How to get the spark back?

[MrsHart]

Originally Posted by hordak

My second child is an IUD baby. We were the .9%

Wow.

I don't know what to tell ya. I'm stumped and out of suggestions.

Good luck.

[RachelleDrew]

We got pregnant with Eli on the Depo shot, so I completely understand. Some of us just don't have much luck with even the best birth control methods available.

"Saying you can't go out would be the equivalent of telling your hubby he can't go fishing with the guys."

No, it's not. Don't dupe yourself into thinking this way. Your wife can certainly go out with friends and get away occasionally, and she SHOULD go out and have time with friends. But clubbing simply is not appropriate for a mother. If the two of you went out dancing as a couple then that would be one thing.

Why can't she go shopping? Get involved with a local sport team? There is plenty of crap to do, why does she HAVE to go out to a club?

I am a convert, and before my conversion to the church I was constantly going to bars, clubs and raves. I know what goes on in those environments, and even as wild as I was then I STILL would have said that a mother going out clubhopping is stupid and not appropriate.

My friends and I were all junkies hordak, as low as our standards were for ourselves, even we didn't hang out with the barmommies.

[TheLutheran]

[quote=hordak;272641]. . . After a lot of talking and thinking we have come to the conclusion we have spent too much time focused on our jobs and not enough time on us as a couple or even us as individuals. . . . In order to solve the problem we have decided to start dating again. . . ./QUOTE]

Mr. Hordak~~

Congratulations!! Sounds like you and Mrs. Hordak have tenderly listened to each other and joined hands (and hearts) to head in the same direction.

Cheap dates? Anything and everything to do with nature -- walk in the crunchy falling leaves that smell like no other perfume on earth. If you're in snow country -- sledding, build a snowman, create snow angels. Bonfires (the best!). Play in the park. These are all kid-friendly too!

[Elgama]

Cheapest dates we have as parents are something nice to drink, a nice meal, box of chocolates and the TV lol costs us about $6 we get to bed early etc

-Charley

[Hemidakota]

Charley, I wish more people could think about the small moments does not need to cost very much. It just spending those moments together...

[maria1981]

Originally Posted by MrsHart

Hordak, I am very sorry that you are going through this. I did not read all the responses from the other forumers, but I did read your postings in this thread, and here are the impressions that I get of your wife:

1. She's lonely. I know this sounds crazy, considering that she goes clubbing with her friends and such, but I think that she feels lonely within her marriage and family life. Perhaps not physically lonely, but emotionally lonely. You mentioned that you two go out alone only once or twice a year, which doesn't sound enough to me. Can you find someone to watch the kids while you go out on your dates, once a week? I understand that your children are part of the family, but you don't need to take them with you everywhere.

2. She goes out so much because while out, she feels that she is experiencing the fun that she feels no longer exists at home. Also, she could be depressed.

3. Maybe she wasn't ready to handle the responsibility that comes with having a family, and now feels the need to make up for "lost times."

4. She's bored. It's not an excuse, but it could be the reason.

Maybe your wife doesn't know how to talk to you about these things, and when she does talk to you, she is not giving you the whole story because she feels held back somehow.

this is right honestly u have no idea whot its like for a woman to give birth then feel all those realy odd feelings
we have no idea ourselves why we feel this way or whot to do lonely is right
are bodies change we feel less atractive to are partners all sorts is going on to are bodys and are minds

just take ur time bring the love back its hard work but well worth it if u love eachother ur love will be stronger when u get through this