Frustrated with my husband's situation.

[RachelleDrew]

Ah, this is certainly not a frustration directed at my husband. He's really doing his best, and i'm proud of the progress he's made thus far in the church.

To give a little background, i'm new to the church and my husband was inactive for about a year or more before he met me. When we got together I expressed intrest in the church that had been festering for a few years and he expressed his desire to become involved in the church again.

Well, everything has worked out so smoothly for me (as it does for most new members). I feel like opportunities to serve in the church are endless and non-stopping for me. But for my husband it's a different story.

First of all, he still has his Aaronic Priesthood as he was 17 when he became inactive. He's 19 now and he's really got a desire to move up. I made the mistake of mentioning that I wanted him to perform my baptism before I knew that he couldn't do it due to only having Aaronic Priesthood standing. He feels really guilty that he could not do it, and had I had known he couldn't do it I wouldn't have mentioned my desire for that to avoid upsetting him.

He also couldn't give our newborn son his blessing. His dad had to do it for us. This really upset him, although we are certainly happy that our son was able to receive this blessing no matter who it came from.

Now the time is soon approaching where I will go to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead for the first time. He won't say it outright, but I know that it bothers him that I will get to do this before he will (due to circumstances he wasn't able to do it when he was active...long story).

We've been helping each other with our progress. He's doing exceptionally well following the WoW, and we read scripture together and pray every day. But I can feel him becoming frustrated at being more or less stuck, and i'm afraid that he may give up. He hasn't received a calling of any sort from the bishop, and he's been attending investegator/newbie classes with me (more or less as a comfort thing). I don't want anything to hinder his progress! He's come so far from when he was inactive, his attitude has really changed dramatically.

I don't really know what to do. He told me yesterday that he feels like he's letting his family down because he doesn't think he's worthy enough to represent our family in church. It made me cry I felt so bad for him.

What should he/we do to help him get the ball rolling here? We aren't even sure if it's appropriate for him to attend elder's quorum meetings because of his somewhat recent inactivity. He's also not sure how to go about inquiring on how to get his priesthood, he doesn't want to seem like he's pushy or something.

As a new member, I don't really know how these things work. What do re-active members need to do when they start becoming involved again? I'm worried about him.

Whats worse is one of the missionaries recently made the comment that with the progress i've made I should try for my reccommend and endowments sometime this year. Although I thought that seemed a tad hasty, I was still pleased that they thought I was doing so well. If my husband still isn't coming along in the church by the time I go to the bishop to ask for an interview, should I postpone it to spare his feelings? He would never tell me not to, but I would still feel guilty somehow...

Sorry if this is long.

[checkerboy]

Ok I skimmed over what you said but the thing that caught my eye was you doing church work before he gets to, especially temple work. I would say wait and go to the temple together. It is a bonding experience. I don't know what it is but I would get jealous over things my wife got to do that I didn't too. I think waiting would show him that it is important for the both of you to do together. Oh and as far as going to EQ I say why not. He is old enough to go there and you don't have to be an elder to go. He is what is called a prospective elder.

[RachelleDrew]

Originally Posted by checkerboy

Ok I skimmed over what you said but the thing that caught my eye was you doing church work before he gets to, especially temple work. I would say wait and go to the temple together. It is a bonding experience. I don't know what it is but I would get jealous over things my wife got to do that I didn't too. I think waiting would show him that it is important for the both of you to do together. Oh and as far as going to EQ I say why not. He is old enough to go there and you don't have to be an elder to go. He is what is called a prospective elder.

That's another thing I was kind of thinking of when you mentioned the bonding thing. I thought it would be nice if we both did our temple work together. I think the fact that it would be BOTH of our first time in the temple it would be especially bonding.

I am also scared about how long it could possibly take. His older brother and sister in law are married, but have yet to be sealed due to some of his brother's issues with pornography. It's taken a big toll on his wife, who has done exceptionally well in the church. She's practically saintly. Unfortunately because of the postponement...she's become a little resentful of him i'm afraid. I don't want that to happen to us! I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes, but I don't want to get irritated with him over it.

Thank you for mentioning the elder's quorum thing. It's nice to know that.

[ruthiechan]

Has your husband discussed his desires to obtain the next level of the Priesthood with your Bishop? Has he been clear about his desires? It could be the Bishop is not fully aware of what your husband is trying to work towards.

Have you asked your husband for a blessing?
My brother only has the Aaronic Priesthood. He can give me a general blessing. He can not give me a blessing to heal me if I am sick, but if I am having a hard time with something in life I can ask him to give me a blessing. It was a growing experience for him. He prepared all day for it. And then he gave me a blessing and the Spirit was strong. It was a great experience for us both.

[Iggy]

It is my understanding that the Aaronic Priesthood can baptize and it is the Melchizedek that confirms the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Pale, Ben - am I incorrect in this?

[Palerider]

Originally Posted by Iggy

It is my understanding that the Aaronic Priesthood can baptize and it is the Melchizedek that confirms the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Pale, Ben - am I incorrect in this?

you are correct

[Honor]

I agree with Checks. While I'm sure some would argue that you should not put off your progression because of someone else, when it comes to your spouse and especially when it might cause a bit of resentment to form, I'd still work, but work together. I'm sure that if you express all of your heartfelt concerns to your bishop, he will give you sound council.
The church isn't mean to pull marriages apart, especially in a situation like yours where you're not alone in your desire to live the gospel. I'm pretty sure that your husband will appreciate the worry for his feelings and as you pray together, the answers will come. Whatever your decision is, if it's made with Heavenly Father, peace will accompany it for both of you. Instead of this being a situation that pulls you apart, it could be one that brings you even closer together. I'm sure that things will be a little clearer after you speak with the bishop. And I don't think that he should feel embarrassed about wanting to progress in the priesthood. It's a righteous desire, not a power play. I'm wishing you the best!

[Misshalfway]

When members leave for a time and then return, each situation is different. It really is about worthiness issues and that means an honest inventory about where ones life has been and how that measures up against the expectations of the gospel. Sometimes a person may need to go thru a repentance process. With knowledge comes responsibility and with membership comes commitments so when certain commandments or commitments are violated, proper action needs to be taken.

I can't know what your H's situation is. That is surely his personal business. But repentance processes usually take anywhere from a few months to a year. It is not often I hear about longer terms. They are possible.....I guess. But I imagine that if a person is truly repentant and contrite that they will make it thru the process faster than someone who fights against it.

I hope your H can feel good about his progress and keep his eye on his goals and not get bogged down in the shaming voice of Satan. Consequences are hard and they hurt, but hopefully he can open his heart in humility and accept. It will all be ok. And the both of you will look back in gratitude at all you have learned and all you have gained because of the process.

Progressing in the gospel is important. But there is no rush. I think the timing for going to the temple should be a matter of prayer. It is so personal for you. Perhaps the Lord would let you choose and he would support you in waiting for your H if that was your desire. Or he may command you differently. In any case, you can know that He loves you and you can trust His promptings and the consequences they bring.

Good luck! I am hoping for such goodness and gospel blessings to come to your sweet and humble family!

[Islander]

I tend to agree with most of what hasbeen posted above. There are things that are best handled with finess. The Temple is about eternal progression but primarily about families. Thus the suggestion to be patient and work out things as a family so both of you can share that experience. You will go as fast as they slowest one is able to go. Your fast progression could back fire in the long term becoming a stumbling block rather than an incentive. And as a family it could slow down to a crawling pace if you do not handle this one right.

Be wise, be kind, be supportive, be encouraging, be loyal and the reward will be worth the wait a thousand times. I hope you'll think about it. Somebody has to be the brains of the operation. It might as well be you, sister.

[MorningStar]

I know it's hard to attend the temple without your spouse and vice versa, that when one of you goes, it blesses you both. Just something to consider in this situation. Definitely something for you two to pray about together.