|
||||||||||||||||||||||||
FairLDS.org
LDS.org
MormonWiki
Mormon Encyclopedia
FARMS
|
You are not logged into the site. Please login or signup. | ||||||
| Notices |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | Display Modes |
10-16-2008, 10:20 AM
|
||||
|
||||
Absolutely!!
[quote=hordak;269529]. . . Does a women who doesn't know what she wants and a man she doesn't respect who has lost his drive have a chance to reconnect.? . . . /QUOTE]
Hi Mr. Hordak: Marriage can be so challenging -- the ebb and flow of life never stops long enough to get one's ducks in a row to perfectly navigate each new development. And often in our clumsiness, we hurt the ones we love the most. When Mrs. Hordak says, "I don't respect you" she most likely is feeling no respect for herself either. You both have experienced so many life-changing events in the last 5 years -- two unplanned pregnancies, family deaths, medical issues -- that's a lot to handle for any young couple!! I suspect that Mr. and Mrs. Hordak were so busy simply surviving these huge issues that care for each other got put on the back burner. Fine tune your antenna!! Mrs. Hordak once said (and I'm paraphasing), "I don't care if you be our Mr. Mom," but lately Mrs. Hordak has said, "I'm tired of defending your situation to my family and friends." Hear what she is saying and communicate, not only in words but ACTIONS that you get it!! Begin tackling your education now so that you are in a position to hit the ground running when the children are school age. Mrs. Hordak could arguably be tried and convicted for conduct unbecoming a wife and mommy but I suggest you both opt for a deferred prosecution on this charge. Work diligently and expectantly with the marriage counselor -- even if she's lukewarm at first. FORGIVE HER and FORGIVE YOURSELF!! Wrap this situation with love and faith like you never have before. You have a serious situation on your hands but it doesn't have to be hopeless. Reignite your mojo and who know what else will get reignited!! 
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to TheLutheran For This Useful Post: | ||
SisterofJared (10-22-2008) | ||
|
10-16-2008, 10:35 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
[quote=TheLutheran;272113]
Quote:
Very sound, great advice IMHO  Especially considering it comes from a Lutheran  ( Kidding my friend )Thanks for a " level " and generous contribution IMHO God bless, Carl
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to ceeboo For This Useful Post: | ||
TheLutheran (10-16-2008) | ||
|
10-16-2008, 07:45 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
That's **THE**Lutheran to you buddy!
[quote=ceeboo;272120 . . . Especially considering it comes from a Lutheran
( Kidding my friend ) . . .[/QUOTE] <---- That's me punching my pesky little Catholic brother in the arm for that comment!Hey Mr. Hordak: How're things going for you? We're here for you!  Go Hordak! Go Hordak! Go Hordak!
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to TheLutheran For This Useful Post: | ||
ceeboo (10-18-2008) | ||
|
10-17-2008, 01:02 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
[MorningStar; Hordak, she is walking all over you! Put your foot down. You let her talk you into surgery TWICE??? I say whichever spouse is more insistent on no more children should be the one to undergo surgery. Geez, a vasectomy is not like flipping a light switch. Stand up to her. She is treating you like crap going out clubbing too. There are certain things married women shouldn't do and that's one of them, unless you are going dancing with her. Have you seen the way people dance these days?]
I have to agree with MorningStar. I can't see my husband or myself going out to clubs by ourselves. I think that when you go to those places you are looking for something more than just chatting with the girls. I am happy at home with my husband and children but I also have girlfriends that I like going out with to chat. But I go out with my girlfriends during the day, and usually go out for lunch or Starbuks or a walk on the beach. Perhaps your wife is doing those things because she knows she can and she feels she is entitle to them because she is the one that is working. I suggest that you stand up to her and let her know what is expected from you marriage. You just can't let her walk all over you and not respect you as her husband. I hope that it works out for you and she can see that she has a loving husband at home and doesn't find it necessary to go out clubbing. Good luck, Rain
__________________
"To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest”
|
|
10-17-2008, 01:54 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
-Charley
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to Elgama For This Useful Post: | ||
RainofGold (10-17-2008) | ||
|
10-17-2008, 10:38 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Update.
Too many post to respond to individually so i thought i could try to address them here and give an update. As to the why I got the surgery instead of her because she couldn't. Not sure if it's a state,insurance or Drs policy but they won't "tube tie" a woman under 25 unless she has 3 kids or more. My cousin, who lives in a different state,different insurance,Dr. etc. had this same problem. Seems odd to me a women can terminate pregnancy on demand but avoiding them is not within their maturity level. As the the Proclamation and traditional roles.I believe the Prophet speaks the the church as a whole and not to the members individually.I.E. there are exceptions to the rule.IIRC The church also encourages unwed mothers to give children up for adoption and believes children should be raised by a mother and a father. While i believe the latter to be true we all know of exceptions that have worked out well and have seen it go wrong in some instances.I have seen a family split up because the MBA holding mother stayed at home while the father couldn't support a family of 6 on $6 an hour.There are exceptions to the rules.But no not too harsh. We have talked about the club thing.It is difficult because it isn't some new behavior that came out of left field.It is something we both did before we met, while we where dating, and when we first got married.Saying you can't go out would be the equivalent of telling your hubby he can't go fishing with the guys. I told her how i feel, we set some ground rules.She declined the last invite because she wanted to spend time with me and gave me a call to see how I felt about her going to a going away party for a co worker before committing to it. After a lot of talking and thinking we have come to the conclusion we have spent too much time focused on our jobs and not enough time on us as a couple or even us as individuals.In fact I had a rather depressing home teaching visit a little while back in which we where getting to know the family. I couldn't answer simple questions like whats your favorite band, or what do you like to do for fun, without extreme concentration. I've spent the last 4 years defining myself only as a father while my wife has defined herself by her rank.We have lost sight of Mr and Mrs Hordak. In order to solve the problem we have decided to start dating again.Not just going out without the kids(which we need and are shooting for but is few and far between) but trying to be more lovey douby. Focus on each other more and not sweat the small (or big)stuff so much. As she has been more considerate of me "don't worry I'll cook diner tonight" i have been more considerate to her "you've been on you feet all day let me give you a massage." She has been more of herself lately and i have decided to go to school for me.To stop being idle.We are starting a marriage class next week and have set some life goals together.Before we were just living day to day and dealing with stuff as it came along. Things have been better and she says she is at the point when we were dating which is an improvement from the friends/roommates feelings she had a few weeks ago. Although i fulfill the traditional "womans role" I'm still a man and as such have limited imagination when it comes to acting on and building emotional intimacy through action. I really like the roasting marshmallows in the living room idea and could use some more ideas like that.Cheap dates or dates we can have with the kids, or at home would be great advice considering back when we did date we had twice the income and no kids. Any more ideas?
|
| The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to hordak For This Useful Post: | ||
changed (10-17-2008), Hemidakota (10-20-2008) | ||
|
10-17-2008, 11:14 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
In the United States, the FDA has approved two brands: Paragard: The website says that it is effective for 10 years, but my doctor told me that it's actually effective for up to 12 years. It is completely 100% hormone-free. The Paragard is about $600 before insurance, and when you divide that by 144 months, that's $4.16 a month. Mirena: This has a very small dose of hormone (but way less than birth control pills), but it does not get into your bloodstream. The hormone stays only in the area that the Mirena is put in. Mirena is effective for 5 years. Insertion: 10 seconds for the doctor/nurse practitioner to open the package; 5 seconds to insert it. The total time it takes (including small talk and preparation): Under 5 minutes. Note: The old-fashioned IUD of the past (from the 1970s), called the Dalkon Shield, got a bad reputation, but this was when the design was still primitive, large, and was produced by a totally different company altogether. If people are afraid of today's IUDs, then they might as well stop using today's highly advanced condoms just because condoms of the past were primitive and not very effective; and they might as well stop using today's very safe and effective birth control pills just because the pills of the past had several times the hormones and were unsafe. Last edited by MrsHart; 10-17-2008 at 11:19 AM.
|
|
10-17-2008, 11:37 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Sounds like you are getting it figured out!
Quote:
Star gazing geocashing - Geocaching - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Pic-nic go fly a kite model rocket gardening (fun to watch something your sweetie planted for you grow) board games couples book club - read and discuss a book together drive-in movie theatre cook something weird and exotic together exercise together - bike ride, or jogging, hiking. Healthy too! camping volunteer together temple night.
__________________
1 Cor 15:52 In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, ...we shall be changed. Last edited by changed; 10-17-2008 at 11:45 AM.
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to changed For This Useful Post: | ||
hordak (10-17-2008) | ||
|
10-17-2008, 12:07 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
10-17-2008, 01:43 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I would say you have to nurture your relationship first. When my kids where little I had no time for my husband and do regret it because he always insisted on us getting away for a weekend.
Sometimes we concentrate all of our time and energy on our children that we forget about our partners. I like what someone said once that if we want our children to grow up in a happy family we have to spent time with their daddy's, our husbands. Well I finally wised up and starting leaving my kids with relatives and going away with my husbands for the weekends. Our relationship grew so much stronger and we got to know each other all over. I'm not saying that you should go away every month. We try to do it four times a year and it has worked for us. Once a month we go out to dinner just the two of us and another the whole family. I think is also healthy for the children to be away from their parents, they learn to be a little more independent. I hope the both of you invest in your relationship, is the best thing you can do for yourselves and for your children. Best of luck, Rainofgold
__________________
"To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest” Last edited by RainofGold; 10-17-2008 at 01:45 PM.
|
| The Following User Says Thank You to RainofGold For This Useful Post: | ||
MrsHart (10-17-2008) | ||
|
«
Previous Thread
|
Next Thread
»
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
Linear Mode
|
|
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:45 AM.
