Caught my Father-in-law with Porn

[bennyb]

For you, you should go to a specific 12 step support group called S-Anon. This is a support group for non-Sexaholics. Their is a website to learn more at S-Anon International Family Groups

In short, this is the oldest 12 step support group of its kind for this type of problem. This is very similar to al-anon a 12 step support group for non-alcoholics. The group will provide great insight into how to help your friends and family that may face problems with this type of addiction. More importantly, they will provide vital support to help you maintain your own sanity thru the process.

The group was not formed by the church and is not affiliated with any church or religion. However, the ideas and solution are sound and based on correct principles that are true.

The LDS church does have the ARP (Addiction Recovery Program) that is suppose to be like these and other 12-step programs. However, I don't recommend using ARP until you have gone to S-Anon for 3 months minimum.

[FunkyTown]

Yyyyyes. You shouldn't have told your husband, but I think that was understandable given how much you were disconcerted by the experience.

Ultimately, it's his business how things are. What he is experiencing is experienced by many members the world over. He'll work through it, with God's help. Try not to let it affect you in any way, shape or form as it really isn't something you have to get involved in.

[Liesl]

This is not a nice situation you find yourself in. Unfortunately I have "walked in" on various members of my family addicted to this distasteful behaviour. My father was one of them, and to this day he does not know that I know and the effect it has had on me. Something your FIL needs to know is that children find everything you try to hide, incl his grandchildren. The possibility of any young curious minds digging up what he thought is so well hidden is great..... what would his response be then? My dad has passed beyond the veil and I'm sure he knows by now what I found, and he can never appologise, explain or try make me feel better. My resentment towards him is deep.....
You know what the sad thing is that his wife probably does know about his addiction..... if not now, she will sooner or later and it is devestating and degrading to any wife, mother or daughter.
Perhaps what you could do is write him a letter expressing how you feel, how you've always looked up to him. Your fear of what this could do to the family, esp if one of the kids had to stumble across it, and that you want to confide in your husband, cause it has become burdensom to you. But express to him that you will not be his police officer, but a friend if ever he should need one.
I find you can express yourself lovingly in a letter without either of you having to avoid eye contact. Haha.... on a lighter note, perhaps you can ask him if he would still look if he knew it was his daughter, granddaughter....... but seriously, he is ogling someone elses daughter.

[Liesl]

Haha.... oh just ignore me, this is what happens when you jump the gun. I read your update after I gave my two cents worth.
I'm glad he is taking the appropriate steps, this is going to be a long hard climb for him and he may slip, just keep your hand within his reach.
You've been used as an instrument in God's hands.....

[SisterofJared]

You might look for ways to help him open up.... perhaps a family conversation about someone else (even a made up couple) with porn problems... so you can lead the conversation to forgiveness and help and support from family. If he hears his wife acknowledge that she agrees that forgiveness and love is the way to go, he may find it easier to tell her.

My husband is excommunicated. I understand clearly that the things that brought his excommunication about are a blessing to me.... not his sins, but the revelation of his sins. If sin is allowed to lie hidden and unrepentant, it takes away the possibilities of an eternal family. Your father in law needs to understand the great importance of becoming clean, and the powerful healing that can come about. If he truly loves his family, he will be willing to take the steps necessary, even knowing that it will break his wife's heart. I see no reason for his children to know.... his wife yes, but not anyone else in the family. It's his struggle, not theirs. But it is up to him to tell anyone, and you to love him in spite of it. You hold a huge secret, let him feel your love by respecting that. None of us likes others to know our weaknesses, and especially such an embarrassing one. You have tremendous power right now, because you can show him that he is still loveable, that there is good in him. Help him to be the strong man you so admire. He needs to feel like a child of God, and not like the bum. He probably is disgusted with himself. A little part of himself was enticed by evil, yet you know the big part of him that is good. Let him know he can let the big part win.

Sister of Jared

[SisterofJared]

ooooo.... I didn't see the update!

WAY COOL! You rock, girl!

SoJ

[changed]

I know of a case – very high up, in which a brother was being interviewed for a calling by a GA (high up calling, high up interview) He was asked about porn, said that he did view it, but it was OK, because he and his wife viewed it together/enjoyed it together. Because of the leadership role he was in, he was excommunicated.

edit -
just read the update, that is great!
There is a huge difference between those who come forth on their own, vs. those who are dragged in. Much better for those who confess of their own free will. Glad you were there to help him through the process

[ryanh]

Don't know if the most recent posters are aware, but this thread is OLD. The original poster has not posted to this thread in 15 months.

[Tarnished]

Originally Posted by Tough Grits

I noticed somewhere in this thread that partaking of the sacrament was mentioned.

We all sin. Pornography is awful. TERRIBLE. But does that mean that the person with this problem is not worthy of giving a talk, offering a prayer, partaking of sacrament, holding a temple recommend, and/or holding a calling?

Is addiction to pornography equal to adultery?

I had never had cause to think of this before reading this thread.

Are there any former bishops or stake presidents here on this forum that can shed some light on the severity of the addiction to pornography?

Sincerely,
TG

No, it is not equal to adultery. I can answer this question from my own experience. Adultery is more severely punished than pornography. In fact depending on your Bishop and your circumstances you may still be able to take the sacrament while repenting from a pornography addiction, you may not take the sacrament while repenting from the sin of adultery.

[pam]

I'm going to close this as the OP was posted over a year ago.