Need help with my Autistic brother

[Gretchen]

My little brother is Autistic, and he hates church. He is in the Young Men's program, and he refuses to be baptized. And, for a while, he wanted to kick a very nice family -I'm going to call them the Bobs- out of the ward with the reasoning that he sees one of the children at school, and that's enough. He -my brother- once went up to the pulpit in testimony meeting, and told the ward that he was going to change the church into a school and that he was going to kick the Bobs out of church. Then he tried to lead the ward in the pledge of allegiance. It got to the point where our bishop went to my dad and told him that he might want to consider medication for my brother.

It's not that I don't love my brother, I really do. It has just got to the point that I'm going insane. He refuses to eat veggies, he refuses to get baptized, he refuses to even admit that he's got a problem!

Any one got any advice?

[IntoGod33]

Wow...this sounds like an extremely tough situation. Autism is a difficult condition to deal with. What do his doctors say? Never forget that autism is an extremely complicated disorder that impairs social interaction skills. If his behavior is getting worse, you might want to go to a different doctor. Children and young adults with this disorder often need intensive treatment - that includes individual and family treatment as well. After all, you guys need to know how to deal with the disorder too. I've read that autistic children really need a strong family - which I'm sure your brother definitely has. Talk to doctors, do some research, and, as always, pray. Maybe he's just at a tough age (early teen years). Obviously his behavior is surprising.

I really don't know what else to say! I hope it helps a little.

[MarginOfError]

I'm not sure what the degree of your brother's autism is, but my first instinct is, honestly, to laugh. Talk with the Bobs and make sure they understand the situation. As long as they're aware that the autistic mind is perfectly capable of seeing a minor disturbance as a major offense, they should be able to accept that it has more to do with the condition than it does with them.

In the meantime, try to keep your brother away from the pulpit.

[DigitalShadow]

Originally Posted by MarginOfError

I'm not sure what the degree of your brother's autism is, but my first instinct is, honestly, to laugh. Talk with the Bobs and make sure they understand the situation. As long as they're aware that the autistic mind is perfectly capable of seeing a minor disturbance as a major offense, they should be able to accept that it has more to do with the condition than it does with them.

In the meantime, try to keep your brother away from the pulpit.

I agree completely. I read your post and was trying to think of what to say, but I think MOE said it better anyway.

BTW I'm 26 and I still refuse to eat veggies. I don't care what people say, I don't see how something that tastes that bad could be good for you.

[ruthiechan]

First of all your brother needs constructive help. He obviously does not know what the point of Testimony meeting is. He does NOT understand other people nor their feelings. I was listening to NPR and this fellow was talking about autism. There was a test done between two groups of kids. A normal group and an autistic group. What I remember most is this fellow saying that they gave the kids pictures of people with expressions and different types of hats. They had to organize them by emotion. Happy or sad. The normal kids organized them appropriately, the autistic kids organized them by the color of the hats.

As far as I understand it there is no medication for autism. There may be medication to help with the symptoms, like the OCD behavior and getting stuck on thoughts. However, the medication only fixes certain symptoms, he's not ever going to magically be able to read expressions and understand social situations and what is appropriate. The only way he can improve on that is through cognitive therapy tailored specifically for helping him figure this stuff out. It can be done. My husband's best friend has Asperger's Syndrome and while he's not entirely comfortable in social situations he can handle them. He has a psychiatrist he sees on a regular basis and a family that is highly supportive. When growing up they explained things to him in detail when necessary but they also treated him like a normal person.

It was inappropriate for your Bishop to suggest medication! That shows ignorance on his part. Your family needs to speak with the Bishop. Your family should definitely explain the situation to the Bobs, including the kids to avoid hard feelings. In Priesthood and Relief Society (where you son is not present) it should also be explained. My mother did that for my brother who has Asperger's Syndrome which is a form of autism. This has helped people deal with my brother better.

I don't know what kind of autism your brother has but if it's Asperger's Syndrome I highly recommend this book The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (Hardcover) by Tony Attwood.

PS: Pick and choose your battles! Forget the veggies! It's not worth it. Do NOT pressure him to get baptized! That is not the spirit in which baptizism should be done. Has he gone to the doctor about this yet? If not, he needs to go. At the very least your parents need to talk to a doctor about this to get advice on how to constructively help their son, and you should go to so you can help your brother. And when I say doctor, I don't necessarily mean a family doctor. I mean a psychologist who specializes in autism.

[Jenamarie]

Is he recieving any sort of therapy right now? THAT, more than pills, is what helps people with Autism. Is he in the Special Ed. program at his school? That could really be beneficial to him, and it'd be completely free for your family.

ETA: And if it's too difficult to keep him away from the pulpit, then don't take him to church. In his condition, it's possible he's not getting anything out of it anyway, and all the stimulation around him may be overwhelming for him. He may not be capable of a Testimony right now, depending on how severe his Autism is.

[Gel182]

I have a daughter with autism, although she is much younger than your brother (she's 4). I definetly understand how difficult it can be to have an autistic child/sibling at Church. In fact, Church can be a rather stressful three hours for us depending upon how she acts. In any event, I agree with previous posters that the situation can be explained to the Bob family and I'm sure they'll understand. Most people in our ward are familiar with my family's situation and I'm sure that those who are not wonder why our daughter is so poorly behaved - I don't blame them for thinking that because I've done the same thing before we had our daughter!

Autistic people pick up on much more than we give them credit for - so I believe that he should go and participate in Church. However, I'd definitely keep him away from the pulpit, even taking him outside, if necessary. Sometimes I spend Church outside, but for the short time my daughter sits still and behaves, it's worth it. Also, the advise to "pick your battles" is exactly right with autism.

[Moksha]

I have seen meetings totally disrupted by out of control behavior. If you accomodate it too much, people will leave.

[Vort]

You could just say, with a slightly haughty air, "My brother is autistic." If you use a British accent, people will assume you're being snooty, and will treat your brother with new respect, attributing his behavior to the fact that all artists act a bit strange at times.

[Gretchen]

The Sunday that my brother said that in Testimony meeting, one of the Bob children (they're not really children, the youngest is 9 or 10) asked me what he had against the Bob family.

I will talk to the Bishop about not making inappropriate remarks in church, thank you for suggesting that.

Any ideas on how to help my brother behave/feel the spirit?