Falling apart - Page 2

Moksha · #11 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 05:50 PM

What is bothering her so much about your Church membership?

pam · #12 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 05:53 PM

I think that is a big question to be answered.

ttribe · #13 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:00 PM

This may sound contrary to what you may be feeling, but you may need to put your marriage before the Church for a while until you can get some things worked out. This may require a discussion with your Bishop about callings, etc. If she understands your commitment to her, she may be more willing to hear why the Church is important to you. In the meantime, it seems she may be feeling a sense of abandonment...like you've "left" her for something else.

mlbrowninwa · #14 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moksha

What is bothering her so much about your Church membership?

You know that is a BIG question and I don't know the answer to that. I never can get her to really talk about it. Anytime we talk about it we just end up with her saying she is never converting. When she was young she went to church and watched her parents praise the gospel while being abusive and the church relationship was only on Sunday. I think that has something to do with it. She never was really interested in going to any church. However joining a lot of other churches carry no commitmant. There are no three hours services, home teaching(both in our home and me outside) and callings, etc. We are very hands on and involved.

However in the same talk, she is praising the positive influence the church is having on my son, talking about how that might be the one thing in his life that keeps him in the right path. My son could do a lot better in my opinion, but i think most 15 year olds are that way. But she views his membership as his decision and mine as I'm not the man she married. My argument has been that I'm trying to be a better man and the church helps me do that. But for some reason she can't figure that out. So I try to respect her feelings.

She has a very demanding job and puts in a lot of hours. I know that the project that she is working on has put more stress in her life than she has ever had in this job. I understand that. I try my best to schedule anything that I am doing with church during her work hours so it doesn't effect our time together, but that can't be done all the time. I have managed to have my home teachings outside of the house so she doesn't feel unconfortable.

But this has been going on for longer than I have been a member of the church. It just gives fuel to the fire I think. So I struggle with changing anything related to church as I'm not sure that's the real problem.

prisonchaplain · #15 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:16 PM

Just a thought here...and you may have already done this extensively...but allow her to share what's on her mind, without interruption. Avoid the temptation to explain/defend yourself, and just let her pour out her heart. Listen hard, and don't try to solve her feelings or the troubles she may raise. When she's really done, rather than promise to do better, or attempt some immediate fixes, just show her you heard what she had to say, that you take it seriously, and that your goal is her security, sense of wellbeing, and to restore the sense of love that bound you together. Father God, cover this family right now with your protection and blessings. Let your angels stand guard. Drive away all demonic influences that would try to tear this family apart. Perform the miracle of reconciliation. In Jesus' name, amen.

pam · #16 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:17 PM

Quote:

In the meantime, it seems she may be feeling a sense of abandonment...like you've "left" her for something else.

That's kind of what I was getting out in my original post on this thread.

mlbrowninwa · #17 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ttribe

This may sound contrary to what you may be feeling, but you may need to put your marriage before the Church for a while until you can get some things worked out.

No, actually i have thought about that and am considering it as a possibility.

ttribe · #18 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlbrowninwa

No, actually i have thought about that and am considering it as a possibility.

Honestly, I think it may be a good idea. The Church is not here to tear apart your marriage, and if there are struggles right now, your Bishop is likely to understand the need to be a little less "activity" for a while so you get some things smoothed over.

pam · #19 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:24 PM

But it's also important to sit down with the Bishop and let him know of these things.

Misshalfway · #20 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:24 PM

I think the church is in the business of saving marriages. I mean a person can't become a bishop without the consent of his wife. Marriages come first. I would think the teachings of the church would support efforts to put the needs of your wife first. I know of a part member situation and the member wife did not take out her endowments because of the wishes of her husband. She says she feels the confirmation of the spirit helping her and that it will all be taken care of.