Caught my Father-in-law with Porn

[NormalMormon]

I would encourage him to tell his wife. It is very awkward to have a young female talking about your porn addiction with you. I would also tell his son. Perhaphs it would be easier for your son and his wife to help him through this tough time. That's what I would do if the same thing happened to me. My husband's father actually baptized me - and if I found him doing something like that, I would immediately tell my husband, who would handle it from there.

[Fiannan]

Originally Posted by Moksha

This has the potential to break up his family and drive him from the Church, so a good question should be, "how naughty do I feel"?

Discretion would be wise in this case.

I have to agree here. Matters like these are between the person and the Lord. Getting in the middle of this has every possibility of blowing up in your face.

Imagine, you have a good friend who breakes up with her boyfriend. She comes to you for advise and you tell her it was for the best and you point to all his shortcomings. Later, they re-establish their relationship and she tells you she no longer considers you her best friend and he shuns you like the plague.

You can have all the best intentions and if you start something that causes a meltdown in any sense you will be the bad guy. If his wife finds out and takes a liberal approach on the subject (maybe she is into it as well) then she may turn totally antagonistic to you. Your husband gets caught in the middle and there will be tension for some time to come.

You are in a bad situation and the best thing to do is leave it up to him to resolve. The odds are not in your favor to out him, whether outing is necessary or not, and the one who has the greatest potential to catch the flak is you.

[Hemidakota]

Before we cast our own mortal judgment before this man, we should allow the Spirit to dictates on how to approach this issue.

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by Stampede

It;s not anyone's place to start people on the repentance process. That is the bishop's Duty. This man needs to talk to his own bishop. and If youa re both in the same ward i would definitely bring it up to the Bishop and let him take it from there. Whatever the bishop decides to do with it is up to him.

I really don't feel I should go to the bishop on my own. It would be like tattling or a total betrayal to the trust I may have established. I promised him I would tell no one.

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by Kirajo

" I tried to make him feel comfortable by telling him I wasn’t judging him, that I wouldn’t share this with absolutely anyone"

Woops, I think you just told thousands of people. Oh boy, I can't imagine how awkward that must have been. Good job for dealing with it so well though!

LOL... well I guess the good thing about this is that it's totally anonomous.

[Truegrits]

My opinion is it will be up to the FIL to go to the Bishop. No one else can really do this for him. He has to WANT to do the "confessing" the repenting. He needs to take responsibility/ownership. No one else can DO this for him.

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by NormalMormon

I would encourage him to tell his wife. It is very awkward to have a young female talking about your porn addiction with you. I would also tell his son. Perhaphs it would be easier for your son and his wife to help him through this tough time. That's what I would do if the same thing happened to me. My husband's father actually baptized me - and if I found him doing something like that, I would immediately tell my husband, who would handle it from there.

I really don't think I would be able to tell my husband. He also looks up to his father & to know this would just devestate him. I don't feel it my place to reveal this to anyone especially his family or our bishop. I feel that should be his place & if I did tell my husband it would be a betrayal to him & the confidentiality I promised him. I think I may have already done all I should do.

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by Moksha

This has the potential to break up his family and drive him from the Church, so a good question should be, "how naughty do I feel"?

Discretion would be wise in this case.

I am 1000% discretion on this one! There is no doubt that I will tell NO ONE! It is HIS responsibility to tell his wife & the bishop.

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by tubaloth

Wow.



Yes. Offer support. Let him know that you are there and are willing to help him, because you don’t want him to go down this path.



You can bring this up, but this is something he should be seeking out himself. You can offer that You can get some material to help him, if he seems receptive then go for it. If not, not push it. He well have to change on his own time, and pushing things two quickly can hurt the relationship with him, and also get him frustrated with the process.



I think you probably well already do this, So the answer is yes.



I wouldn’t bring it up EVERY time you see him. But bring it up now and then to get an update on his progress, see if he needs help, what can you offer. Let him pick the timeline, let you do what you can when he lets you.



1. He needs to get a blocker installed on his computer. It actually would be best if YOU install on it for him.
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/

This is free. It works really well. I have it installed on my computer. It is password protected, so you need to set up a password. Something he won’t every figure out (1nephi37 is to easy)

2. He does need to talk to his priesthood leader sooner then later. This is what you need to get (encourage) him to do. Admitting you have a problem is the hardest step!

3. I don’t know what his home page is for his Web Browser but you need to change it to lds.org, could put a temple picture as his wallpaper. (You can see my profile for a couple of pictures).

I feel it might way too intrusive to do this to his computer w/o his permission/knowledge. I would rather get permission to put the blocker on with my own password & then changing the wallpaper & homepage would be no biggy.

But this is a good idea. Thank you!

[ignoranceWASbliss]

Originally Posted by prisonchaplain

Kudos for your compassion and concern. I would not go to anyone he has not talked to about this. You did right to bring it out in the open and ask. Eventually, he will have to tell his wife.

My movement has a rehabilitation process for leaders who succumb to any type of sexual sin, including pornography. The minimum removal time from leadership is one year, and it can extend up to two years. Intensive counseling, accountability, and brutal honesty with self, spouse, and church authorities is essential. But...all this must come from the one who has fallen. For every leader rehabilitated, there is one who refuses it, and simply resigns, and another who starts, but does not complete the effort.

This is a tough and sad situation. I'm sure your FIL appreciates your fervent prayers, as well.

Thank you so much for the information. I have some more questions about the technicalities of the process pertaining to his calling. I will PM you about these if you don't mind??...