[kayne]

im glad im not the only one that has noticed that women are holier nonsense that seems common.

Oh and my wife has heard the woman spoken to about having unrealistic expectations or misplaced priorities as it concerns marriage. Men aren't the only ones getting a lesson in the importance of marriage and how they need to pursue it.

that does i admit make me feel better

I just linked to a talk that discussed dating and what it is. This rather cuts the legs out of any complaint founded in never. If you want a crash course on the local culture then it needs to happen at the local level. A lesson on 'proper' social interaction is going to vary if it is directed at Kenyans or Americans.

utah is still socially odd in many respects. dating is perhaps the highlight of it as no other place in america besides possibly idaho to my knowledge can people date and be married in a month. this puts utah in a unique spot there is truely no argueing this point.

Rightly or wrongly in many cultures people talk to, and teach, women different than men. The idea that men can handle a straight talking to while women are more sensitive to harsh language is out there. This is more of that context I was talking about. You're basically insisting that different situations and the different sexes be treated identically in how they are addressed, and while I can see the case for the latter I don't see it for the former.

oh i know cultures as a whole treat both sexes differently and there is a place for that. but my point here being the women getting stuck on a pedastal mentality while guys are not and thus treated as lower or worse and far too often the end result of STOP SINNING YOU LOUSY MEN because ya know that is the only possible reason a girl could remain single is because of guys the girl couldnt have any fault at all in this anywhere at anytime which is a popular assumption from church leaders.

Anyone who puts off or otherwise undervalues the importance of marriage is going to be brought up short in the next life. Once again context is being ignored. Show me where the women are told in the context of putting education ahead of marriage, or that having unrealistic expectations, that it's all honky dory for them.

marriage is important. but simply saying go get married why are you are still single fails to address 99% of the other reasons a person is still single. and again women are usually given the pass.

Attendance at a single's ward is not mandatory, if you dislike the direction and focus of single's wards than don't go to them.

one then faces immediate and instant backlash from people in my own age group....so your solution here is???? i also expect one might face similar reactions as those that are 30 and unmarried and change to a family ward which is another problem.

Singles wards are peculiar units but they are also minority units. Going to a single ward and then talking about 'the Church' as a whole is flawed. And yes they do stress marriage, but what do you expect? Of course they stress marriage more highly than a ward where the vast majority of (eligible) people are already married, Elder's Quorums don't stress the duties of Priests either, they stress the duties and responsibilities of Elders.

how is the age bracket of 18-30 a minority group? singles wards exist outside of utah. furthermore mormons being dominant in utah and utah has an endless amount of singles wards...im not really sure how singles wards fall into a minority group.

also ironically here is the duties of an elder include and possibly in no other place is it more apparent but those duties include the aaronic priesthood duties. and due to a lack of 12-18 year olds its normally elders that fulfill these roles so i do think aaronic priesthood duties should maintain some prevelance.

yes singles wards is ultimately go get married....but all lessons shouldnt default to it. we arent dogs. the time of month doesnt role around and we sniff buts and go at it its far more complicated than that.

And because I know that you are seeking feedback on social interaction in another thread I'm gonna make this comment: You are bitter and it shows (if in fact you aren't bitter you come across as being such and the following still applies). Bitter people get avoided as they suck all the positive energy out of a room and flood it with negative energy. If the slightest trace of what comes through in your posts above comes through in your face to face interactions with people it is going to be sabotaging your development of relationships with those who don't share your particular bitterness.

i appreciate the advice. i dont always intend to come off as bitter. i try to mask some of cynical sarcasm. but i do admit i cant always help it. here on a forum i can come off however i want with little affect on me. but in person i do attempt to mask some of that cynical sarcasm that can sound bitter. not that i am depressed or sad or unhappy. then of course i run into the problem i am not myself and too much of myself gets hidden and i dont always find that a good alternative either. in fact thinking on i suspect that is why those dates in that other thread went wrong. i concealed this part of me entirely too much so i ended up being entirely too shy and quite. since i havent found people out here in utah always the most receptive to one with such a rather dark past once those layers decide to reveal themselves. and i assure it is a rather dark and twisted past which does in affect contribute to what you just mentioned. my ability to bond with new people got killed and i am trying to refind it.

I think that an extra emphasis on marriage with those who are single and of marriageable age is a good and natural thing- It's a focus on where we are at in life right now and a good chance to get advice, feedback, and ideas. But when it is overemphasized and taken to an extreme it becomes problematic. Some members do this, others don't. I just avoid those who are pushy about it and focus on moving at my own pace.

i agree it doesnt need to as pushy as it is. i do agree it can depend on the person but so far ive had more push than in between

I've moved around my whole life. I've been to many different wards, and for me to have only had one bishop who did this... means the problem isn't as prevalent as you think. For the most part, I -as a woman- have received the same pressures as you. There may be a bit of a separation in that men are the Priesthood holders and considered to be the "family head", so there is a bit more responsibility on your shoulders, but I have many many times been in church meetings where I have been pressured about getting married and/or being prepared for motherhood and being a good wife, etc.

my point wasnt so much bishops though ive seen it and heard alot of bishops like this. listen to some GA talks over the past two or three years....women pedastals. guys lucky to get girl.

Now to get to the heart of the matter:

There is a clear and obvious trend throughout the world that the average age people get married is going up. In 1981, the average age a woman would marry was 23, for men 25. That age has climbed and in 2009 it was 30 for women and 32 for men. You can read about it here.

Marriage and raising a family is a very important part of our lives, and we need to prioritize properly. There are many many reasons why people remain single, some of them valid and some of them not so much, but the fact of the matter is that people around the world are getting married at a later and later date. Of course our church leaders are concerned about this! Of course they want to address it! And of course they want to remind us of the importance of getting married, want to encourage us to make sure our priorities are straight and that we aren't missing out on the opportunity to marry for the wrong reasons.

i do agree address and yea i am aware of that trend i did ironically just take a sociology marriage class where this was discussed. i also took a dating institute class. and somehow i still feel like i only learned how to keep a relationship not actually start one. i just dont always think it seems like it is addressed correctly. a common theme they use is guys and there toys. or too busy having fun being single. you know a lot of guys and our toys play with them because we have tried to form connections but here it is friday at 9 pm and having failed to create a connection its games or porn. quite frankly games is the healthies choice. these talks tend to ignore the person that tries or doesnt know how this dating thing works given we all have this over romatic idea in our heads of dating....its really a lot more complicated than just focus on dating men youll get it right.

It is up to you though to "own" your current status in life. You need to examine your priorities in life and determine whether or not your reasons for being unmarried are good ones, and be sure that you are doing everything you can on your end to be ready for and pursue a marriage. The pressure would not bother you so much if you were comfortable with yourself and gained a sense of ownership for your situation and your responsibilities.

The same goes for peer-pressure in any other situation. If you are comfortable with who you are, the decisions you have made, and the direction you are going- you won't bow into pressure others put on you. Too much sensitivity into that pressure is a sign that you are still "discovering" yourself and relying too much on outside influences to determine what is right and wrong for you.

while we all have our secrets. i do possess a few that outclass the vast majority of folks and that is fine though occassionally annoying. however one particular problem with being myself is...oh you were on a mission during that time you say....oh yea i was getting stoned and robbing wal mart....ROCK ON BUDDY!!!. regardless of that being the past or not it tends to turn people off. yes yes i shouldnt care about such judgemental folks but thats sadly how ive had people react. even had someone hate me because i did laundry on sunday....why the horror in a place with 8 of us living here doing laundry whenever i could....add this to stuff i would normally keep secret anyway and i find i end up concealing a lot more about myself than i want too. two prime points....seriously why does everyone here love disney? also i swear people have invented games here for large crowds completely clueless to the fact that these are poor substitutes for beer and drugs. i swear ive played games here that i would of touched while stoned its like doing stuff that is meant only for the stoned brain and as a former stoner i sit there in awe watching it transpire. i just have a hard time relating to this kind of stuff. dont confuse me i am not saying beer is required for a good time but there are simply some things that go good with beer and doing fake substitutes is laughably crazy.