Wedding Question

[IntoGod33]

Hi Everyone!

My boyfriend and I are getting married in March. Because we are the only members in our families who are LDS, we will be having a ceremony presided over by our bishop and a reception. My parents were never happy about me joining this church, but over time, they have accepted it and now they are very supportive. They have, however, made it clear that they have no intentions to join. The only thing that they both asked of me is that I have a wedding where all of my family could attend. Where I come from (Cuban family), weddings are huge! Because I am their only daughter, they both want to give me a beautiful wedding and throw me a big party. I have no complaints! I am really, really looking forward to it because my family is huge and so is my boyfriend's and I know it's going to be the best night of my life.

Here is the problem....
My parents are paying for the entire wedding. So far, wedding planning has been soooo much fun, but yesterday my mom and I got into it over the issue of alcohol. My boyfriend and I do not drink, of course, but the rest of my family does. I want to make one thing clear so that I don't make them look bad - I have never, ever seen anyone in my family drunk. They are not heavy drinkers at all. They do, however, enjoy drinking at family gatherings and events. My dad is actually a member of a wine tasting club. My mom had this bewildered look on her face when I said no alcohol, and she told me that I didn't have to pay for it or drinking, so I'm not doing anything wrong. She also pointed out that there will be no morte than 15-20 guests who are Mormon, and about 180 that are not (the rest are Catholic). My mom has done such a turn around in regards to my baptism. She has been so supported, and has defended me before anyone who has dared to badmouth the church in front of her. Should I just give in? I really don't mind having it there because I'm used to it - I mean, I have a 5-foot-tall wine cooler in my house that is always full! However, I am worrieed that my bishop or my other LDS guests will be upset or offended.

Help!


P.S. I'm very sorry for the extremely long post!

[IntoGod33]

Ok...I just reread my post and I noticed all the typos. Sorry!

[Hemidakota]

Joseph Smith had typos and so do I...I never make a point to fret over someone else's grammar or spelling.

I would not be upset as your guest and I would not expect the Bishop would either. However, at what point are you planning for a temple marriage?

[gomspal]

IntoGod,

I know it is hard for you because it involves families that you truly love and you want them to share your happiness with them. Would it be too much to tell them that this is your wedding and that you want everybody to share your happiness with them in a sober manner? I know they will probably look at it as something about the Church controlling you or the bishop and members influencing you. However you decide to do it, with or without alcohol, will it make you happy? We are all about doing the right thing, as for me, the right thing to do is not to have alcohol, but that is just me. The final words will be coming from you.
Good luck and congratulations on your wedding day!

[RachelleDrew]

If I were a guest I wouldn't be offended, unless I saw you and your new husband drinking it of course. Lol.

Personally? I would ask your parents once more in a sincere and direct manner, "mom, dad can we please not have alcohol at the wedding? It would mean a lot to me to not have something that makes me uncomfortable there."

If they still insist, then whatever. I wouldn't fret about it personally. Just make sure to forewarn your Mormon guests that your parents will be serving alcohol, just in case it's offensive to them.

[IntoGod33]

In response to Hemidakota... We will be getting sealed in the temple a month after the civil ceremony/reception. I was just baptized recently so my bishop told me that I had to wait one year before I could enter the temple. We are both very excited about that!

If it was completely up to me...I'd say no alcohol and I wouldn't care about any complaints that people may make (although I don't anticipate any from my family as they have accepted my beliefs). My problem is, my mom is basically saying, "I'm paying so we're going to have alcohol, you don't have to drink any." She didn't say it in those words, but that's the main idea. One of my church friends told me that maybe I should compromise. She said I should suggest maybe serving one signature drink that everyone likes and that's it. No open bar.

I am so torn! I feel like I'd still be doing something wrong by allowing it. At the same time, however, my parents have been so generous and they are excited and happy that they have the means to give me such a great wedding. I kindof feel bad fighting with my mom about it since I haven't even spent a penny (she won't let me, I've tried).

I don't know, I guess it's a good one to pray about!

[Jenamarie]

One thing that has always bugged me about parents' paying for weddings is that they feel that automatically gives them the right to any 'say' in what happens at the wedding. If they are truely doing this to celebrate YOU and to make YOUR day special, then they should be willing to do whatever it takes (within budget ) to make it the best possible celebration for YOU. If you are uncomfortable with alcohol, and feel it would put a damper on your enjoyment of the celebrations, then don't have it at your wedding.

[utcowboy]

The choice should ultimately be yours but when your family you may have to find some middle ground. I've been blessed to travel a little bit and I think the only Mormons that would be offended by seeing alcohol is a pure bred Utah Mormon lol j/k
Do what you feel is right, but remember to always show the respect that your parents deserve.
Best wishes on your wedding day

[Gwen]

if you and your boyfriend really don't mind it being present and all the family is a social drinking thing not getting drunk and acting stupid to ruin your day then why not put a time limit. i'm assuming it's not at the chapel. i can understand not wanting your non drinking friends to be uncomfortable. so what about a time limit to it? sounds like they are doing a huge deal and it will be a long reception. make the first hour or whatever no drinking, that gives time for the members to enjoy, celebrate and leave, then when it's just family let them have what you feel is appropraite. you also don't have to stay long after the drinking starts. i know several couples that had all the "important" stuff right away at the rectption and then left. told friends and family, yall enjoy the food and party, bye. the party went on without them. lol

[funkymonkey]

Yay! Congrats on your wedding!

I (probably like a bunch of other people) had a pretty wierd wedding. Not a thing in it was my first choice...not even the location! I have a very strong-minded mother-in-law and mother.
I tried to stand up for what I wanted at my wedding and it just turned into spats with my "moms". But I wondered what was more important...the wedding itself? Or the relationships with my family and family to be? Needless to say I didn't exactly want to deal with having to hear about it for the rest of my life (they both have memories like elephants).
So I just let them do whatever they wanted and I actually laughed at a few of the things that ended up in the wedding. And yes alcohol was at the reception.
But on the wedding day I could have cared less... all I cared about was that I was there and my husband was there. And yes, it was the best day of my life!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe keeping your relationships with your family should be a priority. I really don't think God would frown in anyway about that. Take a little, give a little.

Good luck!