Temple vs. Non-Temple Wedding

[Canuck Mormon]

Here's my advice, and it might seem a bit harsh.

You're 30 years old, an adult. You can make your own decisions. Get married civilly if that's what you feel you must. Your family will get over it. If they don't like it, they don't have to be there, although I'm sure you would want them to be. It's not your families decision to marry it's yours.

I apologize for the harshness, but I will not withdraw the advise.

[Wingnut]

I tend to agree with Canuck Mormon on the "how" issue.

[justme78]

Not harsh at all :-) That's exactly how we came to the decision to just follow through and get it done. I have always been SO close with my family, that they know exactly how to get to me. I know I need to just be an adult and push through...and I know that time heals all wounds. I'm grateful that his family is so supportive and excited for us either way, so we won't be alone by any means. I've just always been the kind of person where disappointing people is a worse punishment for anything I ever did wrong than any of the other consequences. It's silly.

Thank you guys for the advice, though. I'm planning on allowing my mom to be a part of the planning and everything as much as possible before telling her. I don't want her to regret not being a part of the planning process.

[Wingnut]

I might recommend that you and your fiance tell your family together, that he be there with you. It may be helpful to work out a "signal" beforehand...if you are getting too worked up, or abotu to burst or something like that, have him put his hand on your shoulder to signal you to stop and take a deep breath. Something like that. Good luck.

[Britentj]

The two marriages could be an issue until you realize why they ended. The family being non supportive is a huge issue. Take this little piece of advise for what it is worth,, Someone said that an eternal marriage does not make a celestial marriage! and I agree, I grew up knowing a ton of people who got married in the temple right away, and a ton who got married civilly first... let me tell ya,, Satan sure likes to destroy what he can't have. And while I realize how important it is to your parents that you get sealed, I really am not reading that you are getting married civially first because you can't control yourselves.. I am reading that you want to get married civially because you are worthy to go to the temple now, and dont want to "blow it" As long as you keep your eyes on the goal and work together, you will make it to the temple at your 1st anniversary. You need to respect that she probably wont respect your decision, and move on.. Tell her what you need to and respect her disappointment, and pray she respects your decision! I don't envy you,, I do offer you strength.,, I am here for you any time..

[Britentj]

Oh and I whole heartedly agree with Canuck Mormon!!! Now send me an invite already! GEESH! *wink*

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by justme78

I'm planning on allowing my mom to be a part of the planning and everything as much as possible before telling her. I don't want her to regret not being a part of the planning process.

Before telling her what?

[justme78]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

Before telling her what?

Before telling her that we plan on getting married civilly first (and hopefully next month if we can get the ball rolling quickly enough). She knows that it's a possibility because we talked about it last week (which caused a big fight of course *sigh*). Like I mentioned...we've already made the decision that we know is right for us. I know that she will make things as miserable as possible with the hopes of changing my mind. So...I want to allow her to be a part of it before she pushes me out. Then again...it's already started. A few weeks ago I had family in town and she was talking about how much fun it would have been for us all to go dress shopping. I brought it up today, and she rolled her eyes at me.

Yeah. I was planning on living at their house while I tried to sell my condo (I'm currently staying with them anyway, as I have been recovering from 2 operations). Now...I think I'll need to live at my condo until the wedding just to simply keep the peace and to allow myself to be happy and excited about this absolutely wonderful event even though she can't be happy for me.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by justme78

I know that she will make things as miserable as possible with the hopes of changing my mind. So...I want to allow her to be a part of it before she pushes me out.

So, I just want to make sure that I really understand what you're saying. You are going "buy" some good times with your mother by lying to her. Do I understand that right? You'll be pretending to be getting married in the temple so your mom will be a part of it, and at some future time (preferably before she's standing there at the temple alone on your wedding day), you'll let her know you were lying to her?

If I've got something wrong, please correct me.

LM

[Maureen]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

In other words, assuming you are right, if you can't accept your mom's position and move on with your plans, you're not ready to be married.

I just have to say this - great advice Loudmouth!

M.