Are....you....kidding me?

RachelleDrew · #1 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 09:29 AM

After all the nonsense I dealt with in my marriage, after taking my husband back and forgiving him for his many infidelities. I thought things were getting better.

Not.

Just found out he's been having yet ANOTHER affair at work over the last few weeks. One of the other teachers.

I'm seriously at a loss.

Not really advice, just needed to shout for a bit.

pam · #2 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 09:31 AM

I've learned over the years..they do it once..more than likely they will do it again.

RachelleDrew · #3 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 09:37 AM

Yeah, but four times in sixth months? Is that really necessary?

Jenamarie · #4 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 09:56 AM

I think he's shown you where his heart lies, and it's not with you.

I'm so so sorry you're being treated this way. It's not right, and you have every right to shout about it!

FunkyTown · #5 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 10:01 AM

Have you considered that, perhaps, your husband is using the idea of affairs as a weapon against you?

It's possible he isn't committing adultery at all and he's merely telling you these things to pick a fight or make you leave him.

Or he's deeply damaged and uses this as a means to get an emotional response from you. Honestly? If he were having affairs and managed to find a woman every month and a half for 6 months to cheat with and he told you about all of them, I'd be suspicious.

Most women won't date married men.

ryanh · #6 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 10:20 AM

Oh No! Rachelle, I'm so sorry to hear that! I just can't imagine.

You deserve so much better than to be treated like this. You have been amazing in your willingness to forgive and move on. As has been said in other posts, you are an amazing person (even if you won't admit it). But, there comes a time when we our strengths can become a weakness too, and from my perspective, you can't let yourself be trampled upon like this any more.

You have every right to shout and be very angry about this. Is there anything we can do to help?

Loudmouth_Mormon · #7 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 10:39 AM

So Rachelle, are you ready to take my wife's advice she gave you back in May?

I mean, it's like you're stuck on this never-ending roller-coaster of HeCheatedI'mMad/HeCameCrawlingBackIForgiveHim/HeCheatedAgain. Please consider - your child is watching this go by, and forming permanent opinions about what behavior he should expect his future wife to tolerate.

I disagree with ryanh - women who put a stop to the cycle are the women who deserve better. If you keep yourself in your cycle, you are basically telling the world and everyone in it that you deserve this. From where I'm standing, you're not forgiving and moving on, you're forgiving and remaining a door-mat.

LM

sanguine · #8 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 11:05 AM

You deserve better. ...but do you actually believe that?

Sounds like your hitting your head against a brick wall, saying ouch, doing it again and expecting a different result.

Shout, scream, stamp your feet, have a good cry, you more than deserve too, BUT (a big but) what are you going to do about it?
How are you going to change the situation?
What support network/family do you have to help you, as you get out of this relationship?
Document EVERYTHING, have evidence, you may well need it, in the coming months.
Protect yourself, please, make sure financially you are not taken to the cleaners, ie accounts emptied by husband etc.
Put your house in order and be pro active, you will heal in time, it will get better.

Wishing you strength and courage........and hope of a happy future.

bluedreams · #9 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 11:12 AM

Love, get rid of him. 4 times in 6 months is more than a little ridiculous it's:

-disrespectful
-immature
-selfish
-wrong
-unhealthy (emotionally)
-unhealthy (physically...for you)
-a strain that your kid shouldn't have in the home

And even if he is faking it as funkytown described that still make him
- a liar
-selfish
-immature
-emottionaly draining
-untrustworthy

You can't trust him. You spend most of your time angry at him. The rest of it probably choked in fears about your own inadequacies. He doesn't love you....might say that he does but he obviously doesn't understand the meaning thereof. You obviously feel attachment to him, but I think you need to look inward and ask, what type of attachment is this? Do I want him in my life because I want HIM, the whole package (disgusting tumor-like warts and all), or because I want the idea of him (ie. a husband and not alone). Am I attached to an idea and fantasy or to the reality that exists? I do not know many women who fantasize about having a man who's never faithful and leaves them emotionally wrecked, so I really doubt its the reality of the man that you love. And this is him, truly.

Because that man has proved his character time and time again. He is what he is and he will not change when he knows that he can walk all over you. Get out, divorce him, and don't look back. Have the self respect to do so.

I know you weren't really in here for advice. But that's my 2 cents

With luv,
BD

will227457 · #10 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 11:12 AM

sorry this has happened to you but and I am suprised no has mentioned it yet, or maybe it has been in previous posts....you need to get a LAWYER....YESTERDAY!!!!!...so get a lawyer, change the locks and get a restraining order get him out of your life...it's time to be selfish and think about you and your children....

Time heals all but the damage you are doing to your children by stayin with a broken man will not be easy to overcome....