Considered Suicide. worried about living - Page 3

Hemidakota · #21 (**permalink**) 10-08-2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeAnonymousGuy

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to
see this as a joke. This problem involves the high school that I go to, I'll explain.
For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

Seeing what others already said, I for one, am your brother and friend.

Gretchen · #22 (**permalink**) 10-08-2008, 06:26 PM

First off, I'd like to congratulate you; it takes great courage to post that.

Secondly,you are not alone; I have been a cutter for almost three years, and I often think that the world would be better off without me. I have suffered abuse at home as well as at school. I've been called everything from a witch to a fat person, and although your circumstances are different, I know that you can pull through this too.

I have a picture of Jesus in my room that says: I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

And this too shall pass...

Gretchen

ruthiechan · #23 (**permalink**) 10-08-2008, 10:47 PM

Dude, I feel for ya, and I am so sorry you're going through such difficulties. I had some seriously depressing times myself and had all sorts of people harassing me. It was awful. I discovered that I had to pick and choose my battles. The Spirit will help you with that.

I used to want to go to Never Never Land, or simply die, but death is never simple. If you think about it, after you die you will have to face your Redeemer and explain to him why you chose to kill yourself. As long as you can think of such things you are still of a sound enough mind to be accountable for your own death if you chose that route.

In one of my darkest times what helped me was this Anime Music Video. Here it is on YouTube: YouTube - Let Go Naruto

And here are the lyrics, and I suggest you listen to the song while or before reading them: Frou Frou - Let Go Lyrics

Then, I watched Naruto, the Japanese version. I found it inspiring. I would watch it, but ONLY IN JAPANESE! The American dubbed version is sooooo lame and they really muck it up.

And try to remember, all those punk expletives are really just insecure and taking it all out on you. It's wrong, but you can't change them and their actions. You can only change yourself and how you deal with these people.

*HUGS*
You're in my prayers bro.

LDSpunkrocker · #24 (**permalink**) 10-08-2008, 10:53 PM

Loneliness really hurts and i don't think a lot of kids realize that or they wouldn't treat shy and quiet kids so badly. High school is such a trying time on the youth, it is not easy for the many who seek friendship but are teased for being a little different or out of the norm from the elitists in the "popular" circles. I had a very hard time making friends, i was very shy and quiet, i was kind of a black sheep and i always felt different from most of the other kids in my school as well as my church ward so i secluded into my own world. I was picked on throughout school and often felt like it was god's doing, i always felt like i wasn't loved even though i know now how wrong i was. throughout the years i have made friends, some good and some bad, i allowed myself to fall in with the kids who would accept me....misery loves company

. many of the friends i made were into smoking dope and drinking so of course i wanted to be liked by them so i started doing the same things thinking it would make me cool (sounds like an after school special

) I didn't think nothing of it at the time but around this point is when i started having serious problems with depression, I contemplated suicide so many times but i didnt ever try to hurt myself yet. i graduated by the skin of my teeth (actually i cheated to graduate since i was more interested in getting high rather that studying) had a college education paid for since i have tourettes syndrome, i didn't do well. most of my time was spent getting high and doing various other criminal activities....i discovered speed, meth, crank, whatever you want to call that filthy evil drug. all i really remember is a lot of confusion, my parents just beside themselves with sadness and pain, my mom always apologized for not doing the best she could in teaching me the correct principals... it breaks my heart to even think of the pain i put them through. i did try suicide, first i think it was just a call for help, it worked, went to rehab when i was 19, stayed clean for a bit and then started using again, this went on for years, i started cutting myself a lot (i still have some scars from it) in my early 20's i overdosed on pills and alcohol, back to rehab but first i got to spend some time in the psych ward in redlands ca. fast forward all the cliche stuff, drugs, jail, hospital etc etc....the last time i tried to kill myself was about 5 years ago, i meant it this time, i had degenerated into such a hateful self loathing person, i had abandoned God and Christ (even though all the time i had felt like it was I who had been abandoned) i took a lot more than the required amount of pain pills, sleeping pills and alcohol to do it this time, i remember feeling so tired, i could hardly form coherent sentences (it still feels like it was a dream ) for some reason i answered the phone. no idea why i answered it but i did, it was my younger sister, she could tell something wasn't right and she called 911. the next thing i remember is waking up on a concrete bench at a facility in phoenix, i dont remember much since im pretty sure the pills were still affecting me , i dont even know how long i had been passed out but i know the last thing i had remembered was trying to smoke a cigarette and barely able to lean against the car when the paramedics showed up to the house. I now know that it was nothing short of a miracle that my sister called at the time she did and i am so thankful to her and my heavenly father who i believe inspired her to call. I am now getting my life in order and working towards being an active member of the church. I am so thankful that my suicide attempts failed because if they hadn't i know beyond any shadow of a doubt where my spirit would have ended up. there is so much to live for, from the joy i get drawing my funny yet creepy cartoon characters to the ultimate which is the love of God and his son Jesus Christ and the possibility for me to live with my eternal family, see my loved ones who have passed on. press on, the rewards will be worth it. you will be in my prayers as will all those who struggle with this.
your friend and brother in Christ. god bless you.

p.s. forgive me for being long winded and terrible at grammar

Hemidakota · #25 (**permalink**) 10-09-2008, 08:00 AM

Gretchen, thanks for sharing your experience. It is helpful to know, others on this forum are a helping hand with exceeding experience for individuals to look too for guidance.

I have heard this phrase first from Elder John B. Dickson, “Nobody Said That It Would Be Easy,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, [page 45]. It is interesting how such a phrase spread throughout the church. A catching but a excellent phrase to use in our daily lives.

Even the US Marines, which logo used on a 1970 poster, quoted; "We never promise you a Rose Garden." Is the same unique phrase in a sense? Perhaps.

However, looking in the scriptures, we can see why this quote was used and perhaps Elder Dickson paraphrase it from both the Marine logo and Matthew recording from what the Savior spoke, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30). Now, if we turned to Matthew 5:10-12, I do believe it does depict what the quote,” He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it":

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Elder Dickson recited this poem to add to give some vestige his article theme called “The Oyster.”

There once was an oyster
Whose story I’ll tell,
Who found that some sand
Had worked under his shell.

Just one little grain
But it gave him a pain,
For oysters have feelings
That are very plain.

Now did he berate
This working of fate,
That left him in such a
Deplorable state?

Did he curse the government,
Call for an election,
And say that the sea
Should have some protection?

No! He said to himself
As he sat on the shelf,
“Since I cannot remove it,
I think I’ll improve it.”

Well, years passed by,
As years always do,
Till he came to his destiny,
Oyster stew!

But the small grain of sand
That bothered him so
Was a beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.

Now this tale has a moral,
For isn’t it grand,
What an oyster can do
With a small grain of sand?

And what couldn’t we do
If we’d only begin
With all of the things
That get under our skin?

pam · #26 (**permalink**) 10-09-2008, 10:23 AM

Thanks Hemi. I have always loved that poem.

Flyonthewall · #27 (**permalink**) 10-09-2008, 02:55 PM

There have been many wonderful responses to your original post, and I hope mine won't be considered "hate" because that is not what I am intending...
There was a talk given some years ago by one of the Bretheren about a person who wished the Lord would take away their burden....I don't recall all the details, but what stuck in my mind was this...One evening this person had to return home after being out all day doing errands, and had to be home by a certain time...at the end of the errands, this person looked at their watch and noticed that they had a little less time than required to get home given the distance away they were...so they said a little prayer to remove their burden. While on the way home, a storm started to blow in, and this person had to ride in to a headwind, virtually guaranteeing that they would not get home on time. On top of that, the rain started to fall making the trip home miserable on top of being late. When they got to within the last half mile of their house, this person mumbled under their breath "thanks for nothing!" at God, for not helping their situation. As this person got into their house, they saw the clock on the wall and noticed that not only did they make the journey faster than they had ever traveled before, they made it home in plenty of time for what they needed to be there for.(I'm hoping someone will come up with a link for this talk, as it hit me in a special, helpful way, and I don't think I did it any justice here)
The Lord had not taken their burdens away, but bouyed them up, and strengthened them to make their burdens light.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don't look for the Lord to take away your burdens, because He will never do that. He will help you through them, strengthen you, and make them lighter.

You describe yourself as quiet, and never been able to make any freinds. I don't know what that means, but I have learned over the course of my years, that I have needed to step out of my comfort zone, for my own good, and for my own growth.

Since I don't know specifics about you, glean what you can of what may help, and do it. Maybe this is a good place to start, but it won't be the end all, be all answer you want. That will come through your efforts, and that of the Lord.

I wish you well in you endeavors.

StallionMcBeastly · #28 (**permalink**) 10-09-2008, 11:24 PM

Dude, here's some good advice.

There is life after high school!

The gossip and spreading of rumors seems so silly and stupid when you get out of high school and look back...... so don't worry!

I've talked with successful people with many friends and are liked my many who used be VERY shy in high school. It will pass man.

Work on developing confidence within yourself. Say "hello" to people you walk by.... ask them how they are doing. Simple things. You will gain confidence in social situations.

Don't worry, things will get better!

aruth5000 · #29 (**permalink**) 10-10-2008, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeAnonymousGuy

I have come to make this thread for a simple reason, and I intend for no one to
see this as a joke. This problem involves the high school that I go to, I'll explain.
For some reason I had always been quiet, and have never been able to acquire a single friend, i would always be alone and continue to struggle to get friends. Because of that people at school had assumed that i am mentally handicapped which I am clearly not, and explaining does not work. The lies keep getting stronger and more people there continue to bother me every year, they talk behind my back taking these lies as if i don't notice the world around me, i have become paranoid because of it and have considered suicide. Even the girl i had a severe crush on had tried to say hurtful words to me. Its not as simple as moving to another school, the closest one being 40 miles away. Why doesn't the lord answer my prayers to stop this? I've been asking for 3 years now for him to stop this and am starting to believe the gospel does not exist. Its not worth living life if i cant have a normal adolescent life, I'm no where near mentally handicapped. Please do not bring hate upon me, just help me, what should I do?

i feel your pain ... i was always the freak girl that everyone made fun of in elementry and junior high.. people always talking about me and when i'd walk by they stop talking and just laugh.. as if that wasnt obvious they were talking aobut me one of them would always yell some rude degrading comment to me... they would tease me cause my older brother had bladder problems and would wet the bed... i'd never let him know that though ... i know it would hurt him more then it hurts me .. its not his fault and who ever told someone should be ashamed of theirselfs... at my old house i lowered my standards just to get some friends ... i thought they were really friends but i was never happy and i soon found out they weren't really my friend they had been back stabbing me ... but then i moved here and i got one friend in my ward the first real friend i had had for a long time.. then i met her best friend and became freinds with her ... but it wasnt always like that when i first moved here i was mad at my parents i found my "friends" and they were moving us again ... but now i feel as if the was the best thing my parents have ever done to me ... who knows where i'd be today if it wasnt for that move

melissar · #30 (**permalink**) 10-10-2008, 09:26 AM

I was painfully shy in high school also and did not have many friends. But as other people have said, there is life after high school. College was so much better for me than high school was. I made friends in college that I still have today. Please talk with your Bishop and your parents about what you have been going through. Having battled depression and suicidal thoughts myself, I know that having a good support system is key.