How do I support my husband?

[ZionWoman]

I know you probably just want this one to end but if I can just add my two cents....

Sometimes, we need to approach our husbands from a place of love and not frustration. Remove yourself enough from the situation so that you can come from a place of love. Remember what his favorite way of communicating is (does that make sense? My h likes to come from humour... he likes alight hearted approach, it softens it for him but he always gets the point) and tell him in that way. You may have to let it go for a little bit and seek strength elsewhere. Be patient. Walk away. Tell him that he is bringing a bad spirit into your home, and how hard you work to make sure there is a good spirit there (it's like good housekeeping). And then find a way that both of you can agree on to help him remember to do better so you can avoid more fights. Fighting rarely gets you anywhere, but you have to be heard.

Just my thoughts.

[georgia2]

The most important work you will ever do is in the walls of your own home.
Since both of you are newer members you are growing at different rates. It might help if you lighten up a bit and give him a little room. Yeah the stuff you explained he does would be terribly hard to live with but...... people don't change over night. You are supposed to be his best friend. Maybe if you look at it in that frame, instead of your husband you might be a little less judgmental and with a more loving spirit.

I have had friends with similar situations and I know they were counseled to just be a good example. Instead of getting angry, let it go through one ear, out the other. Instead of praying he would soften his heart, pray for an understanding and loving heart. Pray for patience and inspiration and guidance how best to handle this.
Another thing that has been stressed repeatedly by the General Authorities is for couples to pray each night before bed together. Let him hear you lovingly pray for him as well as for all the others you pray for. Listen to his prayers. You may find answers in how to help him this way.

you didn't say anything about kids. That would be REALLY HARD !!!!! Good LUCK !

[jolee65]

My husband can show the same kind of disrespect about the gay community , I have my feelings but keep them to myself more then he and at times he gets so upset about the subject and usually its about the same subject the gay community , I at times just say I think you told me that already , LOL. I think its a more polite way of saying thats enough , I already know how you feel on that subject ive heard it before. At times he sees how redudant he is about it and stops talking and sometimes it just sets him off like hes not being understood thats when i say yeah I know I get I got it now we know and if hes less childish then my husband CAN be he'll get the message.

[candyprpl]

Just a update -- he did hear me when I read the quotes from our wonderful Church leaders and even mentioned it to our Home Teachers the last time they visited. I'm more than satisfied that he does hear me and thinks about what I'm saying.

Thanks all for your kindness and support.

[FunkyTown]

Originally Posted by candyprpl

Is it wrong for me to question my husband's worthiness to hold the priesthood? I'm hurting so much right now over my own thoughts. I don't ask him for blessings when I need them because I don't believe in his worthiness. How terrible is that!!!!!

He's always complaining about other people and their worthiness and it drives me crazy! The minute we get out of Church on Sundays he starts up with how, 'so and so did this or that', or so and so said...' If I try to say anything it just starts a fight -- so I remain quiet and fume while he rants. He's a truck driver and I hate it when he calls other drivers names like, jerk, idiot and a lot of times the B word.

The other night I couldn't hold my temper. We were watching the news and the subject of gay marriage, etc. came up and he said, "We should just get rid of those F (derogatory term for gay)." Now I know that he hasn't been a member for a long time and I try to give him some room when it comes to understanding the gospel, but.....he has been a member long enough and is in the Elder Quorum presidency as Second Counselor and should know by now that statements like that are appalling to say the least. I'm afraid I let him have it. "I said that they are our brothers and sisters and we should love them the same way we love each other." He replied, "They can't be members. They would be excomunicated if they were." I said, "They most certainly can and are members." He looked at me and said, "I hope not." I was shocked, I just look at him. I couldn't say anything more. He has shown bigotry in other forms as well.

It saddens me that he doesn't seem to grasp our Savior's teachings. I haven't been a member very long either but some things are very clear to me.

He gets very defensive when I bring up these concerns and we end up in a fight. Daily, almost hourly, I pray that his heart will be softened and that my words will not come out offensive.

What else can I do? How can I overcome my feelings/thoughts that he is unworthy? When I hear a sister say they are grateful for the priesthood in their home -- I get very sad because of my thoughts. I don't feel like I have the priesthood in my home.

Many times, I have heard members with similar ideology to your husbands. If all of them were unworthy to hold the priesthood, there would be entire swaths of land where the Priesthood didn't exist. You sound like someone who genuinely loves your fellow man. That speaks volumes of your patience and generosity of soul.

Personally, I'd recommend that you continue praying. Pray that you find the right words, that you can say things non-confrontationally, and that you can understand your husbands point of view. Here's what I'd suggest:

Ask your husband to pray about how you can help your neighbors with you. Say you think it would be a wonderful idea to be able to provide something for those who need help. Then, suggest that you volunteer at a gay and lesbian support group in your area. Or even attend a 'Friends and family of gays and lesbians' support group. Listen to their stories, do what you can to be loving and supportive.

If your husband has to serve someone, he can't hate them. Or he can choose not to serve someone and to be blatantly offensive, in which case he has actively made the choice not to follow scripture.