My Son

[Misshalfway]

I think being a good listener can help too. Keeping the lines of communication open and free from unpleasant reactions to his concerns. I think having doubts and questioning about this gospel is universal. if not essential to the finding and securing of lasting testimony. Perhaps if he felt that he had a safe place to discuss his feelings and questioning. Maybe he needs to explore the truth and even argue with it. Wouldn't it be great if you could do that together without argument or fear of mom getting upset or overreacting? Wouldn't it be great if he could express some feeling and you could ask him questions about things he hasn't thought of before or vision questions that lead him to his own conscience and his own responsibility? Perhaps then the Spirit can direct you to speak of truth or perhaps quiet you when he needs to find something on his own.

I wonder also if a negotiation might be good. Perhaps you could create an environment where he is free to search and question but only under certain circumstances. Maybe you say, "i understand you are questioning and exploring right now....which is fine....But I would like you to continue to attend at least this one meeting or teach FHE once a month....then you can choose what you do with A, B, and C etc." Then perhaps he can learn how to explore his agency AND obey his parents at the same time. I don't know. I am kinda pondering aloud here but he is still a minor and still is subject to the rules of wise parents. I don't think forcing is the answer but I don't know if leaving the parameters to his choices open is wise either. Maybe you determine a comfortable and flexible parameter for his searchings.

I don't know. Does he want to read about other faiths or explore different perspectives of thought? Perhaps you can direct and supportively participate in such pursuits. Maybe one FHE could be about the different faiths of the world. Or maybe one about how we determine truth and what the spirit does on either side of obedience. And then maybe he needs a safe place to make a mistake or two....which may be cool cause then you hopefully can process the mistake together. Sometimes our mistakes are the best teachers.

I think too, that you should act from a place of love and faith rather than fear and panic. ( Or maybe just take your fear and panic away from his view. ) I believe that God will help you discern his heart and determine his needs and then help you with a plan to meet those needs in wisdom.

Good luck, my dear. Man, this just isn't an easy one.

[Mirium]

Originally Posted by SisterofJared

There are a ton of great tapes and cd's of lds youth speakers... John Bytheway, Michael Wilcox, Emmett Smith, Brad What'shisname... etc.... tapes like You Only Live Once, But If You Do It Right, Once Is Enough, or You Might Be a Mormon If..., What Are You Carrying in Your Backpack? etc. etc. Good FUNNY entertaining tapes full of the spirit. Don't even tell him they are youth talks, just get them, listen to them at home whenever you can give him some good exposure. It can make a huge difference, because they talks are awesome and I don't know a teen that doesn't like them, even against their will they will find themselves listening. Get them, play them, leave them laying around.

And pray lots!

SoJ

Where can I get these tapes from?

[Mirium]

Misshalfway many thanks for your comments . I am very relaxed about it in front of him. We are keeping the channels of communication open and even doing some prayers together. He is not really interested in other religions just being very tempted by what the world has to offer. I think he struggles with the standards too. He is getting some help and support from his priesthood leaders and although he still is not attending church I feel all is not lost. I feel the power of prayer is amazing.

Thankyou, once again, for all your advice and support.

[RadioactiveWolfboy]

My son is 15 too, and because of the way other young men treated him at church he started putting up a fuss about going. I finally caved and told him he didn't have to go anymore and that I would not force him to go. He is also bipolar so he has a hard time in large crowds. He has said he hates the church, but a positive thing happened 2 days ago. My ex-wife had the Missionaries over for dinner and my son said he was going to leave until they were gone. Not only did he decide to stay, but he talked with the missionaries until they left. I have new hope that he may one day return. I will not force him, but I will encourage. I have seen young men and women leave, but come back. They are just testing their agency. I know it is hard. People were disgusted with me that I don't make him go to church, but they don't understand that I respect his agency and forcing him will just make it less likely that he will come back. Not ditching the Missionaries and hanging out with them was proof that it is not too late. I guess what I am saying, is sometimes we need to give people breathing room, but not totally abandon them. My prayers are with you.


Rich