Do I or don't I?

[rameumptom]

If he is a decent man and not abusive, then the problem lies with your friend.

We are to seek for the gifts of the Spirit. In fact, Pres George Q. Cannon once told the saints we should "contend" with the Lord for the gifts we need. The main gift he discussed was charity.

If we seek after the gifts of faith, hope and charity, until we receive them, then we will love people just as Christ loves us. The joy of the relationship will be immense, and we will find happiness within that relationship. It is a cop out to say you just don't feel anything for the guy anymore, especially if he's doing his best to give you a good marriage. You owe as much to him.

Alma taught his son Shiblon, "bridle your passions that ye may be filled with love". I find too many people seeking passion or reacting with some emotion, rather than bridling all passions in order to be filled with charity. Love is a choice, not an emotion. People don't "fall" in love, they fall into physical attraction. People choose love and develop it.

Think of Fiddler on the Roof, when Tevye asks Goldie if she loves him. They were in an arranged marriage, and now their daughters want to marry for love. They discover they do love each other, as they've grown together through the happy and sad moments. But it isn't a passionate bodice ripping Harlequinn Romance affair. It is a quiet, calm, considerate, compassionate, lasting marriage that can weather all the storms. Only in the latter can one find true intimacy.

But it requires both people to accept the other with appreciation. It requires begging God to be filled with charity and love for each other. And it requires choosing to love, instead of using one's own weaknesses or boredom as an excuse.

[BenRaines]

Amen Raemeumptom

Ben Raines

[BenRaines]

I remember how moved I was when I saw Fiddler on the Roof for the first time in 1971. Here was a couple who lived in an arranged marriage. He didn't sweep her off her feet. He worked long hours and had a humble dwelling. She worked hard in the home to provide a clean and nice place for her husband and daughters. After many years he begins to wonder about this "Love" so he asks her. She responds with the list of things that she does for him and how she cares for him. Yes she loves him and he loves her.

I was 17 at the time and that impressed me what True Love is. Not about flowers, romantic walks, watching sunsets while cuddling. Don't get me wrong those are very high on my list but I show my wife that I love her by the things I do for her and she by the things she does for me. The other is a bonus.

Ben Raines

[pam]

Originally Posted by BenRaines

Amen Raemeumptom

Ben Raines

That's probably because he quoted something from your favorite movie. lol

[bytor2112]

Sometimes my wife and I want to kill each other ....true love.......and sometimes 20 years of being together feels like eternity. Any regrets?? Nope. Looking forward to an interesting eternal relationship. I can't wait till I am perfected and have a 12 pack.....instead of a six pack .........not beer......

[RainofGold]

Many years ago when I was contemplating divorce because I didn't think I was happy, my friend gave really good advice.
I had to small children and was not working outside the home. She asked if I thought that I would be able to find the "perfect" guy out there and that if I thought of the problems that divorce would bring. I really didn't. I hadn't thought that I would have to share custody of our children, that he would eventually get married again and my kids would have a step-mom. That I would probably have to work full time to support my kids and myself. I had no idea of all the problems that leaving my husband would bring, on top of the emotional pain that my children would have to endure.
Well that was a long time ago, I have being married for almost twenty years and even though in hasn't being a walk in the park I am very happy and my children are happy , I have no regrets and I am thank full for the advice that my friend gave me. I hope your friend prays and makes the right decision for herself.

Rain

[HoosierGuy]

Originally Posted by pam

Wow that was a little over the top but ummm..okay. Physical attraction does play a part in marriage.

Sorry. I was in a rush and wrote that really really fast. Didn't mean to be too forward. But, all my life I thought that true Saints/Christians are not suppose to judge people by how they look. I'm wondering - if people in the U.S. based their marriage more on inside beauty over outside beauty, the divorce race might be a lot lower. Still in a rush!

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by RainofGold

Many years ago when I was contemplating divorce because I didn't think I was happy, my friend gave really good advice.
I had to small children and was not working outside the home. She asked if I thought that I would be able to find the "perfect" guy out there and that if I thought of the problems that divorce would bring. I really didn't. I hadn't thought that I would have to share custody of our children, that he would eventually get married again and my kids would have a step-mom. That I would probably have to work full time to support my kids and myself. I had no idea of all the problems that leaving my husband would bring, on top of the emotional pain that my children would have to endure.
Well that was a long time ago, I have being married for almost twenty years and even though in hasn't being a walk in the park I am very happy and my children are happy , I have no regrets and I am thank full for the advice that my friend gave me. I hope your friend prays and makes the right decision for herself.

Rain

Thanks for sharing your story. It does resound my own life also, now in our 27th year of marriage and the candle grows brighter every passing day - being madly in love again.

[Kirajo]

So, after reading all of the replies I've noticed one main thing in common. " Figure out how to make yourself happy and stay in the marriage." While that's really nice and all, it's easier said than done and most of you have probably never been in this situation so it's entirely too easy for you to point and say " do this. duh."

One thing I will say is that the friend of yours would have a better time coming up with a solution by asking Heavenly Father and not everyone elses advice. Mainly because she's hoping that when she asks someone for advice she's hoping they will say " leave him and everything will be okay and you'll be happy." Something that we all know most people are not going to tell her which will upset her even more and make her feel even more alone. So the biggest step she'll have to take is turning soley to Heavenly Father. Fasting, praying, serious scripture study, and perhaps if her husband knows how serious she is about leaving, he'll step up his game ( you said things werent improvingn after counseling.), and if he doesn't feel it's important enough to work on, then that's another step in some direction, whichever direction that is.

[BenRaines]

Even a Bishop will not or should not tell someone to get divorced. This is a personal decision.

Ben Raines