Feel Synthetic...

[MetalHead]

I have a huge problem concerning my faith and testimony here...
First off, I am a youth member at Seattle First Ward, 17 years old, and like the only young man there. All the other youth go to 3rd Ward, but that is a 25 minute drive away from my house, and First Ward is only like 5 min from my house. Anyhow, I am having a huge problem with my testimony here. Everyone at 3rd ward acts and seems completely spotless (except for like 2 kids). But as for me, well...
To understand here, I love death metal, but I dont dress like it (seriously), I like video games (like every teenage guy), and I hang out with kids whom dont seem to 'fit' in any school categorey.
But the problem is that, every time I go to seminary, church, youth group, the combination of 'perfect' kids, beating-you-into-submission kind of lessons, synthetic atmosphere, really makes me feel like a pile of crap, and gets me thinking to myself, "is this how life is supposed to be?". It really frusterates me, and what makes it even worse is that I like a girl there, but she is really 'pure' but nice at the same time, which really makes me frusterated even more! I try not to concern about these things, but this crawls up my butt every time I try to forget about it. I really hate family home evenings (which we rarely do), my dad is not part of the church and has divorced my mom a while back. It's just this hokyness of a atmosphere is really making me mad. I've told this to my bishop and freinds over and over again, but they dont seem offer any help with those same awnsers. I tried reading the scriptures, but that only made me feel more synthetic. Is there something wrong with me? What am I supposed to do? What is it?

[skalenfehl]

First of all, welcome! You will make good friends here, who have been down the same path before. I was 17, too, once. At that age you are still trying to define yourself. Finding your identity can be a struggle, especially with so many external influences. I'm 39 and I still listen to the same music that I did when I was 17, and I still enjoy video games. But I no longer define myself by the influences of my favorite lead singer in a band, or my favorite sports hero, etc.

As I grew older and stripped away all those influences, I began to find myself because I realized that I didn't need to fit in to any particular group. This is when I began to develop my relationship with the Lord. This is when I found out my true identity. Friends and fads will come and go throughout your life and even through your later years, but you will begin to find out that the things that you value most are those who value you the most.

You are a son of God. Whatever in life you decide you want to become (death metal band member, plumber, video game professional, etc), these things end up being what you do for a living, for fun, or for diversion, but they don't really define who you are inside. Once you find out for yourself who you are inside, you will realize that this is where your true self esteem comes from. It won't matter what others think of you or the kind of life you live or your family circumstances are, etc.

Everyone else your age is trying to fit in, feel accepted and define their own personality, which is why everyone your age tries to develop an identity. The more time you spend on, say video games, the better you will become at them. I was an expert at all the games I played and I still consider myself pretty darn good. Your coordination will be superior and your reflexes unmatched. My point is that if you also take a little bit of time to begin developing a relationship with Father in Heaven by saying one small prayer every day and reading a small scripture every day, you will begin to notice a change in you. Your faith will begin to build and you will begin to feel the Spirit working in you and the gospel radiating in your life. Your faith will become stronger and it will grow and you will gain a testimony. God will always grant you according to the desire of your heart. Start thinking deep down, what it is that you really want for yourself. Forget about all your friends, the music, that girl and think about you for a day. What will truly give you peace? For me it is building and strengthening my relationship with Father in Heaven.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I know what you're going through. You can find peace and happiness. Just think about the true source of that and seek it. Best wishes.

[countrygirl66]

hi metal head
Just wanted to say that my son who is 18 has had been in scremo bands since he was about 13 and loves it. He has had his own style of dressing and hair since he was about 15. He definitely doesn't fit into the "traditional" church boy appearance. Sometimes it has been a huge struggle for him with church because he is friends with a huge variety of people. And many of them don't fit the mold either. In many ways it has helped him to grow his relationship with heavenly father. He will be 19 in december and knows who his heavenly father is. He has always been a good kid in my eyes. He has never given us any real trouble. Sometimes it is just hard for people to see that you can play lead guitar and scream for a band and bless the sacrament on sunday. They really do both fit together just fine. I am sorry your struggling right now. Hang in there. Heavenly father knows who you are and loves you. It will get easier as you grow to know your heavenly father. My 15 yr old son loves video games and laughs when I try to play with him (I am not very good). Just be yourself and include your heavenly father in your struggles and you will become closer to him. I can't promise that life will get easier, but you will be able to deal with the problems that come your way better if you take them to the lord. My son asks for help before he goes on stage and I think heavenly father gives it to him. I know where I live sometimes I think there is a mistaken idea of who heavenly father is there to help and love. I think he wants to help all and doesn't expect us to fit a mold to help us. In my case I have seen him use the individuality of my boys to accomplish things others haven't been able to. My son and his band were driving to the studio and talking about religion. He is the only one that is lds. They asked a lot about the church and it's beleifs. He was able to reassure them that we are christian and point out how many things they have in common with beleif. They did tell him that he was the only mormon they would have asked because they didn't want to be converted but they had questions. My 15 yr old son has a friend that only leaves the house when he comes here to play video games. I think my son is the only friend he has. I think heavenly father uses my sons great heart and his love of video games to reach this other boy and give him an out from home. I hope some of this encourage you a little. I guess what I wanted to say most is that being different is a good thing. And if you don't fit in with your church group now that is ok, I never really did. The most important thing is getting to know your heavenly father.

[Hemidakota]

I cannot add any further advice that is already given sumptuously but if there is gospel questions, we can help you and hopefully, over time your own testimony will strengthen.

[rameumptom]

Metalhead,
The answer isn't to be concerned about what other kids think of you. The answer is to focus on what your relationship with God is.
Sounds like you have your focus on worldly things on many occasions, which is separating you from gospel standards. How much do you wish to follow God? I'm not asking that you be perfect, as none of us are. I'm asking how intensely do you plan on following God? Is he just a side thought for you, or do you have an intense love and desire to be with God and have His Spirit?
Points you've made: not going on a mission, some minor rebelling, judging other LDS kids for doing what they feel is right, etc., shows you have some spiritual growing up to do.

While you may love heavy metal, I would suggest you spend a month or so just listening to the kind of music that increases the Spirit. Metal tends to stir up the soul to confusion and rebellion, as do some other forms of music. The Spirit whispers to us, and we cannot hear it when the sounds around us are blaring.

You don't have to choose to be like the other kids. You do need to choose to follow God. Listen quietly, meditate, on what God wants you to do with your life. It probably will require a major overhaul of at least portions of your life, but it will eternally be worth it. We humans tend to be very selfish and self-centered, and judge others by who we are. God wants us instead, to focus on being a servant to all, and a true follower of Christ. You are missing out on many amazing spiritual experiences by going down the easy road of life, rather than taking the road of courage to follow God.

Missions and serving Christ are not easy. But at the end of your life, you will be able to look fondly back and realize you actually made a difference in the world. As Thoreau once said, too many people die before they ever really begin to live. And life is only enriched by giving it away in service and good works, not in piling up material goods for ourselves.

[LDSpunkrocker]

Originally Posted by MetalHead

I have a huge problem concerning my faith and testimony here...
First off, I am a youth member at Seattle First Ward, 17 years old, and like the only young man there. All the other youth go to 3rd Ward, but that is a 25 minute drive away from my house, and First Ward is only like 5 min from my house. Anyhow, I am having a huge problem with my testimony here. Everyone at 3rd ward acts and seems completely spotless (except for like 2 kids). But as for me, well...
To understand here, I love death metal, but I dont dress like it (seriously), I like video games (like every teenage guy), and I hang out with kids whom dont seem to 'fit' in any school categorey.
But the problem is that, every time I go to seminary, church, youth group, the combination of 'perfect' kids, beating-you-into-submission kind of lessons, synthetic atmosphere, really makes me feel like a pile of crap, and gets me thinking to myself, "is this how life is supposed to be?". It really frusterates me, and what makes it even worse is that I like a girl there, but she is really 'pure' but nice at the same time, which really makes me frusterated even more! I try not to concern about these things, but this crawls up my butt every time I try to forget about it. I really hate family home evenings (which we rarely do), my dad is not part of the church and has divorced my mom a while back. It's just this hokyness of a atmosphere is really making me mad. I've told this to my bishop and freinds over and over again, but they dont seem offer any help with those same awnsers. I tried reading the scriptures, but that only made me feel more synthetic. Is there something wrong with me? What am I supposed to do? What is it?

I would suggest praying. keep in mind that the music we listen to can really influence us, i know the subjects that many death metal and black metal bands "sing" about would not invite the spirit, they would have the opposite effect. one would have a hard time feeling the spirit if we were listening to unholy music all the time.

[rameumptom]

I would also encourage you studying Elder Christofferson's talk from this past weekend's General Conference.

Are you wanting to live in Zion and have a summer cottage in Babylon? Most of us do. Whether it is heavy metal, material possessions, or our favorite tv program, chances are they probably steer us away from God.

We need to remember the concept of "good, better, best." In a spiritual context, where are the things you are currently doing fitting? Are they good, when we should be willing to give them up for better or best things? What kind of music will bring us spirituality and bring us into the presence of God?

Are the video games you play the kind God would approve? And if so, are you playing them so much that they prevent you from doing the best things? Do you play rather than ponder?