Any advice right now is needed...

[danni]

Things are a whole lot worse, and I have no idea what to do. I have never felt more alone. (We have been in this new city for about 6 mths so haven't really built up any good friendships yet... and am a looong way from my old friends, whom I've pretty much lost contact with)

I started a thread before on a few problems that were going on at the time (last week). My husband went away for the weekend, his band was playing up north and he got back yesterday. Really tired - as they don't get a lot of sleep. But since he got back he was really distant. I had made sure the house was super clean, got the kids bathed, dinner ready etc. We hardly talked (not for my lack of trying).

Finally went to bed and he broke down... literally cried (and if you knew my husband, he never cries - so you can imagine my shock). He said that there's something going on inside him, he doesn't know what it is, he doesn't understand it himself. When he was up there with the band, he felt "free" - he said he wasn't talking bout me, our marriage, kids or anything... he said he can't explain it but it was a feeling inside. He told me that for a couple of months he's been feeling like this - at first he thought it was some phase he was going through... but he said it feels like it's bigger than he is - almost like an illness. He said it's not about anything in our lives - he's happy with everything, music etc... all that we do... but yeah... he can't explain it. But he feels like he's going to explode. He said that he would love to just go away for a while on his own... travel up the coast and think and ponder on it... but then he feels selfish for feeling like that cos he knows I need time out too. He said it could be mid-life crisis... but he's only 37... and I dunno! After all that, I just comforted him and tried to listen and not say too much...

This morning, he's been even more distant... and now he's told me that what he's going through is only going to spill over onto me... and that he wants to leave. Not forever... but for a while.

I'm like WHAT? What gives HIM the right to up and leave?!! I'm just as tired... I haven't had a break in the past 5 years either!!! (actually 6 for me if you include being pregnant!)... I don't know what to do... I have no-one to talk to (I would NEVER tell my family this anyway.. they are way too judgemental!), so this is my only choice... to write on a forum and get advice from people I don't even know.... I feel so lame.

And yeah I know I should be thinking bout him, and being there for him - and I try. I do. But man... I have poured soooo much into this marriage, him, his music... and I feel like I get very little back.... I feel so empty inside... so lonely. Sorry for the long post.

[qedd]

First and foremost, and in case there is any question in your mind: You need not feel alone. You are loved by the greatest of all far more than anyone in any social circle you may associate with in this life. Just remember, you are loved.

Have you met with your bishop? You may not have had much time to build deep personal friendships where you live yet, but your bishop is there for you. I am sure that he would like to visit with both you and your husband -- individually or together. Sometimes a mediating third party can help.

[skippy740]

Since qedd said "first", I'll say "second".

Secondly... he has been completely honest with you on his feelings. He COULD'VE said something about a "business trip" he'd have to take or whatever. Based on your post, it doesn't sound like someone who would be having an affair. (He wouldn't cry unless he was caught.)

If you have the funds, why don't you both take a break "up the coast"? Get some friends to watch the kids for a while. A change of scenery does WONDERS for the soul. Make it a nice long getaway together (a few days).

Talk to the Relief Society President for help to get someone to watch your kids for that time and just get away.

Just my thoughts. He seems that he's a commitment-type of person, but just wants a break. Who doesn't from time to time? Just make it a more "romantic" get-a-way and a chance for you both to get some fresh air.