I'm not so sure I agree with the consensus here. While the OP discusses very inappropriate behavior, in the end the brother was mightily tempted, but did not commit adulterly.
In the end, disclosure may be necessary. However, it might be wise to seek counseling first. Perhaps there is a marriage counselor you could seek out--one who is sensitive to your faith tradition. Go alone, spell out what happened, what you've been through. Then, see what advice is offered. It might be that you will eventually meet jointly with your wife, and this matter may then come out in a healing environment, rather than as an out-of-the-blue bombshell.
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"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." -- Lord Acton
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