How young is too young? -- Thoughts anyone?

RandomEquine · #1 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 07:12 PM

Alright.....this may sound childish/teenagerish/whatever -- but I'm always happy to get advice from people, and it never hurts to ask I suppose...

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the better part of three years (good friends for longer than that). We are planning on getting married this coming summer. He's been out on mission, is back, and I was baptized while he was gone. I am the only LDS member in my family.

Now, we've been discussing with my family (parents and siblings) that we want to get married. I'm 19, he's 21, and I'm a freshman in college. I'm in a pre-veterinary program, and coupled with vet school, I will be in college for a minimum of 8 years. He currently is working, but will be taking a few classes this spring towards his degree. The college he will be attending back home (we live about two hours apart) has a campus about 10 minutes from my university, so neither of us would be giving up an education. We've talked alot about marriage, what it means to be married, and how difficult it very well may be getting married at such a young age.

Here's the dilemma. My mother, when she was 18, became pregnant, married the father of her child, and gave up all of her educational dreams to start a family. That marriage ended in divorce. She is extremely concerned that I will give up my education for the same thing. She claims that we are simply "too young" to understand what marriage is, how it will be, etc. That people change and we'll probably end up divorcing. Basically, she would much rather he and I "shack up" for 8 years while I finish schooling than get married.

Mind you, both he and I refuse to live with each other before marriage (for obvious reasons).

I know most LDS marry young, but my question to you is, how young is too young?

Kirajo · #2 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 07:36 PM

Okay I got married to an RM 2 months after high school and I continue to support him in his schooling. We now have a beautiful 15 month old daughter and I still feel like no matter how much education I could have had, I would have never felt as accomplished and grateful as I do as a mother. Women spend so many years of their lives focusing on schooling and putting off marriage and family, and when they finally get to the point of having children they realize that THIS is what they've been waiting for. Good luck! If you have both prayed about it and feel good about it, it's no one elses business but yours, his and the Lords.

pam · #3 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 07:48 PM

At the same time too..While motherhood is extremely important...even President Hinckley advised young women to get an education. To learn a skill..so should they EVER have to..they would have something to fall back on.

Kirajo · #4 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 07:50 PM

Thanks Pam!! I agree with this one. I don't think that just becuase you get married young means you have to give up what you want to do. I still plan on going to school!!

pam · #5 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 07:54 PM

I totally agree with you Kira.

RandomEquine · #6 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 08:02 PM

Oh, there is NO WAY I'm giving up my schooling -- and with animal science/vet medicine I really can't start a family before I graduate (all of the chemicals and gasses and whatnot that I'm around cause miscarriage 80% or so of the time).

We're going to finish school.

Enough said :-)

pam · #7 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 08:04 PM

Then I wish you the best. Sounds like you have some wonderful goals in mind and have your head just where it needs to be.

Rico · #8 (**permalink**) 11-05-2008, 08:52 PM

If it would help you feel more sure of your decision and you are truly looking for more advice, your boyfriend and you should both visit your Bishop to discuss your plans to get married and seek his advice on the matter.

StrawberryFields · #9 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 12:35 AM

My daughter got engaged last night she is 19 and her fiancé is 23 and a return missionary. They are planning to get married in about six months. Do they seem young to me? Yeah she does, she will always be my baby.

Kyra · #10 (**permalink**) 11-06-2008, 12:51 AM

I got married at 19 to a man who had just returned from his mission. I don't think I got married too young because I prayed about it and that's what was right for me. That's what you have to do, pray about it. No one can tell you what's right for you except Heavenly Father.