I remember when I came back to the church after 6 years. I absolutely went and talked to the Bishop, telling him my exact situation, letting him know what I needed and what I didn't need, what I was ready for and not ready for. He was very receptive and grateful to hear everything I had to say. I recommend going and seeing him, telling him everything you've told us, and getting the answers to your questions from him.
If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack, to sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.
If I were a rich man...