temple divorce

[richlittell]

It's a terrible topic, but it happens.
I have been divorced for about 9 years now, and remarried for about five. My current wife is infuriated because I haven't put in for a Temple Divorce from my ex. Keep in mind, we only found out this past couple of months ago that it is necessary to have a temple divorce/clearance? or whatever it's called before we can have a temple sealing (we had put in for a special request for a sealing nearly two years ago when the stake president just recently came back and said we need a temple divorce/clearance). I thought a man can be sealed to more than one wife (not that I find that a very joyful prospect right now lol) so I never thought about a temple divorce, which will surely open old wounds. I told my wife I would do it, but that the timing was bad as I just reduced child support (as two of my kids reached adulthood and our finances are tight here also), so I didn't want to hit my ex over the head with two things at once, financial stress, and then a request for temple divorce. My ex is inactive and has not raised my children in the church

My first question is, is it truly necessary to get a temple divorce/clearance? I ask because I live in Taiwan and don't speak the language, so I get some really strange advice over here (like, one MUST take the sacrament with the right hand only!-- no kidding). So I really can't get any advice or good counsel on anything over here. At any rate, if a temple divorce is truly necessary, how do I initiate this and what are the necessary steps?


The other thing to address, which is something I never in my life imagined, is that do I really want to risk this? My current wife is not that gospel oriented. She goes to church, sure, teaches gospel doctrine even, and participates in a few things from time to time, but I can't get her interested in reading the book of Mormon--and the prime guidance on salvation is Lehi's vision of the tree of life, no person can successfully go through this life without studying the scriptures and expect to achieve salvation. I wouldn't worry about that so much but my wife often, often goes into fits of anger, yells at the kids over what I consider small things, uses cutting words to me when we have disagreements ( I mean, intentionally aimed to hurt just because she's angry), and seems to enjoy our life together as long as every thing is smooth and financially stable, but she seems to fall to pieces as soon as we hit some tiny bump in the road. She knowingly cheated the Lord of our tithing for nearly a year before I caught it. She has since repented and seems okay in that factor. Now, she's not a bad woman at all, I'm just saying that do I temple divorce a woman who, at least when we were together, was quite the angel (long story of how we divorced--stupid, I know), to "try" to get a temple marriage to a woman who spiritually is not very stable? the problem is, if I dont' handle this correctly, I may end up in another divorce, and I DON"T want that no matter what.
sigh .....
well, at least maybe someone could tell me if it is truly necessary to tmeple divorce and what do we call it --temple divorce? temple clearance? and how would I get started if I have to do that.
double sigh ......

[hordak]

I don't know anything about temple divorce. But taking the sacrament with your right hand is something i also learned here in the states.

[richlittell]

strange, from the time I sat with the missionaries and for the next ten years after, no one ever told me this. I'm left-handed. Think I'll start another post on this.

[MarginOfError]

The only reference I've seen in writing regarding which hand should be used to take the Sacrament was in Joseph Fielding Smith's Doctrines of Salvation However, that is a book much like Mormon Doctrine (in fact, Doctrines of Salvation appears to have a strong influence on Mormon Doctrine), except I felt like Smith used fewer scriptural references than did McConkie. Regardless, these books appear to reflect the man's interpretation of the Gospel, not the Church's.

I know of no official document in use by the Church today that makes any indication of a preference of which hand to use to take the Sacrament.

[Truegrits]

My son is left handed. When he was young, a gentleman sitting behind us actually tapped me on the shoulder, during Sacrament, and told us that he should be using his right hand only. This couple had been sitting behind us for months; I have always wonderd how much his focusing on which hand my son used, affected his spirit during all those Sacrament meetings?

[unixknight]

I don't know much about the procedure of Temple Divorce but it's something I need to do myself, in the near future because my new wife is enthusiastic about the Church and in getting sealed together.

But richlittell, I gotta tell ya, holding onto that sealing to your ex wife seems a little like trying to hedge your bets. You want to keep her on as sort of insurance in case things go south with your current wife or she doesn't want to get sealed. I'm not an expert on this stuff but if your heart is divided, that might be contributing somewhat on the problems in your current situation. At the very least it seems to me that your current wife may view your hesitation as holding a candle for your ex on some level.

[kathysmike]

The process for a Temple Divorce or Clearnce, you must see your Bishop/Branch President, the genral handbook of instructions have very clear guidelines, they have forms to fill out. The ex will be given a chance to share her views in a letter, I have 2 ex's only one responded. On your part you need to write a letter to the first Presidency and explain what happend to cause the divorce. If you are current on any swupport obligations and the like. I am currently going through this process now, I find that my preisthood leaders are very supportive and understanding in this matter. The whole process can be very time consuming, and cause or invoke self reflection. This is a great time to grow in the gospel with your wife my wife and I have not only grown closer together, but have been able to have many disscussions on the gospel that would not have happend before starting this process. The clearnce/divorce has not always been needed when a man was to be sealed after a civil divorce. When I was sealed to my second wife there was no clearnce needed (1993). The Brethern have since reinstituted the need for this step. In my case it has caused me to reflect on the meaning of marrage and family and gain a much deeper insight into my role as a husband father and priesthoodholder.
I wish the best of luck in making this decision. The best advice I have recieved was from a member of this site, make this a subject of your fast, fast weekly if you feel the need but atr least monthly fast about this important step.

[richlittell]

unixknight,
There might be a tad of truth in what you're saying and it has caused me to reflect, but, as I said, we only recently found out that I needed to have this temple clearance, and before that my wife and I were working towards a temple sealing (as the stake president here it Taiwan didn't understand things, or maybe he had a pre 1993 manual). So it's not like I've been "holding out" on my wife. I just think that a temple divorce is a serious thing, and obviously it is or it wouldn't be such a difficult procedure and require the approval of the prophet himself, as I understand it. This is decision has eternal consequences.

kathysmike,
That was some very excellent advice and answered my questions, and the fact that things were different pre-1993 helps my wife to realize I wasn't trying to swindle her with a promise of temple marriage someday. This seems to have calmed her down a bit. We were just talking and I think I convinced her that this is a dual effort, not all just about me and the "paperwork." We have agreed to try and improve all areas of our family and spiritual life, and then we can move forward with the paperwork. We'll see how it goes as it's only been even a few hours since I posted this.

Thank you all for your voices in my time of need.

[deydream]

As for using your right hand only to take the sacrament, MOE is right, it may have been done back in the day for whatever reason, but our current prophet's revelation takes priority over anything done in the past.

A temple divorce from an ex wife wasn't needed in the past, but now it is required. Holding on to the past, could have grave effects on your future with your wife. The process can take a while, if you get it started now, your wife will feel less offended. By wanting to push it off, your wife may feel like you don't love her as much as your first. It may be logical to you to wait our of courtesy, but to her, it says "I don't love you."

But before you get sealed in the Temple to save your marriage, you should really discuss the concerns you have. If your wife is getting upset about little things, maybe she gets stressed out easily. If you approach it in a caring manner, she will hopefully open up about how she is feeling. Maybe tell her you can see she is frustrated, and ask what can you do to help her.

I wouldn't suggest being sealed in the Temple until you resolve some issues. If you are worried about her testimony and resistance to the B of M, don't push it. She will only become defensive and push back. Teach by example, try reading the B of M as a family. Some people have a hard time with the scriptures, until they really get into them. Pray for her and be the best example you can. In the end she is in charge of her own spirituallity.

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by richlittell

It's a terrible topic, but it happens.
I have been divorced for about 9 years now, and remarried for about five. My current wife is infuriated because I haven't put in for a Temple Divorce from my ex. Keep in mind, we only found out this past couple of months ago that it is necessary to have a temple divorce/clearance? or whatever it's called before we can have a temple sealing (we had put in for a special request for a sealing nearly two years ago when the stake president just recently came back and said we need a temple divorce/clearance). I thought a man can be sealed to more than one wife (not that I find that a very joyful prospect right now lol) so I never thought about a temple divorce, which will surely open old wounds. I told my wife I would do it, but that the timing was bad as I just reduced child support (as two of my kids reached adulthood and our finances are tight here also), so I didn't want to hit my ex over the head with two things at once, financial stress, and then a request for temple divorce. My ex is inactive and has not raised my children in the church

My first question is, is it truly necessary to get a temple divorce/clearance? I ask because I live in Taiwan and don't speak the language, so I get some really strange advice over here (like, one MUST take the sacrament with the right hand only!-- no kidding). So I really can't get any advice or good counsel on anything over here. At any rate, if a temple divorce is truly necessary, how do I initiate this and what are the necessary steps?


The other thing to address, which is something I never in my life imagined, is that do I really want to risk this? My current wife is not that gospel oriented. She goes to church, sure, teaches gospel doctrine even, and participates in a few things from time to time, but I can't get her interested in reading the book of Mormon--and the prime guidance on salvation is Lehi's vision of the tree of life, no person can successfully go through this life without studying the scriptures and expect to achieve salvation. I wouldn't worry about that so much but my wife often, often goes into fits of anger, yells at the kids over what I consider small things, uses cutting words to me when we have disagreements ( I mean, intentionally aimed to hurt just because she's angry), and seems to enjoy our life together as long as every thing is smooth and financially stable, but she seems to fall to pieces as soon as we hit some tiny bump in the road. She knowingly cheated the Lord of our tithing for nearly a year before I caught it. She has since repented and seems okay in that factor. Now, she's not a bad woman at all, I'm just saying that do I temple divorce a woman who, at least when we were together, was quite the angel (long story of how we divorced--stupid, I know), to "try" to get a temple marriage to a woman who spiritually is not very stable? the problem is, if I dont' handle this correctly, I may end up in another divorce, and I DON"T want that no matter what.
sigh .....
well, at least maybe someone could tell me if it is truly necessary to tmeple divorce and what do we call it --temple divorce? temple clearance? and how would I get started if I have to do that.
double sigh ......

What Mike remark is most accurate statement. However, welcome to the forum and seeking advice....