Need advice, may leave church

[bjw]

I've had another situation come up at my ward, and the church in general, and wanted some advice. You guys really helped out last time. It seems that I'm having more problems at my ward with the EQ President and the church.

On Saturday I went to take the CSET Mathematics exam, its very hard and only has a 20% pass rate, and I had so much riding on passing it this time, since I had already paid a non-refundable $500 fee to take night classes starting in June while I intern as a high-school math teacher. Its going to really cost me since my salary would have tripled had I passed the exam, and I'm having a lot of financial trouble. Well, the EQ President called me right when I got back from the exam, and I know I failed it, and I was almost in tears while we talked. He asked me what was wrong and I explained to him the situation. He came across as being very insensitive and told me he wanted me to teach a lesson in Elder's Quorum the next day. I told him he reached me at a bad time and that I was having a lot of doubts about the church right now and needed to get things right in my life. He was persistent and said I was to do it anyway. I told him to find a substitute, maybe tell whoever was to do it next week and I would trade with him. He very rudely told me that it was my responsibility to find me a replacement, not his, and that I should get the ward directory and start calling people. I just said fine and hung up.

I was so angry after all the problems I've had with this guy already that I didn't even bother going to church today. 5 minutes before priesthood was to start I saw on my caller ID that he was calling me. I didn't even bother answering. I'm still very upset right now, and have been having a lot of doubts about the church as it is. I just found out a lot of things that have been causing me to have doubts about the truthfulness of this church, and this has been making me wonder if it wouldn't be better to just stay home. I can always read the Bible with my grandmother at home and worship Him on my own terms without mean people taking jabs at me all the time.

Even if this church turns its back on me, I know Jesus Christ will never turn his back on me. Even if the bad things I've been hearing about Joseph Smith or the early church are true, it still doesn't change Christ's love for me and I know no matter where I am I will still have Him.

I'm wondering, what will they probably do since I didn't show up to teach the EQ lesson? I am definitely going to ask to be released from all callings and excused from 3rd hour, but I'm not sure if they will try some sort of formal disciplinary proceedings or take my temple recommend.

The way the EQ President and the bishop have treated me and my grandmother, especially after the bishop yelled at my grandmother on the phone, I know these local leaders definitely do not emulate Jesus Christ. I know God will not hold it against me if they decide to ask me to leave the church. Right now I'm taking time off from it to do some soul searching, and to do more research on the church. I'm going to spend some time in prayer as well. I thought about quitting on my own, but I don't want to do anything in haste that I might regret later. I really want the church to be true, and I wish I could get along better with the people in my ward, but nothing I try seems to work. So, any advice you guys might have I would really appreciate it.

[the Ogre]

If what you are saying is accurate, I'd say you have nothing to fear regarding your recommend or church standing.

Regarding the rest: I have always had trouble with people at church (most of the time, people in the Relief Society). Ignore them. I am sorry about the bishop yelling at your grandmother. That is unfortunate and pretty sad.

Be patient with your doubts and go straight to G-d about them and trust H-m that you will learn the truth. Taking rash action is the biggest problem, don't do anything without prayer.

Good luck with everything and sorry about that test. I know a few people who have failed it. They were very bummed as well.

[skippy740]

bjw,

I'm sensing a disconnect within your post and I hope you can help me understand.

First, I understand and would feel the same way you do if I got a phone call like that from my EQ president.

Here's your other thread on a related matter for others to reference when posting:
Problems at ward/EQ situation

I don't understand why you think there would be any disciplinary proceeding or take your temple recommend when those things only occur with worthiness issues. Not teaching an EQ lesson doesn't count as a "worthiness" issue.

Please distinquish between the "Church" (the entire church) and your local "Ward/Branch" in your writing. There is a BIG difference and will help you clarify your situation even better in your own mind.

Forgetting the people in your ward/branch, what are you having doubts about?

BTW, there's a difference between "leaving" and just "taking a break". I would suggest that you just take a break from your ward/branch and attend another service within the stake. A change of people and scenery can make a world of difference.

I've done this many times myself. I've taken breaks while I try to just maintain my sanity. I treasure the gospel and I'll never LEAVE the Church. But sometimes, it just makes sense to let people know that you need a break - and you do that by not going for a while.

You can attend your ward for sacrament only, or another ward for sacrament only. But everything else, you just don't need the DRAMA right now.

[Soul_Searcher]

Taking a break from the ward is a good idea. I have had similar doubts about the church. Being in ward you are having difficulty with only magnifies and compounds these dounts. Attending a different ward for a while will help you to see things more clearly in the light of day. If things continue, have you considered bringing your concerns to a member of the high council or stake presidency? Or even changing wards?

[Gwen]

not sure how much i can help with most of your issues but let me put your mind at ease about not showing up for the lesson. if not showing up when you were asked to give a lesson or speak in sacrament meeting without telling anyone was serious enough for disciplinary action we'd have no one in our branch. we've been stood up to many times to count. one thing i've learned being in a branch is that every member is responsible for the class, to participate and possibly teach. on any given sunday we should be prepared enough before the class to teach on less than 5 min notice. especially if you were the pres of something.

all that being said, if i understand what you are saying correctly, you were not obligated to teach or to find a replacement. you never agreed to teach. as a leader you can't call and say "will you ...." and when they say no pass the responsibility on to them to take care of it. you said no, he was the one neglecting his responsibility, not you.

[pam]

There is a quote I just posted in another forum that seemed pretty applicable to me.

“We learn to endure to the end by learning to finish our current responsibilities, and we simply continue doing it all of our lives. We cannot expect to learn endurance in our later years if we have developed the habit of quitting when things get difficult now.”

Robert D. Hales, Ensign, May 1998, 75

[Misshalfway]

There will always be insensitive people. There will always be EQ Presidents who step on toes while they do their jobs or bishops who don't have a clue or VTers who fail in hundreds of different ways. And that person just might be you sometimes.

Look --- people are people and that means that all of us, you and me and everyone, will blow it at one time or another. This is all part of the earth life deal! The test is to see if we will rise above. That means we get to rub shoulders with all of these imperfect souls and we learn to forgive and to receive insensitivity or rudeness with patience and long suffering.

So when people say to ignore.....that isn't bad advise. But I think what really helps is to lift yourself to a more loving way. When one is filled with love, and I mean love for self and all men, being hurt or offended or disturbed just doesn't happen as easily.

So Dude, don't let others and their weakness change your course to Christ. If you have issues, you must do what the rest of us have to do. You gotta study and ponder and pray. You gotta exercise your faith and make sure your obedience is in line so that the promises of heavenly answers will come to you. If you are struggling with your faith, see it as an opportunity for growth. If the church isn't true, God will tell you.

The truthfulness of this church has never and will never be grounded in the perfectness of its members. The history is flawed. The people who participated in the restoration are flawed too. If you are looking for perfection, then you will be disappointed. You won't find it with the Israelites or with Moses. You won't even find it with Peter and the first group of 12. Don't be surprised when you don't find it in Palmyra.

[Apostate]

I'm curious here, having read both of your posts concerning your EQP, are you interested in working something out amicably? or simply looking for an exit strategy??

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by bjw

I've had another situation come up at my ward, and the church in general, and wanted some advice. You guys really helped out last time. It seems that I'm having more problems at my ward with the EQ President and the church.

On Saturday I went to take the CSET Mathematics exam, its very hard and only has a 20% pass rate, and I had so much riding on passing it this time, since I had already paid a non-refundable $500 fee to take night classes starting in June while I intern as a high-school math teacher. Its going to really cost me since my salary would have tripled had I passed the exam, and I'm having a lot of financial trouble. Well, the EQ President called me right when I got back from the exam, and I know I failed it, and I was almost in tears while we talked. He asked me what was wrong and I explained to him the situation. He came across as being very insensitive and told me he wanted me to teach a lesson in Elder's Quorum the next day. I told him he reached me at a bad time and that I was having a lot of doubts about the church right now and needed to get things right in my life. He was persistent and said I was to do it anyway. I told him to find a substitute, maybe tell whoever was to do it next week and I would trade with him. He very rudely told me that it was my responsibility to find me a replacement, not his, and that I should get the ward directory and start calling people. I just said fine and hung up.

I was so angry after all the problems I've had with this guy already that I didn't even bother going to church today. 5 minutes before priesthood was to start I saw on my caller ID that he was calling me. I didn't even bother answering. I'm still very upset right now, and have been having a lot of doubts about the church as it is. I just found out a lot of things that have been causing me to have doubts about the truthfulness of this church, and this has been making me wonder if it wouldn't be better to just stay home. I can always read the Bible with my grandmother at home and worship Him on my own terms without mean people taking jabs at me all the time.

Even if this church turns its back on me, I know Jesus Christ will never turn his back on me. Even if the bad things I've been hearing about Joseph Smith or the early church are true, it still doesn't change Christ's love for me and I know no matter where I am I will still have Him.

I'm wondering, what will they probably do since I didn't show up to teach the EQ lesson? I am definitely going to ask to be released from all callings and excused from 3rd hour, but I'm not sure if they will try some sort of formal disciplinary proceedings or take my temple recommend.

The way the EQ President and the bishop have treated me and my grandmother, especially after the bishop yelled at my grandmother on the phone, I know these local leaders definitely do not emulate Jesus Christ. I know God will not hold it against me if they decide to ask me to leave the church. Right now I'm taking time off from it to do some soul searching, and to do more research on the church. I'm going to spend some time in prayer as well. I thought about quitting on my own, but I don't want to do anything in haste that I might regret later. I really want the church to be true, and I wish I could get along better with the people in my ward, but nothing I try seems to work. So, any advice you guys might have I would really appreciate it.

Your testimony is not about the Elders Quorum President or others in the church; it is about GOD and the Savior. Next to that, it is about Joseph Smith being called of GOD and holding that key to our dispensation. It is about the Gospel of Christ and the Atonement that was given to us as to aid us in returning home. It is about going through those trials of fire.

Let me offer this to you, do you not think that Christ suffered greatly by the hands of his members or by those of the world? You find the same familiar pattern with the life of Joseph Smith who suffered under the same persecution of his fellow members. Even I have more enemies in the church who declared them to be Saints than the world. The pattern remains the same my friend. This is a norm for those who wish to follow the Savior.

When ever someone calls you to give a talk, a calling, or to do something that may contradict the Spirit, simply to tell them you need a confirmation from the Lord. I had at times told a Bishopric member, no. It is not hard to say it.

Your worship is going to church and to attend your meetings no matter the persecution received. I promise you, if you are right in your venting, this man will be replace.

[AnnieO]

Hi I don't often post here in the forums so excuse me please if I'm doing this wrong
:-S

I've had a similar situation very recently with my local bishopric - the best advice I've ever had is that old chestnut of 'just do it'. The adversary will get in your head and making you doubt you should go to your ward right up and perhaps even right through your Sunday meetings. But you have to be stronger than that. Just remember that Heavenly Father is just a prayer away and that He'll be watching you as you attend your meetings.

Remember too that attendance at our meetings isn't really an option but a commandment. I even looked into going to another church entirely when I was in this dilemma with my local leaders, it'd have been fairly easy as a convert I could've just gone back to the church I was in before I joined Church. I wasn't questioning the Book of Mormon or really any LDS doctrine, simply I couldn't hack the way I was being treated by the leadership.

But you know what? I put my trust in Heavenly Father and went. Even when I was thinking of driving straight past and going home again, even when I wanted to split during sacrament meeting, I kept thinking about why I was there. Remember, you don't go for the people - you go for you and God. No one else. I know that's hard, but sometimes Satan will make us blow things out of all proportion.

For what it's worth I think your EQ pres was trying to be helpful, he's probably exceedingly concerned by the sentiments you've expressed; I think he probably felt that if you did a lesson then you'd have a 'spiritual moment'. There is a seminary song I think that talks about reaching towards heaven and heaven reaches back. I think that's what your EQ was probably trying to force in perhaps a misdirected way. :-S

I hope your test was better than you thought it was; and I sincerely hope you don't give up on either your exams or the Church just because of a few crummy people =D