my mom

[pam]

Honoring works both ways. The same with respect. Must be earned in my opinion.

[ztodd]

Tell your mom you love her but you can't allow the inappropriate touching to continue. If necessary, you might even need to say you won't be hugging her until she gets some help with that. But that does NOT mean that you don't love her. Emphasize that for her.

I'm so sorry that certain things about being carefree as other children is being taken away from you- but I guess it's your calling in life to learn some adult responsibility at an early age so that you can help your mom with her problem. But you certainly don't have to be alone in helping her- you should definitely have other trusted adults to help you.

[ztodd]

Oh, I know Xenos should and can only do so much to "help" her mom- I was mainly only thinking about how she needs to respond when she's in that situation with her mom, to let her know that she can't allow her mom's behavior to continue- in other words, to not even give her hugs until she knows that her mom is on her way to changing her behavior. I know that can be tough though, so ya gotta make sure to still let her know ya love her.

[rameumptom]

Sit down with your Mom and tell her that you love her, but you have limits to touching, as some things make you uncomfortable. Tell her what the hugging limits are. If she is willing to accept those limits, you will be glad to give her all the hugs she wants. If not, then she's on her own.

If your father is there in the home, you may want to talk to him about it, as well. Final point would be discuss it with your town's social services/Family services/Child services. If there is abuse involved, then your Mom needs help to stop it. If your Mom is that depressed, you can mention to them your concerns of how she is doing irrational things, and they will get her help - and get you into a safer environment until she is better.

[rameumptom]

Originally Posted by DeborahC

I'm sorry but it is not this young woman's problem to "help her mother" do anything!
Her problem right now is to help herself and to get herself out of that situation, right away!

A pedophile is a pedophile and in all my years, I know of not one that has been reformed... ever!

The best thing for her to do is to get out right now! At 16, she's old enough to find another, safe place to live until she can make it on her own.

Telling her to "help her mother" is not the best advice, in my viewpoint, and I've stood in her shoes.

Pray for her mother, yes!
Help her mother? That's going to take intervention and it should start by removing her from the environment.

There's a difference between a pedophile and a sexual abuser/molester. Molesters can be treated and reformed. Most people are not pedophiles and are treatable. Most pedophiles usually have an age group with whom they are attached, and are not interested in any children outside of that age range.

How do I know this? I work as a counselor in a prison system, and we receive training on all this stuff.

But I do agree with the rest of your post. She needs to seek help from state/local professionals, if her mother will not change. They will get both of them the assistance they need. You can also talk with your bishop, who by law must assist and notify authorities of abuse issues.

[countrygirl66]

There's a difference between a pedophile and a sexual abuser/molester. Molesters can be treated and reformed. Most people are not pedophiles and are treatable. Most pedophiles usually have an age group with whom they are attached, and are not interested in any children outside of that age range.

How do I know this? I work as a counselor in a prison system, and we receive training on all this stuff.
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You may see a difference and clinically there may be, but my question is have you lived the difference personally? I have been there and done that. No they don't change, they may learn to keep themselves out of a situation where they will fall into temptation, but no I haven't seen much change other than they don't want to get into trouble again.

Xenos,
my advice is that you will need an adult as your advocate to keep you safe. It can be a family member or not. Your mom is crossing a line that will interfere with your filtering what you accept in life and what you don't. In my experience when I told and worked to get help that the offender became extremely angry and portrayed me as the bad person and her as the victim, that is why you need and adult as an advocate. Pray for strength and protection. Heavenly father will help you to be strong and find the right people to help you. Take gentle care and know you are not guilty of anything here. Honor thy mother and father, a difficult one when they have betrayed your trust and boundries. I would just say that for me honoring my variety of parents has meant not allowing them to cross boundries that are not ok for me. First and formost honor your heavenly parents and those who behave like them. I'll be praying for you.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by Xenos

"Honor thy mother and father right?"

It's very important to know what honoring someone means, and what it does not mean. You honor your mother by not allowing her to commit crimes and distance herself from righteousness even further.

[FunkyTown]

Seriously, Xenos. I know you love your Mom, but you aren't doing her any favors there. You need to get out of the house. There are many places to go for help. Have you considered speaking to your Bishop? He might be able to get you another place to live. I'm sure of it.

[Heavenguard]

Guys, bickering over the semantics helps no one at all, especially not Xenos.
By "help", I meant to stop her (the mom's) actions in the overall sense, which I think everyone agrees is what needs to happen, regardless of label.

[zookeeper]

Good luck Xenos. Unfortunately having a uterus doesn't guarantee even the most basic mothering skills. I hope there are women in your life that are good examples of what a mother is.