Ugh, what a crappy week.

[RachelleDrew]

Sorry, I just need to vent. This entire thread is going to come across as childish, but I can't help it, I need to get things off my chest.

I'm finding it very hard to deal with things right now in general, this week has just evolved into such a predicament. To begin with, I've just found myself to feel very run down by my friends. The majority of the people I associate with are far older than I am, and while I feel like I fit in better with the older crowd, I'm sick of adults coming to me with their problems when I have very little life experience to help them with. I have no problem trying to help my friends and family, but I just feel like i've become a dumping ground for everyone else's problems. Then when I go to someone for help with trouble of my own, i'm told to suck it up.

I'm barely in my twenties, I may be married and have a child, but in many ways i'm still just a kid. With that in mind, I don't like it when my parents discuss their marital issues with me like i'm one of their friends, I don't think it's appropriate, it makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not a psychologist or a cop, I don't know how to help someone who is in an abusive relationship. I have a friend (as i've mentioned in a previous post) who came to me, and i'm far younger than her, for help when she should have gone to a cop/social worker/psychologist/lawyer/priest/SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I'm constantly terrified that she or her kids are going to wind up dead and since i've been so involved since the beginning that it will somehow be my fault.

I'm tired of getting brushed off by my son's pediatricians. Yes, this is my first child but I freaking know when something is not right with him. Don't be condescending and say that i'm overreacting because this is my first child. I'M PAYING YOU A LOT OF MONEY, YOU OWE IT TO ME TO SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SAYING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Even if you think it's nothing, what harm could it possibly do to run a few tests to assuage my fears? That's right, none.

My husband is angry with me and there is 100% nothing I can do about it. I made mistakes in my life, long before I ever met him. He knew the extent of those mistakes long before we had children and got married. It never bothered him before, but now all of a sudden it does? I think it's funny that ever since he got re-involved with the church he's all of a sudden become very ashamed of me and resentful. Newsflash: If the two of us were perfect and without past mistakes we wouldn't need the church so much in the first place. What does it matter now anyway? These things happened so long before I even knew him. I've never deceived or manipulated him, ever. If he was so distressed about past mistakes then he shouldn't have freaking married me. This is the only real source of contention we've ever had and every time we discuss it I feel like we come to a solution, and then a few weeks later he's upset about it again. I thought that I was forgiven of these things, and that they could be forgotten. Did my baptism mean nothing to him? Apparently.

Uggghhhh.

I'm sorry, i'm just finding it very difficult to deal with life right now. I just wish I could disappear.

[RachelleDrew]

ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE.

Health insurance is a pain, but i'm so thankful I have it. We got our quarterly statement this morning from them showing all of our medical billing activity from the past year. Between my months in the hospital, Eli's months in the hospital and all of the tests, ambulances, doctors, lifeflights, etc the bill would have been huge if not for insurance.

For the entirety of my pregnancy care and my son's stay in the NICU we would have paid almost SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS if we weren't covered. I am so thankful for this, if we got stuck with those bills my husband and I would have no other choice but to go bankrupt at 21 and 19 years old. Not all in life is awful, we got super blessed on that one.

[StrawberryFields]

Don't Give Up.

YouTube - Don't Give Up, You Are Loved

[Truegrits]

I'm tired of getting brushed off by my son's pediatricians. Yes, this is my first child but I freaking know when something is not right with him. Don't be condescending and say that i'm overreacting because this is my first child. I'M PAYING YOU A LOT OF MONEY, YOU OWE IT TO ME TO SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SAYING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Even if you think it's nothing, what harm could it possibly do to run a few tests to assuage my fears? That's right, none.

Rachelle, get a second opinion! You know your son better than any doctor. A doctors opinion, without testing, is just an educated guess based on information you give.
If he is NOT paying attention to you, go see someone else!

[MorningStar]

With my second son, I knew he had acid reflux and the doctor said he cried after he spat-up because it was a "reflex" to protect him from inhaling it. The poor guy would spit up all day and would cry for 10 minutes (at least) every time. I took him to another doctor, she said it was reflux, gave him medicine, and he was like a different baby after that - much happier. Another friend of mine knew her son had swallowed something and the doctor insisted he hadn't because he couldn't hear any weird sounds to indicate it when he listened to him breathe. She took him somewhere else and they ended up fishing out a penny.

Doctors do not know everything.

With your parents sharing their marital problems, have you tried telling them it makes you uncomfortable?

That stinks your husband is acting like that. I've been married for almost 12 years and it still makes my husband jealous that I kissed other guys before him. It's not a huge deal, but he doesn't like to think about that.

[Vort]

Rachelle, I'm sorry to hear things are tough. I have observed that life is like sailing on the ocean: sometimes you're on a swell and sometimes you're in a trough. Sounds like you're in a trough at the moment. If you grit your teeth and try to smile, soon enough you'll be back up.

I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's issues. You're right, it is not fair. Don't know what to tell you, except try to be patient with him and try not to take his problems personally (though obviously that's going to be hard not to do). One if his present issues is dealing with your past issues. This can be very difficult for some people. It's not fair, but part of being married is learning to live with unfairness. Just look at it as an opportunity to be Christ-like.

[funkymonkey]

Originally Posted by RachelleDrew

To begin with, I've just found myself to feel very run down by my friends. The majority of the people I associate with are far older than I am, and while I feel like I fit in better with the older crowd, I'm sick of adults coming to me with their problems when I have very little life experience to help them with. I have no problem trying to help my friends and family, but I just feel like i've become a dumping ground for everyone else's problems. Then when I go to someone for help with trouble of my own, i'm told to suck it up.

Totally hear ya. My friends are all in their 40s/50s. I love my friends... I'm a friend to them, but they will tend to be parents to me instead of my friends.

Originally Posted by RachelleDrew

I'm tired of getting brushed off by my son's pediatricians. Yes, this is my first child but I freaking know when something is not right with him. Don't be condescending and say that i'm overreacting because this is my first child. I'M PAYING YOU A LOT OF MONEY, YOU OWE IT TO ME TO SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SAYING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG. Even if you think it's nothing, what harm could it possibly do to run a few tests to assuage my fears? That's right, none.

Keep looking for a good doctor that will be willing to be thorough and will take the time to look for answers. Your own intuition is very important.
Good doctors are getting more and more difficult to find. General medicine teaches them to look for 80% of the possible problems...that the remaining 20% is really unlikely to happen, so they don't even think about those issues. But that 20% still involves a LOT of people...which is why so many people go undiagnosed.

I was sick with West Nile for three weeks (I was blind and having seizures) before my doctor finally said "Hmmm, maybe it's not the flu!" I went in every week for really scary problems that were popping up (like my heart stops beating..now I know that it was the virus attacking my brain) and they would just look at me and would say "hmmm, that's wierd" and would send me home. Come to find out later that I should have been hospitalized in the first week. I have spent thousands of dollars in my own money looking for solutions, answers, etc...I've gone to 12 different doctors, and was fortunate enough to find ONE was willing to be thorough and really help me. Finding that right doctor is hard to find (and one doctor alone might not have all the answers) but it is really worth it when you find him/her.

Trust your own intellect and instincts before a doctor's. I trusted what the doctor said, while I knew myself that something was really not right, I ignored every horrible symptom that came my way and now I'm paying for it with long term problems.

Originally Posted by RachelleDrew

My husband is angry with me and there is 100% nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry Rachelle. Marriage is friggin hard. You're not alone...going through "pits" is something that I think we all deal with!



...Doesn't it feel good to vent?!

Hang in there.

[beefche]

Just to lighten the mood a little.........

When your friends come to you for advice you can do the Lucy thing from the Peanuts comic strip. Set up a booth and charge $5.00 (she charges 5 cents, but hey, inflation!!!) and then give a very sarcastic or obvious answer. "Your arm hurts when you do that? Then don't do that." Just an option.

[WANDERER]

On the baby front: find a doctor that doesn't treat you like an idiot...they exist. Poor bedside manner is a professional cross to them...not to you.

On parents and adults seeking marital advice from you...don't give any...just make the appropriate compassionate responses. Most people won't hear or remember what you're saying anyway...just how you made them feel.

On your hubby....ask him to name all the women in the BOM (I didn't know...see Any Esthers in the BOM thread). You can actually do it on one hand. There's an Indian proverb No Life without Wife .....you can then continue to hold up four fingers ever after and mutter...no life except as wife. Oh I've kinda had a crappy week too. But I retain my sense of humour....and YES I am joking. DON'T DO THAT> LOL.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Venting is important. It helps you avoid killing your husband. (Or so my wife tells me)