Question!

[LDSgirl]

Why is the average guy so clueless to what a girl is saying and feeling most of the time? Then looking at it the other way around.......Why do girls have so much trouble understanding guys and how they think?

PS: If you're married does it get easier as the years go by?

[HiJolly]

Originally Posted by LDSgirl

Why is the average guy so clueless to what a girl is saying and feeling most of the time? Then looking at it the other way around.......Why do girls have so much trouble understanding guys and how they think?

PS: If you're married does it get easier as the years go by?

Heh. Men are from Mars...

Men and Women are different by design. Due to biological and sometimes environmental variables, what I am about to say is not always true, but as a general description seems to be the case.

Women identify with feelings, emotions, interpersonal relationships and soforth better than men. It goes beyond just biology -- has something to do with spiritual gifts and sensitivities, IMO.

Men work better with absolutes. Reason, logic and facts are more intuitively worked with. However, these aspects of life are very harsh and unforgiving -- just like Judgement (and The judgement). So men are hard on themselves, and if not balanced emotionally, hard on everyone around them.

Women are also hard on themselves, but that harshness is emotional in nature and almost never aimed an anyone else (unless emotional health is disrupted or maladjusted).

See how this applies in the story of Adam and Eve.

And while this stays generally true throughout life, what marriage does is force the two parties to strive to adapt and cope with and understand the other pole. Ah. Poles.

Man <------> Woman
reason <------> emotion
logic <-------> feelings
truth <------> relationships

What I find fascinating about this is that the one thing that most helps bring both parties together, is the same exact thing that also mediates the following polarization:

justice <-----> mercy

...and that is: Jesus Christ.


HiJolly

p.s. please remember that this is offered as a generalization, and I am not bigoted nor sexist. Everyone fits into these a little differently.

[Honor]

Just finished reading a book by Dr. Gary Chapman. AMAZING STUFF!!! For once in my life I've felt some hope for the possibility of staying happy with one person for good. We'll always be different, but learning to speak each other's love language makes it possible to actually enjoy the ways that we're different.

[MarginOfError]

You also might take a look at You Just Don't Understand. I've advocated this book a few times before.

The main gist of this book is men and women generally view the world from differing paradigms. Women define their relationships through the lens of intimacy and connection--often measured by talk, rapport, and trading 'secrets'--while men define their relationships through status--usually measured by personal accomplishments, knowledge, and problem solving. Thus, one possible interpretation is that men and women don't have trouble understanding each other's words, but they do have trouble interpreting those words in the other gender's context.

This isn't the end-all of communication books, but it's a pretty good one.

[Elphaba]

This is what someone told me once.

When women make love, they are truly doing just that--making love. It is their way of expressing their most intimate and profound feelings for him, giving him the ultimate gift she can, including her soul. And afterwards, she just wants to sink into that love while he holds her, and she knows he is so happy to be near her, so happy he found her, and so happy he loves her.

When men make love, it's an event: Spent and show over.

Elphaba

PS: I worked really hard to keep that eligible for this forum! If it's too much, go ahead and delete it.

[HiJolly]

Originally Posted by Elphaba

This is what someone told me once.

When women make love, they are truly doing just that--making love. It is their way of expressing their most intimate and profound feelings for him, giving him the ultimate gift she can, including her soul. And afterwards, she just wants to sink into that love while he holds her, and she knows he is so happy to be near her, so happy he found her, and so happy he loves her.

When men make love, it's an event: Spent and show over.

Elphaba

PS: I worked really hard to keep that eligible for this forum! If it's too much, go ahead and delete it.

ROFL.

I agree with you, Elphaba.

HiJolly

[tomk]

Originally Posted by LDSgirl

Why is the average guy so clueless to what a girl is saying and feeling most of the time? Then looking at it the other way around.......Why do girls have so much trouble understanding guys and how they think?

PS: If you're married does it get easier as the years go by?

I've enjoyed what other's have posted...and they are correct, I think!

We are different creatures. While striving to understand the opposite gender is a life-long goal, and admirable, I think part of this is to also learn to play off of each other's natural strengths. Men tend to be more logical and dispassionate. Women tend to be more emotional and passionate. Men hold babies and don't know what to do. Women are natural nurturers and instinctively know what to do.

Those are broad strokes. Men and women are a mix of these things. Some women are more logical than their male counterparts. Some men are better nurturers than some women.

These are not deficits. The differences are by divine design, I think. That is the JOY the Father feels when man and woman become ONE. Not just sexually, but emotionally, logically, psychologically, spiritually, in every way imaginable. I can be quite frustrating. But those moments when I feel like I can connect with my wife like that are wonderful. I am happy to say I feel like those moments are happening with greater regularity as we grow older together. There is a certain joy in that.

It seems like the answer to your question if found in all TRUE GROWTH that happens in combination with God's Grace. It requires humility and willingness. I have learned to listen and respond to my wife's emotional response to some things that happen in our family...even if it seems to fly in the face of logic. She has learned to give way for my logical response at times, even though all her instincts tell her to go down another path. That is the real magic of marriage. The give and take. Becoming one. I suspect that logic and emotion are ONE substance in Heaven. That is my goal...and I am just at the beginning of it.


You have identified one of the age-old "mysteries" of mankind.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by LDSgirl

Why is the average guy so clueless to what a girl is saying and feeling most of the time? Then looking at it the other way around.......Why do girls have so much trouble understanding guys and how they think?

PS: If you're married does it get easier as the years go by?

I agree with most of what has been said above. I think that the general need for a guy when it comes to women is to fix it, whatever the problem may be. If the can't fix it they basically malfunction and shut down, get angry, or "disappear". I think it is a smart woman who can recognize this and say I just need you to listen this time and not try to fix it.

I think after being married for years and years (more than 10) you learn so much from trial and error. I would never want to start all over with another man. It has taken years to get mine to fit just right.

[melissar]

Originally Posted by StrawberryFields

I agree with most of what has been said above. I think that the general need for a guy when it comes to women is to fix it, whatever the problem may be. If the can't fix it they basically malfunction and shut down, get angry, or "disappear". I think it is a smart woman who can recognize this and say I just need you to listen this time and not try to fix it.

I think after being married for years and years (more than 10) you learn so much from trial and error. I would never want to start all over with another man. It has taken years to get mine to fit just right.

lol I totally agree with that.

[littlemisschatterbox]

My psychology teacher told us it's because of their brains..but you know what? It's really true. Girl brains develop faster..so technically they are like two years older than guys(at least in high school) Anyways, that's the technical part. I think it's just because guys are dumb jk I love them. I agree with everyone else, it's about how everyone deals with things. And some girls(or guys) have an easier time understanding the opposite sex. I think guys are easier to understand than some girls! But that is just my opinion