Problems at ward/EQ situation

[bjw]

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening excercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months. He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with. He calls my house at 9 or 10 at night and reads me long lists of names of HT routes, stuff that I couldn't possibly have any use for, since I get it all from the computer anyway. He changed the computer passcodes and won't give me the new ones on the phone, but wants to meet with me in person. He wants to have meetings at some of the weirdest times, like 8 am Sunday when church doesn't start until 12:30, and late on weeknights, in addition to holding weekly president visits on weeknights.

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

I definitely want to be released from the secretary calling. Frankly, I feel the masonic lodge can make better use of my time, since they do lots of community service and my research skills can be used for good in the research bodies, and I think that is a much more worthwhile useage of my time at this point. I just don't know how to go about it.

Should I flat out tell the EQ pres my problems with him and why I can no longer work with him? Should I go to the bishop or stake president and maybe explain how all my problems started from the beginning? My bishop shouted at my grandmother on the phone last week (a separate situation) and I've been trying to get an appointment with the stake pres to complain about it but the secretary won't answer me, and the bishop claimed he would apologize to my grandmother but weeks have gone by and he hasn't. I'm considering just going to the stake pres about all of it.

So, is there any advice? I would like to do this without losing my TR or getting repromanded, so any advice on the proper way to get released from the calling and letting them know how I feel would be appreciated.

[prospectmom]

requst in writing that you want to be released from your calling... Make an appointment with your Stake Pres and talk to him...

[tubaloth]

First bring up some of the concerns with the Elders Q Pres. Realizing you aren’t going to get him to change, but maybe you can come to a compromise. Tell him just that you want to meet him half way. (If you are will to).

Don’t bring up a lot of “this is how the old Pres did it” just explain that you don’t like phone calls at night. That you want to understand why you are having meetings at 8am. (It probably is because he has meetings after that, before church starts).

I would hope two men in the church can work out some of the problems. I realize not everybody is going to like or get a long with everybody in the church. But I think if the spirit is right, I think you can come to find a middle ground.

What I do expect to happen is
1. You try it out with some of these compromises.
2. He doesn’t like how demanding you are (But don’t come across that way) and he realized he needs a new secretary.


When you do get the chance to talk with the bishop. Mention some of the same things (assuming you have already talked with the Elders Q Pres.).

[Palerider]

I am surprised that you were not informed about being released. Keep in mind that when calling or releasing a Secretary for the Elders Quorum that calling does not go thru the same channel as the President and Councilors do. The calling of Secretary goes thru the Elders Quorum President.
If you are still having problems I think you need a sit down chat with new President and talk about whats bothering you instead of carrying it around.

[Dravin]

I need some advice on a situation I'm going through right now in my ward. I am currently the EQ secretary and teach once per month in the EQ meetings, as well as play piano for the priesthood opening excercises. We recently had a change in the EQ presidency and I wasn't even informed about it, I found out when the rest of the congregation did.

I've been in that situation (secretary when the EQ Presidency changed), its probably just a kink in communications. I could see both former and future EQ thinking the other would inform you and neither doing so.

Surprisingly, the guy they put in the place of the old EQ president is a lifelong member of the church that has only been in our ward for a couple months. He's very arrogant and is very hard to work with.

That might be why he's there. Either to change some of his traits or to help you learn patience... you haven't been praying for more patience lately have you?

I honestly feel that the bishop doesn't like me or my grandmother, that this new EQ pres is one of his friends, and that this ward is nothing but grown men in suits acting like children playing politics over volunteer service positions. I also feel I'm discriminated against in this church for being single, since singles never hold office in the church. The fact that I was not even considered as a counselor despite all the work I've done for this ward and the church in general was very telling IMHO.

I know you feel like its politics but it isn't nessicarily. I had a mission companion who was fretting over being a Zone Leader, he worked hard, he'd be good at it (I agreed with him) and it seems like others are getting 'promoted' who are less qualified. I'll repeat my advice:

People aren't nesscicarily called because they will be good at it, sometimes they are called because they will grow from it or they have a particular trait that the Lord needs there are the time even if they might generally be considered not good at it. You might be perfect but maybe others need the oportunity more, and maybe the Lord needs you to grow in other ways than that particular calling would spur.

Should I flat out tell the EQ pres my problems with him and why I can no longer work with him?

You should definitly talk to him about why you are having issues and see if you can resolve differences, nothing may actually come of up (it could though) but at least you'd have tried. Just going in and saying, "Your X, Y and Z and I can't stand working for you, I can't do it!" isn't a good idea though.

[Wingnut]

To start with, tell him that you prefer not to receive phone calls after 8:30pm (or whatever time). If he calls after that time, let him leave a message, and call him back during more appropriate hours.

Second, you don't know that you weren't considered to be a counselor. Just because you weren't called to be one doesn't mean that you weren't considered.

[bjw]

Thanks everyone that has responded so far. It really has given me the opportunity to think before doing anything rash. I think tomorrow sometime I'm going to try to talk to him.

One thing I don't understand is that he's wanting me to set up in-house visits with members in the quorum between 8 and 9 pm on weeknights, and he wants me and the two counselors to go with him. I don't understand the purpose of that and I know the last EQ pres never did this. It just seems strange and I can't help but think that some of the other EQ members may find it intrusive. I don't know, has anyone every heard of anything like this?

[pam]

Just from my perspective....meeting with members of the quorum between 8 and 9 p.m. on weeknights at their home is an intrusion on family. Many families are attempting to get kids into bed etc. That's too late for me to be having visits. Just my opinion. I know he said with quorum members...but it's still an intrusion upon the family that lives in the same home.

[pam]

One thing I wanted to add. You mentioned he has only been in the ward for a couple of months. Perhaps these visits are a way for him to get to know the Elders in the quorum.

[FunkyTown]

Pam raises a good point. Have you asked him his working situation? It could be that he is working until 7 PM and still wants to know the issues of everyone under his quorum.

I have had blustery members that aren't arrogant, but might rub people the wrong way. Sometimes, these people are just what a quorum needs. I think what you need to do is give your bishop the benefit of the doubt and assume the calling came from God, in which case this -could- be a chance for you AND him to develop yourselves. Of course, it might be an opportunity to learn problem solving skills as well - Learning to get along with someone you couldn't normally for the good of the quorum. Can you put aside your differences? Not gossip and complain to people in your ward(Including your Grandmother) and support the man in his position?