Gender-specific sin?

[spade]

I've made up my mind to speak with my bishop. It's been a looonnngg time coming but I've finally gotten to the point where there is no more left to give to sin and I need to be free of it. I've never had the occasion to confess to a bishop before. Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

No really! I can't count the number of times when a bishop has mentioned sexual sin he has directed his advice to the males present. My sins were not committed with another; they deal with what I chose to read and view and I almost feel like it's worse because these choices are totally on my head. I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?...It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's just a gut feeling.

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me. Tell me that this is going to be worth the humilition of confessing to a man I greatly respect and whose good regaurd I can't help but feel I'll lose in small measure. Can anyone tell me the general formula for what happens when you go in to a bishop? I know he will treat my case as he feels is best but what can I expect in general? I think that having an idea will help me do this with conviction.

I'm eternally greatful that this is even possible. That I have a savior who loved me to pay for all of this.

[rameumptom]

Good luck to you.

I agree that we tend to focus a lot on men's sexual sins. The reality is, it tends to be the men who have the tendency towards sinning when it comes to relationships.

[checkerboy]

Originally Posted by rameumptom

Good luck to you.
The reality is, it tends to be the men who have the tendency towards sinning when it comes to relationships.

How is this possible? If you are refering to male/female relationships wouldn't that make the number exactly the same? How does a man sin in the relationship yet the woman doesn't.

Now to the original post. The bishop will not judge you as a person but as a bishop. I don't think his respect for you will diminish, in fact I think it will increase as he sees your humility in coming to him with something that a good majority of people hide. I have had plenty of opportunities to meet with a good number of bishops in my life. Each one was different yet the one thing I felt from each was a desire to see me become better. Some were rougher in their "punishment." Others were more friendly to talk to. It just depends on what kind of person he is. But he won't think less of you that is for sure.

[connerific]

I don't believe there is such a thing as gender-specific sin. Sin is sin no matter what gender you are. Women sin just as much as men, in any situation.

I'm glad you've decided to take this step. Whether he comes to think less of you is not the point. The point is what God thinks of you, and I think he will be happy you have decided to repent. Isn't that what he asks us to do? "Come unto me," "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow" (hope i got that quote right). Don't be afraid of the "arm of flesh" and what they think of you. Only be worried about what God thinks of you. That's my advise, for what it's worth.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by spade

Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me.

I can reassure you in the following way: Odds are, your Bishop will have already sat down with other women in the ward, and heard their confessions of sexual sin. Not only that, but you can be pretty confident that people whom you think are more righteous than you, both men and women, have sat down with the Bishop and confessed sexual sin.

Cultural belief notwithstanding, you are not alone.

You can expect the Bishop to be understanding, helpful, caring, and best of all, not shocked or surprised. You can expect him to be grateful for the opportunity to help you rid yourself of this sin. It really is one of the good parts of the job of being Bishop - he gets to help people apply the atonement and become clean.

My bishop doesn't like meetings. He is frustrated by opinionated people who tell him how to do his job. He's not a huge fan of Stake directives. But he really does love being able to help people, and he gets to do this when someone comes to him and says "please help".

Go forward with faith sister - it will be a good thing.

LM

[WANDERER]

There are no gender-specific sins...appearances are not always what they seem.

[purplefly4]

I don't know. I really wish u luck w that. Let me know how it goes... if u felt he'e really supportive and stuff. Mayb u could support me in trying to... get along w my leadership. My situation is alittle diff... I do really wish u luck. Wish I could b more helpful than that.

[bytor2112]

Originally Posted by spade

I've made up my mind to speak with my bishop. It's been a looonnngg time coming but I've finally gotten to the point where there is no more left to give to sin and I need to be free of it. I've never had the occasion to confess to a bishop before. Something that has stopped me is that I am female and it seems that there is this "profile" of those who do any sort of sexual sin. Male.

No really! I can't count the number of times when a bishop has mentioned sexual sin he has directed his advice to the males present. My sins were not committed with another; they deal with what I chose to read and view and I almost feel like it's worse because these choices are totally on my head. I guess I worried, still worry that when I come in to him he is going to be more dissappointed in me because I'm female and should have been better?...It sounds ridiculous, I know, but it's just a gut feeling.

Brothers and sisters whom I will never see, please reassure me. Tell me that this is going to be worth the humilition of confessing to a man I greatly respect and whose good regaurd I can't help but feel I'll lose in small measure. Can anyone tell me the general formula for what happens when you go in to a bishop? I know he will treat my case as he feels is best but what can I expect in general? I think that having an idea will help me do this with conviction.

I'm eternally greatful that this is even possible. That I have a savior who loved me to pay for all of this.

Hello Spade,

I have some experience with confessing to my Bishop and my Stake President. First of all, I am not sure reading something bad or viewing something inappropriate necessarily calls for seeing your Bishop...unless it is an addiction or something. But, I have learned that you can see your Bishop no matter how serious or how trivial if you think it will help. I often talk to my Bishop about whatever I am thinking about or feeling....always very cool.

I confessed a lifetime of sins to a man I really respected....21 years of serious transgressions...I was inactive for that period. I just went in and said I had some things on my mind and out it came. We first knelt in prayer and then I opened up. My Bishop wept with me and the Spirit was so powerful. He was so not judgmental and was very easy to talk to. My current Bishop told me that it is his responsibility to help the members feel the love of the Savior. My Bishop never treated me differently and in fact we are good friends to this day.

[rameumptom]

There are no gender-specific sins. But there are some sins where one gender is more disposed to offending.

Most violent criminals in prison today are male. By a very large margin. Most child abusers are male. By a very large margin. Most sexual assaults are caused by men. Once again, by a very large margin.

Men tend toward a series of physical relationships, while most women tend toward intimate relationships. Locker room talk shows that men discuss their "conquests." And date rape is a very common thing today.

More men tend toward masturbation than women. More men are involved in pornography. It isn't a new thing, either. Just read Jacob in the BoM to see how the men were destroying the trust of their wives and children.

As it is, all those involved in sexual sin, men and women, need to repent. Bishops are not seeking to punish anyone. They are seeking to heal the person, and have the person come back into communion with the Lord and His Church.

[ruthiechan]

Ram, I have known many women in college who are into pornography and masturbation and all that.

Originally Posted by WANDERER

There are no gender-specific sins...appearances are not always what they seem.

Amen.

I'm sure everything will work out. You are doing the right thing!