How young is too young? -- Thoughts anyone? - Page 2

maria1981 · #11 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrawberryFields

My daughter got engaged last night she is 19 and her fiancé is 23 and a return missionary. They are planning to get married in about six months. Do they seem young to me? Yeah she does, she will always be my baby.

aahhh bless CONGRATULATIONS wish them both loads of happiness

MrsHart · #12 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 10:50 AM

RandomEquine: I haven't read other people's responses yet, but to answer your "How young is too young?" question, I have this to say - If you are legally an adult, and you KNOW that you are ready, and have the maturity to handle married life, then you are not too young. After all, nobody says anything when a selfish and immature 40-year-old gets married (just look at any Hollywood marriage to see what I mean), yet people freak out when a 19-year-old gets married? How is one worse than the other, you know?

As for your mom's concern, I can understand, but she needs to realize that you are not her, and your fiance is not her ex-husband. Marriage at an early age doesn't cause someone to drop out of school. It has to do with circumstances, the person's drive and ambition, and how supportive that person's spouse and family are.

I'm 19, I just got married over this past Summer, and I don't claim to be old and mature, but you know what? My husband is the kindest and most supportive person that I have ever met. He's very encouraging and would never, ever think of telling me to quit school. It really boils down to how you are as a person, your life's circumstances, and the family that you have.

DigitalShadow · #13 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 11:50 AM

I would say to get married when there is not a doubt in your mind that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and grow old together with, whenever that may be.

As for kids, I would wait until you are at least out of college and are sure that you are ready to handle a responsibility that will take up most of your time and energy for years to come.

Disclaimer: I'm not LDS and this is just my opinion from personal experience.

eternalpromise516 · #14 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 01:16 PM

congrats strawberry! i know it's super early kind of, but have they thought about a temple? i'm sure you'll be an awesome MIL (mom in law)

ZionWoman · #15 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 04:23 PM

If you love him and you have prayed about it why wait? If he is the one you want you should take him. I got married at 20 and my husband was 23 (we both felt so old!). We waited a bit while I finished my formal education and then couldn't get pregnant for a while and I ended getting trained in a trade too. You can certainly get an education and have a family!

ruthiechan · #16 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 07:06 PM

Pray about marrying him. If the answer is a go for it, then pray about when to marry him. My Mom married the right person but at the wrong time and it ended badly.

I would also take counsel with your Bishop.

Dolly-Mama · #17 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandomEquine

Oh, there is NO WAY I'm giving up my schooling -- and with animal science/vet medicine I really can't start a family before I graduate (all of the chemicals and gasses and whatnot that I'm around cause miscarriage 80% or so of the time).

We're going to finish school.

Enough said :-)

Just as a side note and maybe to calm a couple of your fears...
I work as a vet tech, therefore am around many of the same chemicals and gasses and things that you would be, I worked all through my pregnancy and they didn't even need to boot me to the receptionist area.

Not that I am saying get pregnant while you are in school or anything, just that things can be arranged so it isn't as dangerous as it seems.

RandomEquine · #18 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dolly-Mama

Just as a side note and maybe to calm a couple of your fears...
I work as a vet tech, therefore am around many of the same chemicals and gasses and things that you would be, I worked all through my pregnancy and they didn't even need to boot me to the receptionist area.

Not that I am saying get pregnant while you are in school or anything, just that things can be arranged so it isn't as dangerous as it seems.

Ah, yeah, I know that. But it vet school, everyone is learning. I attend a university that has a tech program running simultaneously, so it's a bit more dangerous. No one know what they're doing yet

. I worked in a vet clinic where one of the women was pregnant, and now with you, I know it can be done. Obviously, I will have to be pregnant sometime in my career, it's just not a smart idea while in school.

Plus, there's that whole "kids are expensive" thing. I guess I'd much rather be making money than spending money when he and I decide to start a family

declanr · #19 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 11:16 PM

Just wait, statistically the younger you marry the more likely a divorce, also don't think becuase you are a conservative Christian you stand a better chance, statisitcally that demographic has a higher rate of divorce than atheists.

Also keep in mind the human mind has not fully matured until the age of 25, your judgment, personality, etc, are all still developing at rapid pace.

Just wait, get your education at least halfway done (since it takes 8 years to be a vet).

The Non-lds advice would be to live together and see how you fit, most older exp. people i have met think this is a good way to get to know another person and bring the reality of the relationship out. Of course if you are a strict LDS this is a no-no, I would also evaluate your want to have sexual relations (if you have not) as a bad motive for wanting to get married to soon...

Dec

RandomEquine · #20 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 11:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by declanr

Just wait, statistically the younger you marry the more likely a divorce, also don't think becuase you are a conservative Christian you stand a better chance, statisitcally that demographic has a higher rate of divorce than atheists.

Also keep in mind the human mind has not fully matured until the age of 25, your judgment, personality, etc, are all still developing at rapid pace.

Just wait, get your education at least halfway done (since it takes 8 years to be a vet).

The Non-lds advice would be to live together and see how you fit, most older exp. people i have met think this is a good way to get to know another person and bring the reality of the relationship out. Of course if you are a strict LDS this is a no-no, I would also evaluate your want to have sexual relations (if you have not) as a bad motive for wanting to get married to soon...

Dec

Um, wow.

Well, first off, we're not conservative

-- and we are mature, believe it or not. I know it's difficult for many adults (who aren't LDS anyway) to understand that we can be mature at our age, but it's true.

Also, we haven't had sex, aren't getting married for sex, and will not live with each other before marriage (of course, these were my thoughts before converting, so they didn't change).

Thank you for your response. I enjoy different viewpoints.