Wife not attending baptism

[mlbrowninwa]

Hi all. I am finally getting baptized on June the 20th after basically about five years of investigating the church. My wife as some of you may know has never attended any discussions or meetings and does not feel the same way as I and doesn't want to be a part of "church". Last night I asked her if she would like to attend my baptism. She said she didn't think she could and that she thought I was moving too fast. I didn't think five years was too fast myself but listened to her thoughts. I didn't realize how organized church turns her off. She told me that she was against any organized church, not just the Latter Day Saints. We've been married 17 years and i didn't realize how against "church" she really was.

After hearing what she said I could do nothing but feel sorrow. She said that it freaks her out to hear me talk about the Holy Ghost or when I bring up Bible verses etc. She has gone to church in other denominations at times, but most of the time would find a reason not to go. She says religion is between the person and God and organized churches are not needed. I differ in that opinion, but respect hers. I still plan on joining the church and hope in the back of my mind that someday she will come around, but after this discussion i have many doubts about that. At least she was more open to joining social gatherings with me. I don't know, any advise on how to break through this wall she has? Or is it better just to continue as i am now and hope she comes around. My bishop said that he would like to meet her and hoped she would attend the baptism. He said the spirit is so strong at them it might help her. However, he is aware of the situation and not in any way pushing her. I have to really give it to him, other members, and the missionaries. They all know her feelings and have respected them and still made my son and I feel really welcome.

[pam]

Congratulations on your upcoming baptism. Is your son getting baptized as well?

All I can advise is not to push and hopefully things will turn around. Been there done that. Hopefully she will also respect the decision you have made. Sounds like you respect her decision right now as well.

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by mlbrowninwa

Hi all. I am finally getting baptized on June the 20th after basically about five years of investigating the church. My wife as some of you may know has never attended any discussions or meetings and does not feel the same way as I and doesn't want to be a part of "church". Last night I asked her if she would like to attend my baptism. She said she didn't think she could and that she thought I was moving too fast. I didn't think five years was too fast myself but listened to her thoughts. I didn't realize how organized church turns her off. She told me that she was against any organized church, not just the Latter Day Saints. We've been married 17 years and i didn't realize how against "church" she really was.

After hearing what she said I could do nothing but feel sorrow. She said that it freaks her out to hear me talk about the Holy Ghost or when I bring up Bible verses etc. She has gone to church in other denominations at times, but most of the time would find a reason not to go. She says religion is between the person and God and organized churches are not needed. I differ in that opinion, but respect hers. I still plan on joining the church and hope in the back of my mind that someday she will come around, but after this discussion i have many doubts about that. At least she was more open to joining social gatherings with me. I don't know, any advise on how to break through this wall she has? Or is it better just to continue as i am now and hope she comes around. My bishop said that he would like to meet her and hoped she would attend the baptism. He said the spirit is so strong at them it might help her. However, he is aware of the situation and not in any way pushing her. I have to really give it to him, other members, and the missionaries. They all know her feelings and have respected them and still made my son and I feel really welcome.

Do what the Spirit tells you to do and follow its admonition. In the end, she will see the results of the born-again change in your own life.

[mlbrowninwa]

Thanks for the replies. Pam, as far as my son goes he is not getting baptized at this time. He still has some meetings to go and I am leaving it to him to decide if he wants to do that. When I started going to church again i promised the rest of my family that i would not push them to join me. My son is 14 and my daughter is 17. I felt like if i wanted to "steer" them in a direction i should have done that many moons ago. However, my son started joining me after about a week. He told my wife last night before our talk how comfortable he is at the church and that he really enjoys going. But like i said, i'm leaving it to him to decide.

[pam]

All you can do is be the best example to the rest of your family that you can be. The rest is up to them.

[Maureen]

I thought the LDS church would not baptize a person if their spouse did not give their blessing.

[Hemidakota]

Under the age 18-years old does not require a parent is the only case. Spouse is not an issue for baptism unless you are a practicing Muslim.

[pam]

I have heard though that a spouse' approval for endowments is required. Is that true?

[foreverafter]

The best way to help her realize that you have joined the True Church is to demonstrate the True Love of Christ for her in your marriage. If a woman sees that a Church teaches her husband to love her with a True Love & serve her every wish & put her happiness, needs & desires 1st in his life everyday above anything else, even his own desires & needs, than that woman will eventually come around & trust that he has really found something good.

Tell her that this new Church is more than anything only helping you be a better husband & father & that it teaches you to give your life to serve her & to listen to & follow her counsel & desires each & every day. (unless she asks you to do something unrighteous). Tell her that you love her so much you want to make your marriage & family eternal & then live so she will want to be with you forever too. Any woman would eventually gain faith & trust in such a Church that teaches that to her husband. Many if not most people would or do pay 1000's of dollars to take their spouse to a therapist who will teach them just that.

Never let Church callings come before her needs & desires, so she doesn't come to resent the Church & the time it takes away from her. Always get her consent for your callings & doings with the Church & paying of tithes & offerings, etc. All decisions, activities, friendships, jobs, etc. etc. in marriage must have the consent of both. Maintaining your marriage is the most important thing, much more important than going to Church even if you have to make that choice. Personal Prayer & Scripture study are the only things that should come before your wife's happiness & desires. Don't ever let the Church come between you & your wife & cause discord in your marriage. Church leaders have said over & over that Marriages & Families take precidence over the Church. The Church was instituted to help keep families together, not the other way around.

Often one spouse finds the Gospel before the other or one spouse has a much stronger testimony even if both are members. You are fortunate that your wife at least gave her consent for you to be baptized. Now you can show her what the Gospel is all about by loving & serving her even better.

[Maureen]

The online version of the CHI that I have read says:

This is from the 1999 CHI.