where should I start?

[Starberry]

I've never listend in church, never been that close to anyone, never asked for advice on getting stronger. You could say I'm alost ike a new member. I have always been a member of the church but never really had the disire to be a better member. i've only gone because I had to or because it made me feel guilty if i didn't obey my parents. Where should I start, I've never read the book of mormon, its hard for me to read it, i feeel like my prayers aren't sincere, and I'm utterly and completly lost. My situation is so complicated. I always lose concentration i church and never feel the need to listen. now i'm faced with a really bd sin and cant tell the bishop,or rather i dont feel guilty but I wantto feel guilty, I need to feel the spirit that i have been lacking my whole life.

I'm trying my best to explain this.

[connerific]

Search, ponder and pray with real sincerity. Someone else can probably answer this better than i can.

Prayers your way!

[Misshalfway]

I think sometimes it is hard to make the "right" or "best" choices for ourselves when our emotions don't match our inner wisdom. I think all of us have to battle the wants and moods, if you will, of the natural man.

I think sometimes feelings of guilt are difficult and so we, somewhere in our minds, deny the reality of it so that we don't have to feel it. We justify ourselves or our behaviors. We might tell ourselves that our behavior isn't hurting anyone or that it isn't really that bad or isn't really wrong. Our brains can be quite talented at avoiding truth and becoming honest with ourselves because we don't want to have to face what we fear we have become.

Perhaps at this point, you need to take action first and then your emotions will follow. You have the desire for the Spirit. Not sure how strong that desire is, but it was enough for you to write this post. If you want it, you absolutely can have it as part of your life IF you meet the pre-req's for the Spirit to dwell with you. It might be a battle inside of you some days. Maybe the voice that doesn't want to face truth and change will argue and win. It really comes down to you and what you choose to desire. The Spirit can't live in unholy environments, but will absolutely dwell with you when your soul is clean. This is what the gospel and Jesus and the atonement is all about. It isn't about embarrassing you or condemning you or punishing you. It is about inviting you to give away your sins so that you can know the very Father of us all.

I hope you will find the courage to go and talk to the bishop and explain your life choices and desires. The bishop is afterall there to serve and support you in whatever will help these righteous desire in you to grow into realities. Remember that with real conversion comes a wonderful changes in our appetites. Sin no longer becomes satisfying and things like scriptures and church and Spiritual influence becomes delicious to us!

[tubaloth]

You need to talk to somebody you feel like you can trust. I'm guessing that probably isn't the bishop right now. Maybe it is your parents. Do they know how you have felt about the church over the years? The can be there to listen and offere advice, you already know they want the best for you.

I think reading the book of mormon is a good start. I think writing down what you learn can help. I hope you keep some type of journal. If anything else, you probably can help yourself more then you think you can.

Next set goals. Where do you want to be in a week, a month, and a year. Its more about progressing, about filling the measure of your creation. You just do the best you can. I would hope one of the goals is to see the bishop. You don't have to tell everything to him at first, but get to know him. Set up an interview and talk about the other struggles you have (with reading the book of mormon and prayer). The Bishop is there to help you.

If there are basic scripture, or Gosple questions you have, you can always ask them here. Believe me, most of us on here have nothing better to do then wait around for new posts!

Good Luck!

[bytor2112]

Try expressing to Heavenly Father in prayer these exact thoughts.....maybe read the Gospel Principles handbook and then work your way to the scriptures....... repentance is really about having a mighty change of heart. Really, this process should begin at Baptism, but you can start now.

[candyprpl]

My sister has four children all grown now and none of them go to church. She says that she thinks they just never developed their own testimonies. That was a wonderful thing to tell me when I first joined the church (almost 4 years ago). I knew I had to develop a testimony and make it strong. It's okay to lean on other's testimonies for awhile. But we have to beware of doing that for too long. My calling is in primary and as much as I love hearing the children bear their testimonies it's obvious that they are borrowed testimonies. Each Sunday I try to tell my Valiant 11 the importance of having a strong testimony. In a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott, "Full Conversion Brings Happiness" -- "Your happiness now and forever is conditioned on your degree of conversion and the transformation that it brings to your life."

Start now as if you were new to the Church. At first it was hard for me to read the Book of Mormon and get anything out of it for myself -- but I kept reading. In the beginning it was hard for me to have a desire to go to Church -- but I did. In the beginning it was hard for me to listen to talks that didn't interest me -- I listened anyway. In the beginning I had a hard time giving a sincere prayer -- but I kept trying and actually asked for help to give a sincere prayer. In the beginning I seriously sinned about 3 months before going to the Temple for my endowments. I was scared and embarassed about going to the Bishop -- but I did. I bear you my testimony that 'doing all these hard things' has strengthened my testimony and this true converstion has gotten me through very tough times. Like Elder Scott said, "...happiness now and forever is conditioned on your degree of conversion..."

I love reading the scriptures now -- they have a lot to tell me and give me peace. I love going to Church and renewing my Baptismal covenants. I love my callings. I love conversing with my Heavenly Father. I love having the Holy Ghost to guide me in my daily activities. Life is full of blessings if we will do what it takes to see them and accept them as blessings.

Like bytor said, ...this process should begin at Baptism, but you can start now.

Prayerfully, Candace

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

A friend of mine told me about some of his family going for a hike. They were going to climb a 14er and this little primary aged granddaughter was going to go along and as they were climbing up they would tell her that it was OK to turn back if she got tired, it was a hard climb. Her response was simple: "I can do hard things!"

If you want to have a testimony and want to believe, then it's going to take a lot of work for you to get there. A lot of boring monotonous seemingly pointless nonsense like daily sincere prayer and scripture study and regular attendance to meetings and activities. It will definitely be hard, but you can do hard things.

This is the part where I should practice what I preach - cause I'm in the same boat...