Serious question about repenting

[Frodo]

If I have had a problem in the past that was not repented of and I go to my bishop now, will I have to tell my spouse about my problem? It's very embarrassing and probably not even appropriate to exactly explain the problem here. But let's just say it had to do with a morality thing that only included myself. It's hard enough to go to my bishop with this, but do I have to tell my wife?

[Lbybug]

i'd say pray about it. talk to your bishop about it.

if the role was reversed and it was you that was "in the dark" about something your wife was feeling bad about or repenting about, how would you feel? would you want to know about it?

she may also be able to help support you and help you with your struggles. it maybe be embarassing, but she's your wife.

good luck

[john doe]

Counsel with the bishop about it. He will tell you what you should do.

[jolee65]

In the past like before your wife?

If so, I would think that was your sin as long as its something you havent done since the marriage, why raise flags thats not even there anymore.

But if its something that has been done since the marriage then let her know up front its something you did in the past it wont be a problem in the future but here it is,Im sure she would admire your honesty and your loyality to her and our Heavenly Father.

[rayhale]

I agree with jolee but I, personally, would like to know everything about my wife, the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I would in return share with her. Even if your sin were before your marriage, if it is unresolved, I would talk to the Bishop and to my wife, not because I would feel I was forced to, but because I want to because I love her.

[Gwen]

two things came to my mind when i read this... one, when you say "not repented of" do you mean not repented or never confessed? if it's not on going and you have done everything you need to do repent all but confession is there still need of confession?

i struggled for a time for something i felt i had repented of but then for some reason yrs later it came to my mind and i thought "should i have confessed that?".. i never had.. but i did everything i felt at the time i should have done... it weighed on me for awhile trying to figure out what to do.... then our home teacher came over and shared a story he picked instead of the "what you are supposed to teach" and it was exactly what i needed to hear... i looked and looked for the article by the way and can't find it but i do know it was from the ensign... anyway... it was about an older couple that always refused to hold callings... they came to church, seemed to do all they should, but when extended a call they would turn it down. so one day the bishop goes to their home to ask them about it. they finally confessed that they were unworthy... that many yrs earlier before they were married they had crossed some lines and had never confessed. the bishop told them that they had repented and they were worthy to hold callings, time and change does heal some things. for me there were a few messages in there, one encouragement to take care of things when they happen, two time does heal, repentance isn't in the confession, it's in the heart, confession is important and helps but that's not where repentance takes place ultimately... three if you can't be at peace after all you can do sometimes it's ok to bring up the past and receive that validation. but if you feel it's repented of, you've done all you can do, what is the bishop really going to say? some things are healed with time.

the other thing that comes to mind is something someone posted here in advise to someone else asking about confessing somthing to a spouse... i don't remember it exaclty but the essence of it.. when confessing or making right past wrongs you must first do no harm. if trying to fix the problem will hurt the other person more than it will help then don't "fix" it... if your marriage is good and you know your wife well enough that this will hurt her, it's been repented of, how will this help anything. should you have told her before you got married, yes... will it help to tell her now? that's up to you.

i guess bottom line to all my rambeling is, pray about it, on both accounts of if to tell the bishop or your wife. what is your standing with the lord, that is what matters most.

[Misshalfway]

Really great post Gwen.


I did want to add though, that if I were the spouse and found out about this at some later date, I would feel a sense of hurt that my husband didn't trust me enough to share this with me. But, I am not sure if sharing every detail of our pasts is necessary to healthy marriage. So, not knowing your wife and not knowing proper perspective about your life, prayer and perhaps bishop's counsel is the best thing.

I often feel grateful for bishops. They are generally much more merciful with me than I am with me.

[ZionWoman]

When it comes to things like this, you have to ask yourself "Why am I telling my spouse this?'' Is it a selfish reason, to help get it off your own mind? I hate to say it but I was in a similar situation (not the same problem but also a morality issue) and to be clear, my bishop did not make telling my spouse a condition of the repentance process. It is up to you usually to decide if that is truly necessary. Don't let that stop you from going to the bishop. You will feel better once the repentance is underway.

[Alana]

I don't think there is any easy answer for this. Part of the repentance process is righting wrongs. Then, if she doesn't know this is going on, is apologizing to her helping you and hurting her, hurting you and helping her, helping you both, hurting both, ect. As you talk to your bishop you might start to get the impression of what it is the Lord requires you to do. Also, you can pray and fast on this and know what the Lord wants you to do.