Religion/Life complications

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by BenRaines

Inside or outside the church I think the 11 year age difference is a bit much. If you were 40 and he were 51 that wouldn't be such a big thing but 18 and 29.

That was exactly what I was thinking from the original post. Sometimes it is nearly impossible to advise about young love. They need to learn by their own mistakes, however Daenvgiell has impressed me as being quite level headed. There has been some good advice offered.

[prisonchaplain]

OK, I'm closer to Anglican than LDS, but here's my humble opinion: Don't date someone who is not qualified as a marriage partner. Are you willing to marry an Anglican? If so, are you willing to become one? Or...would you just hope he converts? The Apostle Paul instructs us not to be "unequally yoked." In other words, believers should not marry unbelievers. Granted, you may consider Anglicans to be Christians. But, does that mean you're willing to become one? If not, why not? Because you don't believe the same??? Unequal yoking.

Some matters are not black and white, but gray. Romance may see like that, but when it comes to marrying, this is one of the most "black/white" issues there is.

[Maya]

My husband is 9 years older than me and believe me, after him passing 60 it will not only show it will feel! I was 40 he was 49 when we married... but it wont last. So if you marry marry for ever!

[hordak]

Originally Posted by BenRaines

Inside or outside the church I think the 11 year age difference is a bit much. If you were 40 and he were 51 that wouldn't be such a big thing but 18 and 29.

Ben hit the nail on the head. IMO this is a much bigger issue then religion. You and this guy are in different life stages .When you get older these stages spread out further and age isn't as important. If you take a Psy class you should learn all about it.

As for the alcohol it really depends on you and your ability to avoid per pressure.I know when i stopped drinking I couldn't stand to be around my friend when they drank, not because i couldn't say no but because drunks are extremely annoying when you are sober.This is why drinking is a group activity for most.

Best of luck in ether case.

[Jbs2763]

Originally Posted by BenRaines

Inside or outside the church I think the 11 year age difference is a bit much. If you were 40 and he were 51 that wouldn't be such a big thing but 18 and 29. If it were my daughter I would say get clear. A guy is 29 and still going to uni or is he a teacher?


Ben Raines

I could forsee dating people with a large age gap in the near future, I bombed out of college right out of high school, so I've been working like a dog for the last decade....I'm about to go back to college to finally get my degree and i'll be 30 when i start.


Thanks for re-assuring the old creepy factor that has been keeping me from doing this for this long ben...lol

[Misshalfway]

Originally Posted by daenvgiell

Thankyou all for your input so far. I need to clarify some things though. My parents are well aware of the large age gap, they are fine with it, we have talked deeply into the issue pretty much covering everything... even well into marriage, I just want to see what other people are thinking and what their opinions are, I am grateful for the responses so far and appreciate all the advise you are giving me.

What goes on in my head: I get comfortable thinking I can handle the situation, knowing that I will end up sacrificing a lot if her never changes (which if he did I would be extremely surprised), and then another small issue may arise with its differences between the two of us and I have to start from scratch again, usually resulting to the previous thoughts I had, of this is not going to ever work out, not to my favour anyway.

You may think that what I want now, is the guy. Don't get me wrong I would be very happy to get the guy, but I have also been thinking about this issue for a long time now, it's not something that has just come up, I do think about things long and hard... and then always wonder why I'm so indecisive.

I have always had my eyes set on the temple marriage goal, but my parents also brought to my attention of something that I was not aware of. Of the generation of my parents and all the people they know that got married in the temple, they are few of who are still married. It just brings it to my attention, that even though I want a temple marriage, it doesn't mean it is goig to stay that way. Having said that it also doesn't mean that if I married outside the temple that it would last either. I know that if any children I had would not be sealed to me, and that there would be conflictions of which church do they go to, what do we teach them, do we teach them any of it?

I don't want to sound like a stuck up "teenager" who thinks they know it all. I'm not trying to come across like that at all. All I want to say is that I have thought about this, I am still thinking about it, and I know it's not going to be easy. I'm struggling enough at the moment with my beliefs let alone this issue.

Sorry for the long winded post... AGAIN...

I tend towards long winded posts myself. I don't mind

The fact that you are struggling with your belief set is another reason why you should slow things down. Give yourself the gift of exploration. You need to explore your beliefs at this time in your life. You are doing exactly what is normal for your season of life. Making huge life decisions before your foundation is laid is somewhat precarious. There are those of us who have lived long enough to regret some of our choices or to rethink the logic we used in the past. You are not "stuck up" or stubborn. You are wonderful! And you are trying to do the best with your life. Recognizing that you are young and that you do still have blind spots and that you can't see around corners well, isn't a mistake in any degree. It is maturity and the beginnings of wisdom. I am almost 40 and the older I get the more I realize how much I don't know and the more keenly aware I become of my blind spots.

Be wise. Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Trust the Spirit....even if it isn't what you want to hear and even if it is different that the advise you receive. If I had listened to the advise I received from my parents and my bishop, I would have married the wrong man and been divorced with two small children. Heavenly Father gave me that vision in my mind. I said no to the boy and disappointed everyone, but it was still the right choice. Saying no was so hard.....I mean the ring alone! It was huge! But I trusted the Spirit of the Lord and it did not fail me.