How young is too young? -- Thoughts anyone?

[declanr]

Originally Posted by RandomEquine

Um, wow.

Well, first off, we're not conservative -- and we are mature, believe it or not. I know it's difficult for many adults (who aren't LDS anyway) to understand that we can be mature at our age, but it's true.

Also, we haven't had sex, aren't getting married for sex, and will not live with each other before marriage (of course, these were my thoughts before converting, so they didn't change).

Thank you for your response. I enjoy different viewpoints.

Lol, LDS and not conservative Christian! I thought LDS was actually the best example of that! (this is a good thing)

Mature? Every 19 year old thinks they are mature, being LDS and believing in some faith is no exception to the rule, in fact I would call it a detriment to development.

I'm here to help, I mainly quoted stats. that should clue you in. I was married young, thought I knew it all, I was wrong, the older you get, the more you realize the less you actually know!

I wish you the best, whatever your decision!

Dec

[NateHowe]

Only you can decide whether it is too soon, but as far as being too young, you've both passed the legal age of consent, and you can make your own decision together. If you are 100% sure that you should get married to each other, I see little reason to wait. My wife and I have very much enjoyed our college/work/marriage/parenthood journey together, even though the money is tight. If you don't know that this is the right person for you, then it is definitely too soon.

[Dolly-Mama]

Originally Posted by RandomEquine

Plus, there's that whole "kids are expensive" thing. I guess I'd much rather be making money than spending money when he and I decide to start a family

That is noo joke!!

[nc31410]

I totally understand you and your mom's concern! I got preg. at 17, and got married at 17 (I thought 17 was TOO young), but i was totally determined to finish high school!! And I did. And I had the wonderful support of my husband. He took up a part time job so that he would be able to watch our daughter in the mornings while i was in school. Hence...his weekly payments of 120! It sucked! But I finished high school. Walked with my class. And i've never felt so accomplished. I think that when someone has education placed as a priority there is no stopping you! Everything will come into place for you! So re-assure your mom! lol, she should know better to trust you in to not making the same mistakes she did. (that she didn't persue her education)!

[rayhale]

There are four major things you need to do to decide on whether or not you should get married (not necessarily in order):
Fast; fast separately and together
Pray; pray separately, and together
Talk to your Bishop, and have your fiancée talk to his/her Bishop, and if possible talk to one of your Bishops together, have ‘pre-marriage’ counseling so you can avoid marriage counseling.
Talk to your fiancée. This step is one that no other post mentioned at all, but it is one of the most basic, and necessary steps you need to take. Ask him/her what do you want to do if we have a child? Stay in school, stay on the job, or quit? Find out where he/she stands on such issues.
Lack of commutation and immaturity are major reasons for divorce, not age.
Marriage counseling gets a bad rep since people only goes there when something is bad enough that divorce is very close to becoming a reality. However, that shouldn’t be the case. Why not talk out your feelings to each other in marriage counseling BEFORE it gets that bad?

[fish4kitty]

I was 21 my wife was 18. Been married going on 18 years. She gave up her education to start our family. She still wishes we would have waited and let her get her education. Not that being married has been bad BUT she never finished school. Man and I a fortunate man. I count my blessings daily. God has been so good to us. Schooling or no schooling she sure is awesome. I'd like to see a degree get 4 kids to three different schools by 8 am and still go to work at another school and be back at other 3 schools to pick kids up and fix supper get laundry done and everything else she does that I don't even know about. Talk about multitasking...She is awesome.....I love her so much I can't even imagine life without her.

[debi56]

It is so awesome that you feel this way about her. I am sure she is just as lucky to have you.

[Over43]

Originally Posted by RandomEquine

Alright.....this may sound childish/teenagerish/whatever -- but I'm always happy to get advice from people, and it never hurts to ask I suppose...

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the better part of three years (good friends for longer than that). We are planning on getting married this coming summer. He's been out on mission, is back, and I was baptized while he was gone. I am the only LDS member in my family.

Now, we've been discussing with my family (parents and siblings) that we want to get married. I'm 19, he's 21, and I'm a freshman in college. I'm in a pre-veterinary program, and coupled with vet school, I will be in college for a minimum of 8 years. He currently is working, but will be taking a few classes this spring towards his degree. The college he will be attending back home (we live about two hours apart) has a campus about 10 minutes from my university, so neither of us would be giving up an education. We've talked alot about marriage, what it means to be married, and how difficult it very well may be getting married at such a young age.

Here's the dilemma. My mother, when she was 18, became pregnant, married the father of her child, and gave up all of her educational dreams to start a family. That marriage ended in divorce. She is extremely concerned that I will give up my education for the same thing. She claims that we are simply "too young" to understand what marriage is, how it will be, etc. That people change and we'll probably end up divorcing. Basically, she would much rather he and I "shack up" for 8 years while I finish schooling than get married.

Mind you, both he and I refuse to live with each other before marriage (for obvious reasons).

I know most LDS marry young, but my question to you is, how young is too young?

For what it's worth I was 23 fortwo months when I got married and my wife was 19 1/2. We've been married 22 years now. I have a friend who is marrying for the first time in May at 44. The only gift he wants from me is to know how a marriage can last that long. I don't think there is a secret as long as you remember that marriage is not in the similitude of throw away contact lenses.

O43

[Hemidakota]

This advise I offered my third daughter when she got sealed in the San Diego Temple, do not have any children until you have finally completed your education. I do agree with Pam on this issue that every daughter should have a decent education. It can only enhanced the family and rearing of children.

[Shera]

I think that is a hard question to answer because I feel that it is such an individual thing. I was 19 when I got married and I totally felt that it was right, and i was ready. However my brother is engaged to a 19 year old who is so immature and shallow that I really think they will struggle. (that's my opinion) My grandma was married at 16...Her father had died and her mother really struggled so she basically raised the family. At 16 she was ready to be married. On the other hand, I know some people who are in their late 40's but are not ready for marriage. Everyone is at a different stage in their life that's why I think it is an individual thing.
My strongest opinion is that if you know you have found "the one", why put it off? Why delay your progression and joy? If you put your trust in God, things will fall into place.
Your mom is right that marriage is hard. I never fought once with my fiance, but once he was my husband we definetely had our differences. But we love each other and work them out. We had to learn to compromise and serve eachother. I thought Pres. Hinckley's advice was the best ever..... something like......"love your spouse just a little bit more than you love yourself". Great advice!
I think marriage is hard at a young age because it's new, we have spent most of our lives focusing on and pleasing ourselves, and then you get married and so much of it is about the other person. But I also think that getting married young, and for the right reasons, is wonderful becuase it allows you to grow together. You learn and experience things together. You're still learning who you are and developing that person, so it's great to do that together!
I think that if others think you are too young, you need to help them to realize that you are ready. That you are mature and responsible enough to work through problems and challenges. .... and also that you have goals and a plan to reach them. ......But ultimately it is your decision, so make it a good one and one that you are willing to work your hardest at! .......... just a few thoughts.