Alright, I Think I Need To Get My Best Friend...

[kroboz]

Alright, I've got my best friend. She's been dropping a lot of hints lately that she wants to make our relationship romantic. I leave for the MTC in 11 and a half weeks (did I mention that? Toronto West. I report January 5th!) She already has a missionary out she plans on marrying, and when I come back 6 months after him, I'll probably screw things up if she and I had been dating before I left.

Anyway, she dates a lot. A lot of different guys, and I have no problem with this. I really don't have any feelings on it at all. She's always talking about guys she's dated and whatnot. However, whenever I talk about girls I'm interested in or have been out with, she gets bummed out.

Example:

Today, I went to lunch with a friend that is in our little group of friends. Her birthday is Monday, and mine is tomorrow, so I thought it'd be a good way to get to know her a little better. I'm not interested in a relationship with her at all, but we both just had a fun time and nothing more.

I'm on the way home from lunch, and my best friend calls me on my phone. "I didn't know you were going out with Mary today!" 'Mary' and I arranged lunch while I was leaning on my best friend's (call her Hattie) car, and Hattie was in the car. Anyway, Hattie seemed to get bummed out when I was talking to her. She dropped hints like she wanted to hang out right then, but I wanted to get home. I'm taking the entire day off tomorrow for my b-day and just going out and having fun, doing whatever. She had plans to join me at around 2, and she even cancelled a date for it, which means I'm stuck going out now. I am really kind of frustrated with the situation right now, and don't even want to go out tomorrow, but I'm stuck, and I have to think of something good to do.

It's frustrating when she can date who she wants and talk about all that, and I don't care, but she gets down when I talk about all that. We haven't ever been out on a date, and yet I feel obligated to her. I love her as a friend and want what's best for her, but at the same time, I'm preparing for a mission and don't need stupid drama right now.

It's frustrating how I just noticed that whenever I'm doing awesome and good, she gets depressed or down about something, and then I feel bad because she feels bad. I want to get away from that, and be able to not worry about that, but I can't. I'm the person she can confide in and talk to about anything. I'm bound to be a good friend and help her out, even if that means getting depressed myself.

I'll cut to the chase: What do I do? I can't just abandon her, but openly talking about this to her will probably hurt her. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel betrayed or unwanted. I want what's best for her, but I also don't want that to mean I'm stuck with all this drama.

I leave in 11 and a half weeks. It'll all be over then, but I would really like this resolved ASAP. Arg.

[gimpandproudofit]

wow, now thats a tough situation. if I were in her spot, i think i would rather you talk to me now about how you feel, instead of just having you be around me begrudgingly... I'm sure that if she's a true friend, she would want to know what she's doing that is bothering you. Ya, you might hurt her feelings because some girls get hurt real easily. As long as you explain to her that you greatly value her friendship (which it sounds like you truly do), but that you need to be preparing for your mission, she should understand. i hope that made sense to you and might be some help to you!

[apple]

If she is indeed your best friend then honesty is the best policy.

You are going to be away from her for two years and who knows how much she will grow in that time. . .You already know how compatable you two are as friends according to your other post.. .

My husband and I were best friends and friends only for five years before I saw what was in front of my face the entire time.

Maybe getting her entirely out of your life is a bit harsh.

[kroboz]

Alright, I was being a bit harsh when I wrote this. Now that I've got a cool head and had an awesome time yesterday (we hung out from 3-10 or so for my birthday) I'm glad she's my friend.

I think the real issue here is depression. There is a history of it on my mom's side, and it seems about once a week or so I'll get depressed for like a day. I get depressed, which makes me angry, then discouraged, etc. I don't want to be diagnosed with clinical depression because it's not something that's really serious. All I need is to have a good time and I'm all better.

What are the best ways to combat the depression without drugs?

[DisRuptive1]

Put the fork down!!!! Go to the gym instead. Depression cured.

[apple]

I have found that when I don't have the spirit I am prone to depression. But you seem to be spiritually in tune.
Sometimes "stepping outside your self" so to speak and telling your self that everything is okay despite the way you feal, just try to remember that your a spirit inside a body with emotions that can get out of control.

I don't know if that sounds crazy but it helps me.

[kroboz]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 18 2004, 02:02 AM
Put the fork down!!!! Go to the gym instead. Depression cured.

Heh, I'm 6'2", and a 155 lbs. I don't think eating too much is the problem. I'm fine with my body.

Apple, that comment about our spirits having emotions made a lot of sense. Thanks.

Reading self help books was the best thing for me.

My favorites are:

Psycho-Cybernetics 2000
The Tao of Inner Peace

Oh, and learning to meditate helps. Lots of books on that subject.

And exercise...even if you are not overweight it will help.

Learning a Martial Art is good too. I like Aikido.

[Lindy]

Originally posted by kroboz@Oct 17 2004, 10:28 PM
What are the best ways to combat the depression without drugs?

well kid, you are hearing things from those who have been there....and beat it!
Find something to do that you enjoy doing....Unorth found what worked for him...good suggestions
Reading is great therapy and reading scriptures and churchy books helped me... (but I really like that idea of the book about inner peace)

Music is my therapy.... helps me tremendously

and writing...... writing your feelings down in a notebook helps to get some of the frustration, anger and apprehension down and out of your mind.


that and I started going to more hockey games (WHL) ..... worked for me!

[Cyra]

Originally posted by kroboz@Oct 16 2004, 12:36 AM
<<..... She's always talking about guys she's dated and whatnot. However, whenever I talk about girls I'm interested in or have been out with, she gets bummed out. ........>>>

Open your eyes dear boy. This girl likes you, and wants you. But, she is also immature and does not know how to handle the fact that you do not like her on the same level that she likes you. This is very common in high school age girls. If you like her as a friend and want to only be a friend and nothing more, you must always be honest with her. Let her know that you enjoy her friendship, but that is all it can be. She willl not like it, but as long as you are always honest, the feelings will not be as badly hurt. That is just my observations as a 49 year old mama who sees this drama all the time.

Cyra