Suspicions A Family Member Is Gay

[kroboz]

Originally posted by superkid@Sep 17 2004, 07:16 PM
Holy crap, is this an LDS forum? Yes, homosexuality IS a sexual perversion. It would be ludicrous as a member to think it otherwise.

No, I didn't "snoop", I haven't gone looking for any trouble - it found me.

My concern is valid because how am I supposed to know that he isn't into child pornography? I've seen evidence of pornography on his computer and I know that people tend to look at more and more vile porn as time goes on - just like a drug.

I am definately stereotyping when it comes to the way my BIL acts as a correlation with the possibility of his being gay. How can I not. Most people do the same and it's usually a strong indicator, hense it's called a stereotype. Stereotypes are based on truth.

Did I say it wasn't a perversion?

And you did snoop. You checked up on his Google search. That's snooping.

And you're concern regarding the porn isn't really valid. Most people who go into pornography don't look at child porn. The only time someone will go into child porn is if they are already predisposed to do so. Honestly, I'd be more worried if my straight brother in law was heavily into porn rather than a gay one. Gays don't really molest kids, straight people do.

Yes, stereotypes are based on truth.

Alright, I'm done with this one. Go talk to your wife and Bishop about it and you'll feel better.

[Dravin]

Stereotypes are based on truth.

The key is based, and some have more solid foundations on truth than others.

And you are still using a slippery slope argument, which is still a logical fallacy.

I used to be heavily into pornography, I never looked at child pornography, why? Because I was seeking images of people I was attracted to. The leap from likes men, to likes little boys, is no smaller than the leap from likes women to likes little girls.

[toto]

I don't want to sound cleshay or anything but I think that you should pray about it and ask Heavenly Father what you should do in this tough situation. you will know what is right, just listen to the spirit.

I know that we as mormons are against homosexuality but I think that before we start judging and finding the fast solution to the "problem" we should try and figure out were all of these thoughts or feeling might have started.

You probably shouldn't confront him about it completely, because if you do then you will lose all of his trust. Be someone he can trust. Ask questions that might lead to the answer eventually. Talk to him as a person. ask him how his life is.

See if you can find solid evidence.

No matter what he is still your family. love him through his conflicts.

Choose wisely. Good luck.

[Franken]

Anyway, he just moved into an off-campus apartment to start fall semester at BYU and wanted me to come over to help him configure the Internet. While I was doing stuff with his laptop I noticed a search entry in the Google dropdown. It had the name of an ex-MTV VG (male) and the word naked. The entry was Simon Rex naked. He was there so I didn't look into anything else. I did some research at home and aparently this VG once appeared in some gay porn.

How exactly do you know he was the one looking at the porn? It could have been his friends or someone else you know, maybe they borrowed his PC or something. I still think the best way to end this is to just confront him and clear it all up. There's no way else you are going to know for sure. If he lies to you, that's just going to add to his guilt, and well, that'll just bring him closer to repentence.

[Dravin]

Be someone he can trust.

See if you can find solid evidence.

Anyone else seeing the clash between these two peices of advice? Considering that the method of evidence gathering is probably going to come down to snooping on him, it's quite laughable.

I still think the best way to end this is to just confront him and clear it all up.

I suppose at the least BIL will know where Superkid stands, which if he can't leave it alone (and get over his irrational fear) is probably the next best thing.

[helgaboy]

You are so focused on him having problems when in reality you need to focus on your own. Let's just give you the benefit of the huge gap of doubt here. suppose he is gay that is his problem not yours. you have the problem of being a judgmental snoop. Has he ever given you any reason to not trust him around your child? he is the same person as before you suspected he is gay. One last thing do NOT tell me how I should think and feel because I am LDS, I have my own mind and make my own choices as I am the only one living my life.

[toto]

helgaboy does have a great point.

[superkid]

LOL, wow, such a judgemental non-judgemental person. Maybe you haven't actually read any posts, but I wasn't snooping into anything. I was going to look up something on google to help him with his internet and saw a search entry for something. Also before his mission, anything porn related was plain as day. Also - how do you deduct that I am not focusing on my own problems? HAHA this is just laughable - I came here looking for advice on what to do if anything. All the sudden I'm a judgemental snoop.

How can you say someone is the same person they were before it was found out they were gay? No they aren't. Because they have been lying much of their life and now all of the sudden they ARE a different person for the fact alone that you don't really know who they are. If my own brother came out and said he was gay - I wouldn't really know the real him because much of his life would have been a facade.

You must not have any children either because as a parent you would understand the concern of protecting your children. Anything different would be reckless endagerment of my child.

[Dravin]

HAHA this is just laughable - I came here looking for advice on what to do if anything.

And the advice seems to be not to jump to conclusions that he is a pedophile and that his problems aren't really your business unless he comes to you for help. Except for Toto's, which seems to consist of somehow remaining deserving of trust while snooping on him.

How can you say someone is the same person they were before it was found out they were gay? No they aren't.

So, yesterday he was person A, and today he is person B, nothing has changed about him any, it's just that now you know something else about him he's a different person?

If my own brother came out and said he was gay - I wouldn't really know the real him because much of his life would have been a facade.

Methinks that you are putting way to much stress on the impact of somebodies sexuality on what makes them, them. About the only person who could make that kinda claim would be some poor person who was unwittingly playing the part of a beard.

You must not have any children either because as a parent you would understand the concern of protecting your children. Anything different would be reckless endangerment of my child.

Yes, protecting ones child from serious and real threats. You've got an imagined threat, you have nothing to reason that your BIL is a pedophile except a logical fallacy. But since I am childless we'll get my mother's opinion on this, she has 7 children and agrees you are being silly, my father agrees as well.

[Setheus]

Why don't you just grow up? Stop being a whiner and being afraid of this guy. When you to are alone say "hey man, I found some crap on your pc and I want to know if you are into dudes." If he gets all defensive just say I won't think less of you I just want to know because if you are and you are keeping it a secret then that is a lie and you hate liers more than you dislike fags.

Or ask someone you KNOW is gay and have them meet your brother in law. All the queers I know seem to be able to detect their own from 200yrds away. (only half kidding) All the gay guys I know can tell if you're gay or if you just have good fashion sence.

One of my wifes old friends (who is openly gay) says that all homosexuals have "Gaydar". Those were his actual words