Lies lies lies

[BellaBella]

For those who are interested in giving me advice ... I replied to katiekins the other day (sharing my story re: infidelity in marriage) ... it might be useful to read that first so that you have everything in perspective before giving advice.

But needless to say ... advice is what I need at this stage:

My husband have been unemployed for a long time now and finally after months of job hunting, going to interviews etc. he got a job ... signed the contract at work and finally things seemed on the up and up.

Until he informed me a couple of days ago that he never actually got the job.
He never signed a contract witht the company ... and what really worries me is that he went to "work" every day for the past 2 months but only got paid for 10 days labour. ???

I've been telling myself ... and truly feel that his self-image have taken a huge knock ... a part of me feels so sorry for him ... the other part angry.

He lies about so many things ... and I'm worried that this is getting out of hand.

[miztrniceguy]

i just cannot fathom a guy "pretending" to go to work for 2 months...mind-boggling...sorry i don't have any advice other than seek counseling.

[Misshalfway]

It seems to me that the lies and the habit of lying needs to be confronted. If he is lying this much about various things, then the truth must be pretty scary for him.

I think sometimes it is easier to lie to ourselves and others than facing reality.

Perhaps it is time for him to learn that dealing with reality in acceptance and honesty leads to more long lasting contentment, than always dodging consequences.

[tubaloth]

He lies about so many things ... and I'm worried that this is getting out of hand.

Sounds like it is already out of hand.

You need to help him break this cycle. Call him out on it. Sit him down, tell him you are worried about whats going on! Try to figure out (if it is possible) what is through process was. You probably are going to need more help then just a message board, see advice from your bishop and or stake president.

[Truegrits]

i just cannot fathom a guy "pretending" to go to work

I know someone that did just that. They had a baby, and after a while his income just was not meeting the necessities, let alone any extras. The wife, who had access to free baby-sitting from a family member, offered to go back to her job. He adamantly refused, said he would get a second job. Well, he came home one day, told her he had found a second job. He went off to this second job for two weeks; then she gets a call from one of his friends saying he is in a bad way, crying and carrying on about not knowing what to do! Well, ends up that he never wanted a second job, did not try to get one; he told her he couldn't handle another job, it was too much for him, but that she "could not" go back to work.

I think that some people get so overwhelmed with a problem/situation, don't really know what to do, but rather than admit that (which would seem like failure to them) they lie, thinking that they will figure something out, given more time.

If this were someone close to me, I would suggest them getting professional help.

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by BellaBella

For those who are interested in giving me advice ... I replied to katiekins the other day (sharing my story re: infidelity in marriage) ... it might be useful to read that first so that you have everything in perspective before giving advice.

But needless to say ... advice is what I need at this stage:

My husband have been unemployed for a long time now and finally after months of job hunting, going to interviews etc. he got a job ... signed the contract at work and finally things seemed on the up and up.

Until he informed me a couple of days ago that he never actually got the job.
He never signed a contract witht the company ... and what really worries me is that he went to "work" every day for the past 2 months but only got paid for 10 days labour. ???

I've been telling myself ... and truly feel that his self-image have taken a huge knock ... a part of me feels so sorry for him ... the other part angry.

He lies about so many things ... and I'm worried that this is getting out of hand.

Are you both members of the LDS church?

[the_jason76]

One question: Why are you married to a dishonest person?

[Hemidakota]

Jason, noting your first login from the last entry posted, welcome to the forum.

[the_jason76]

Thanks, but I'm not new by any means.

[DeborahC]

For a long time, my eldest son lied... about everything. About going to school, about his friends, about his name (he told people it was something else), about his age (he'd tell people he was younger so they'd be impressed), and on and on. I couldn't afford therapy or counseling so I just tried to live around it, not understanding it. He eventually grew up, joined the military, and became a wonderful husband and father.

I've asked him about his "lying stage" and he said it was to make himself feel better about himself and his life. In other words, to boost his self-image and get approval from people. He felt helpless and embarrassed in our situation (divorced, single mother with 3 kids and no money) and lied to make himself look better.

I suspect your husband has similar issues.
Maybe he can't find work and is embarrassed.
Maybe there's too much pressure on him to be more than he is?
Maybe ... well.. there are a lot of maybe's.

I agree with everyone else that he should be confronted.
But perhaps not alone?
Have you spoken with his family?
Is this a new thing or has he always done it?

I'd say you both need counseling to get to the root of it.
I"d start with the Bishop - doesn't your church offer counseling?
I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation.