I need help!

[Just_A_Guy]

Originally Posted by Gwen

i disagree with calling 911 or involving the police if you can help it. sorry i just don't trust the "child protection" services. i do think he needs to leave, get help to deal with this, parenting classes, etc before he is allowed back. i think those things can be done without police involvement. unless he isn't really trying to work on the marriage like you say and resists what needs to be done. in which case i think you can still probably resolve it with a lawyer and a legal separation (get physical custody and child support). you do need to protect your children.

Gwen -

Depending on the state, though, she may be legally obligated to call CPS. In Utah, for example, anyone who even suspects child abuse must call CPS. Even I, as a lawyer, am subject to this requirement if I suspect my client is hurting his kids--the Utah abuse reporting statute trumps attorney-client privilege.

[will227457]

Abusive relationships often don't get better they get worse, by allowing your husband back in the home you are essentially saying to your children that his behavior is "ok" when you as a grandmother someday see your grandchild beign abused you will know were the behavior was learned....while I belive in preserving marriage when possible your childrens safety should come first, Visiting the branch president is a start but only that and should not be enough to allow him back in the home.

you posted your issue in a public forum, and this is an issue that many people feel strongly about, that I and others have suggested that you leave him until he gets help does not suprise me at all....

I would like to hear an update in 3 months ie. did he really get in a program? a weekend away will not change anything

all this said opnions are like.... well you know, ultimatly it's your life just remember youare responsible for the welfare of your children....

[Gwen]

Originally Posted by Just_A_Guy

Gwen -

Depending on the state, though, she may be legally obligated to call CPS. In Utah, for example, anyone who even suspects child abuse must call CPS. Even I, as a lawyer, am subject to this requirement if I suspect my client is hurting his kids--the Utah abuse reporting statute trumps attorney-client privilege.

then she needs to get a lawyer and find out the law and the consequences to her when she "acts" on it before doing anything. i've seen child protect systems do good things, i'm not saying they don't. i've also seen them kidnap ppl's kids, of course they won't call it that because it's done "within the law". i'm just saying if you can work this out between yourselves then you must do so. reporting it may be exactly the right thing to do. if in the end they are divorcing she doesn't want to have to send her kids for long periods of time to an abusive home without supervision. she may not be able to stop that if it's not reported. only a lawyer will really know where she stands. i would talk to one before involving government officials. resolve it between yourselves if you can.

i guess in the end my advise to the op is hope for the best, plan for the worst. talk to the lawyer, know where you stand and understand the worst case senario... in the meantime get counseling with the husband and hope it can be worked out for the best.

[Bini]

OP, you are upset from certain posts because they were responses you did not want to hear. But they have truth in them. I have been in your situation. My voice comes from experience and I stand by my previous comment.


will227457, great post and I entirely agree.

[leming6]

We are working with the church on putting things back together. The church saw no need in reporting this situation as abuse, this was an accidental event, and I trust the church and what it has to offer. I truly hope no one got the impression that this household is the typical abusive household, because that is not the case. Our branch president is fully involved in helping us preserve the family and marriage. The church does not believe that you can fix a family by having them seperated, if my husband and I were not together we couldn't work together. My opinion is that yes, there are circumstances that warrent a seperation and leaving and possible legal actions, but not all. Families are core to our society and through repentance and change, families can work as a better unit. It just takes work on all parts.

My husband is working hard on his anger. After a few sessions in talking with the bp, he has realized the scope of his actions on the family and on his covenants with the Lord. It is a repentance process we both need to work on and move forward.

[ryanh]

Originally Posted by will227457

Abusive relationships often don't get better they get worse

I'm so tired of hearing people throwing around that statement in judgmental ways anytime they hear of a person that has an anger issues. Might as well accuse every person who has problems, or sins in any way, that they will never repent or get better - only worse. Ugh.

Counseling and reading can be very helpful. Find out what might be the root causes of his anger. The way he was raised? Overly sensitive to being hurt? Need for control? Mental illness? Discovering the root drivers will go a long way in finding how to solve the problem.

You did good making him leave. Even a longer term separation may be helpful in providing enough of a wake up call if he doesn't get his act together on his own now. Don't be too afraid of separation as the death of a marriage. It doesn't have to be the first step to it's death, and in certain circumstances, can be a helpful step in moving forward.