Need advice, may leave church

[its_Chet]

Originally Posted by bjw

I noticed something interesting tonight when I was going through my Patriarchal Blessing. One thing caught my attention and just suddenly hit me that I hadn't thought much about, and I'd like to share it with you guys to see what you think. There is one sentence that is kinda random and doesn't pertain to much of what is around it. It says "You will have an understanding of the various parts of the church, the diversity of operations." This comes oddly right after a sentence about believing in Jesus Christ and the Atonement.

I hadn't really given this much thought until now, but I'm wondering if this may have something to do with the situation I'm going through now, since this pertains a lot to my concern about how our church is operated. I wonder if this patriarch has said this to others or if this is common in patriarchal blessings. Either way, I think its pretty interesting. I suddenly had a strange feeling when I got to this sentence while reading the PB tonight. Any thoughts?

It's not in mine. Sounds like what you're going through right now is questions are being raised so that you can get the knowledge you've been promised. And I mean true knowledge, about how some of the seemingly "bad" things that have happened in Church History, when you dig deep enough, have an explanation that will allow you to retain your testimony. Kind of like when we learn that at least some of the plural marriages performed in the 1830s and 1840s were platonic and strictly for Celestially dynastic purposes. I've found that there's always an explanation behind everything.

Sounds to me like the reason this is all happening is to refine your testimony, to try it by fire. You're suffering life's disappointments, you're being harshly treated by members of the Church in leadership positions, and you're being tempted to give credence to the miscalculations, lies, and misunderstandings of the critics of the Church. I'd hate to have to deal with all of that at the same time, and I'm sure you deserve consideration for it, in spite of the incorrectness of such criticisms.

But I'm thinking that if you can remember how it feels to have the Gift of the Holy Spirit, and all the other blessings that the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings you, and to know that it's because you're a member of the true Church of Jesus Christ, which was restored through the instrumentality of Joseph Smith Jr. (thereby marking him and all his successors as true Prophets of God), then when the trials come, you'll have faith strong enough to endure. So it may hurt if your EQ President is unsympathetic and uncaring, or if your Bishop and Stake Pres don't seem to have the patience to help you out of this situation instead of reinforcing the negative ideas you're having about the Church, at least you can remember that the Gospel is true, and your relationship with God will not suffer.

In the final words of David W. Patten, "Whatever you do else, Oh do not deny the faith."

Also, I'm thinking that your Patriarchal Blessing is giving you notice that perhaps you may in the future be called to serve in a leadership position. I know it doesn't come right out and say that, but I infer the distinct possibility. Anyhow, given your experiences with your EQ Pres and others, you'd be well trained on how to succor the needs of those you serve, having seen how NOT to do it. You'll have a keen understanding how it feels when someone in a leadership position doesn't have sufficient empathy for others. You'll also learn how to help people who are losing their testimony, because you'll have passed through that fire and come out in one piece. You'll know how to answer the questions, how to reinforce the weakened faith. But most important, you'll know how to do it with genuine kindness and love, because you'll know what needs to be done and how it feels when it's not done that way.

I know this may sound unreasonable, or like I'm simplifying something that is actually very difficult, but I strongly encourage you to avoid being critical of those that have been called to serve in leadership positions. I don't know if you've been through the Temple yet or not, but we are taught in the Temple that "speaking evil of the Lord's anointed" is very serious business and something we really want to avoid doing. That's not to say that imperfect people don't get called as Bishops, Stake Presidents, etc. I've heard lots and lots of stories about such a thing. But if we allow the imperfect actions of an individual to represent, for us, the entire Church and the Gospel that only it teaches, then we stand in danger of cutting the threads that link us to God, as well as anyone else to whom we might confide our doubts. This has very harmful consequences for us in the next world.

I can't claim to know how it feels to have an insensitive or errant Bishop or Stake President, but I hope if I did, I could continue to feel as I do now. And the way I feel is that I am unwilling to let the flaws of another person cause me to harm myself. I will not start flirting with women at work if my wife hurts my feelings, for example. That would only be punishing me for what she did to me. If revenge is that important to me, why would I inflict the damage upon myself? That's what I would effectively be doing in such a situation, despite the illusion of temporary comfort. Never hurt yourself. Never harm your own testimony. Stay as far as you can from the writings of those who are critical of the Church. They are all either unfamiliar with what they claim to understand, or partly so, or they do understand and they're lying. They're all misled, and regardless of their intentions, are misleading others.

Sounds like you've got reserves of spiritual strength. Build on that, friend. Build your testimony with the help of the Holy Spirit. Seek after peace and confidence, and any other manifestations of the Holy Spirit that you have encountered in your life when things were going right and made sense. Avoid anything, no matter how harmless it may appear (like, for the time being, the official History of the Church), if it brings you doubt, depression, anxiety, nervousness, creepiness, emptiness, fear, or anger. The Holy Spirit will lead you in the right way for you, which ultimately will be the “iron rod”, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as revealed to us through the Apostles, Prophets, and Presidents of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The Savior has your back. Rise and endure. Be strong. You can do it.

[bjw]

Its_Chet:
Thanks for the great advice. That was a very good post and was just what I needed to hear right now. The past few nights I've been trying to make it a point to pray and read my scriptures, it helps me feel better. I hope what you're saying is right and that God has a way to use these experiences to better prepare me to help others, and have better experiences in the church.