Divorce, depression, and the P word

[Charlyc]

Originally Posted by high5

I have this creeping feeling that there is a black mark next to my name in the records of the church. I also fear that this will travel with me where ever I go. When men view pornography that is heterosexual in nature do they get the same black mark by their name stating 'Can not work with kids'?

Anyway I have not asked anyone about this because it is embarrassing to me. Do not doubt me in my explanation of this situation because my kids have said that other kids in the ward have said that they are not allowed to play at our house. The list goes on and on.
Help

Technically no; unless there's a disciplinary council held your records aren't marked that way. But what does happen is that the previous Bishop marks it to ask the new bishop to contact him, MLS has a simple way to do this, and then a report is given to the new bishop usually over the phone. Obviously if these reactions occured then the previous bishop told the new one that you are a 'problem' towards children etc, ie he grouped you with pedophiles when it was only a minor SSA issue.

The only way to escape this is to change wards, preferably stake too, without telling this bishop and then request the records quietly without telling the old ward at all so that the record isn't marked 'contact previous bishop'. Hopefully as new bishops come along this will disappear but it isn't easy to do in this day and age with all the attention given to child protection matters.

Some more info for you is available at https://tech.lds.org/wiki/index.php/Main_Page

[Charlyc]

Originally Posted by ryanh

I was told by my Stake Pres that they can't serve "without the approval of the first presidency".

Politically correct answer. Fact is the first presidency calls all bishops worldwide but they have repeatedly told us that they wont approve formally divorced men anymore as bishops -anymore since about 2002 odd.

[beefche]

Originally Posted by Charlyc

Banquo,



True; unless you're looking for help for this addiction, don't say anything. But don't ask for a temple recommend until you overcome this problem.

The real problem though is with the divorce. Contrary to women, men who have divorced can't be Bishops, Stake presidents or counselors, patriarchs, CES directors or full time teachers or, for five years after the divorce, serve as temple workers. Once you realize this its like a kick in the guts. I've seen several men go inactive for a while once they understand this "church leadership policy". Oh, I say contrary to women because a divorced woman can marry and see her husband serve as Bishop or church president (as with HW Hunter) but a man, well the divorced are second class priesthood holders in the todays' church.

I'm not sure of the accuracy of your report that divorced men can't serve in leadership positions. I know that there is some truth to that, but I think using absolutes is a dangerous idea.

Further, any man who wishes to become a bishop or stake president needs to check his ego at the door. We don't aspire to any positions and those positions are difficult and draining. Yes, we serve when asked but to think that one would lose their faith because they weren't called needs to check what they have faith in.

[Charlyc]

Originally Posted by beefche

I'm not sure of the accuracy of your report that divorced men can't serve in leadership positions. I know that there is some truth to that, but I think using absolutes is a dangerous idea.

Further, any man who wishes to become a bishop or stake president needs to check his ego at the door. We don't aspire to any positions and those positions are difficult and draining. Yes, we serve when asked but to think that one would lose their faith because they weren't called needs to check what they have faith in.

Same argument could've been used against blacks and the priesthood ban in the 60's

most experienced stake presidencies members would know this but I see its not quite accepted by members as the last two comments show. the faith problems I think these men face is due to the situation more than an ego problem. They were told by their ex that they aren't wanted and after this the church tells them that they aren't good enough for those big callings precisely because their ex doesn't want them. A no win situation. At least the men I know about and have counseled over the years.

[Charlyc]

high5,

this training video may also help you: Updating Membership Records

[missingsomething]

1) I would talk to the bishop
2) I would ask for counseling thru the church -everyone must grieve but after 2 years you need to start moving past it and you may need help to do this.
3) Remember one thing... no matter how righteously you lived - God will not impose his will on others so he cant make people do things or not do things... doesnt mean he isnt there and isnt watching out for you - regardless of what some people on these forums believe.... you need to pray to Him and talk to him and he will answer you.
4) If you need a friend...many are here to help..
5) oh yea... check out the 12 step program
and 6.... good luck friend.