My Son

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Oh yes. Every parent should know warning signs. Signs of being abused, signs of addiction, signs of mental illness, signs of potential suicide risk - stuff like that. "What is driving this behavior" is quite often a much better question to ask than "How do I make him stop doing that?"

LM

[Truegrits]

True Grits, I am happy that this is working for you. I have a hard time making my son go to church on Sundays, and most of the times he goes because I make him go. Tuesday is mutual for young women and young men and I have to push him to go to, is hard work but I'm willing to do it. Seminary is another thing he just wont go and I don't feel like I can force him, because my husband says that school is more important and he doesn't have to go if he is going to be tired the whole day at school. So I choose not to get into it with him

My son loves Mutual/YM; he enjoys Fireside; he goes out with the Missionaries at least once a week; he does not fuss about going to Seminary, and I KNOW he is in class and participating because my sister is the teacher. After passing the Sacrament, what he does not like, and gets bored from, is sitting through the talks. And yes, some Sundays he would like to sleep in and skip Church. Goodness, me too, some times...but we don't. At 15, he does not get to make that choice.

Goodness, I realize I grew up in a different time, with different expectations...BUT there is NO WAY my sister and I would have EVER even considered asking, much less telling our parents we were no longer going to Church. Have things changed so much, that a 15 year old is no longer considered a child?

Her bishop told her that she was responsible for them when they were little to teach them about the gospel and to guide them in the right path. So she is going to be able to say to HF that she did her part, and pray that they someday will comeback to church.

I agree; I think the sticking point is that I consider 15 as still being a child.

[candyprpl]

Originally Posted by MormonMen

does he got good Young Men Leaders?. i'm 15 years old too.. i would hate if he just stop going. why are you two the only ones who go in your family?

While reading all the posts I was most struck by this one.

Sometimes young people are not very open or have a hard time expressing themselves and so....I was wondering if you could get him interested in talking on these forums --- I don't know -- it could help because he would be anonymous (and sometimes that helps us open up) -- and maybe there are strong members (his age) he could talk to in the forums.

Just thinking out loud.

You're both in my prayers.

[Mirium]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

A few thoughts:

* It seems like 15-ish is a very common age to have stuff like this go on. Consider - he's going through the process of becoming a man. And he's discovering that his testimony has been based on stuff he's been taught and stuff he's always just done, not on what he actually believes and knows. He's got to find his own testimony now.

* LOVE HIM! If your love is unconditional, meaning, you will still love him even if he loses his testimony and gives up on church - tell him so. Take a good look in the mirror first - if you will love him less should he abandon church, maybe there's something you need to to about yourself first.

* Rejoice in truth. Even if that truth is difficult to hear. 15 is a rough time - and the times will remain rough for several years. If "mom freaks out" whenever she hears truth like "I'm not sure if I believe in God", then your kid will stop giving you access to future truth. He'll stop confiding in you, listening to you, asking for advice.

* Tactics don't work. You can't make him have a testimony. You can't give him one. All you can do is help him find his own. And guilt/manipulation/pressure/nagging/etc does not help.

I went through what your son seems to be going through. My dad was also a non-member. I eventually found out for myself that the church was true - many years later. I kept all my thoughts a complete and total secret from my mom, because all she ever managed to do was get stressed that I didn't have a rock solid testimony.

Remember - love him!

LM

Thankyou for sharing your feelings LM. I hear what your saying. My love for him is unconditional. I love him no matter what, in or out of the church. I'm glad I read your comments before I next talk to him.

[Mirium]

Originally Posted by Hemidakota

Ditto...

Adding, we also need to look into what may also be causing this situation that has not surface.

We had a talk about this and he has agreed to go and have a chat with the Bishop so hopefully that will help.

[YoungMormonRoyalist]

Three words: EFY and YC

[Mailis]

I am strugling with a 16 year aged. He often has headace on Sundays. Many times as he has been up too late.

Missionaries have been a good help for me. I keep you in my prayers.

[fish4kitty]

We have a 16 year old son who works from 3am to 830 on a local dairy farm on Sunday mornings only. He knows that if he can work he can go to church. If he chooses to not go to church we choose to not let him go out with his buddies during the next weekend. Not blackmail just a set of rules we have. When he turns 18 it is his choice but til then he follows the rules of the house. Stupid rule or not it is one of our family rules.

[SisterofJared]

There are a ton of great tapes and cd's of lds youth speakers... John Bytheway, Michael Wilcox, Emmett Smith, Brad What'shisname... etc.... tapes like You Only Live Once, But If You Do It Right, Once Is Enough, or You Might Be a Mormon If..., What Are You Carrying in Your Backpack? etc. etc. Good FUNNY entertaining tapes full of the spirit. Don't even tell him they are youth talks, just get them, listen to them at home whenever you can give him some good exposure. It can make a huge difference, because they talks are awesome and I don't know a teen that doesn't like them, even against their will they will find themselves listening. Get them, play them, leave them laying around.

And pray lots!

SoJ

[hordak]

Don't force him to go. At that age it is natural to want to rebel and if you force it on him it will push him farther away.

My 2 cents