Falling apart - Page 3

mlbrowninwa · #21 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pam

But it's also important to sit down with the Bishop and let him know of these things.

Yes I know and was planning on talking to him anyway when I get back next week from my trip. Like you said, he can offer some advice as well. Regardless if it's really church related or not, after what I heard the last couple days I would be talking with him.

pam · #22 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 06:28 PM

Hang in there my friend. You've got friends here that care about ya.

mlbrowninwa · #23 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 11:35 AM

I first want to thank everyone for all the helpful advice that has been posted to my thread. There's a saying that things are darkest before the dawn and last night in my mind things couldn't be more dark. I don't know if it was right or not, but as I stated in my first post I thought something was going on with someone else. I couldn't get that out of my head and thought I must know in order to move on and the fact that my wife said there was no one else didn't relieve my mind.

A few days ago I hacked her yahoo email account. She has been emailing someone she works with over the last couple months. That is were the questions came front and center in my mind. And even though she said there was nothing going on with anyone, I felt there was. Yesterday she sent him an email that I intercepted that could only come across as them having an affair. If I posted it, there is no one that would not come to the same conclusion that I did. So I confronted her with a copy of it last night. She insists there is nothing going on and over 17 years of marriage she has never lied to me or given my a reason not to trust her.

She told me that reading the email she sees that it came across totally the wrong way and she sees why I would be concerned. We had a long talk about everything last night and I have shredded the copies of it that I had to try to move on. She told me that she would end the personal side of the relationship and keep things just business. And if she could she would assign him to work with someone else, but at times that is not an option. They do not work together daily. We are in Portland, OR and he is in Atlanta, GA. So there are plenty of miles in between them most of the time.

She told me that he is my biggest supporter and he is one of the reasons that she is still here. So I am going to continue to try to move on, but that was a pretty big blow last night. Today I can't help but feel that I am being naive about it and it's a tough morning.

Misshalfway · #24 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 11:52 AM

Wow. It sounds like you have been through an emotional meat grinder!

I must say that I am impressed that you wife is being honest and responsible in cutting the relationship if it appears threatening to you. It appears she is sincere and has respect for you. It prolly will take a few days to process this conversation and feel the spirit correctly about it. I think it was good that you confronted the issue too. It was eating at you. Good for you.

mlbrowninwa · #25 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Misshalfway

It sounds like you have been through an emotional meat grinder!

That is so true!!

mlbrowninwa · #26 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 12:22 PM

Tomorrow I am flying back to Virginia to spend a week with my parents and will be seeing one of my best friends over the weekend. I hope that over that time the spirit will give myself and my wife some kind of guidance on how to move forward. Part of me doesn't want to go, but part of me says it's the best thing for both of us right now.

prisonchaplain · #27 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 12:50 PM

Whether there was an "emotional affair" going on or not, your wife seems to want to focus on your relationship. That's positive. Ultimately, you'll have to decide if you want to fight for her and the relationship. If so, all the previous advice stands. It may be harder to want to listen without interruption, and show her that you care more about protecting her and her wellbeing than anything, when you suspect she may have pined for another, but if you decide to fight this fight, do so unwaveringly. If you win her back, the future can only be better.

mlbrowninwa · #28 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 12:59 PM

For starters I have destroyed the email copies I had printed. I asked her to change her password and told her that I accepted her explanation and that I trusted her in her statement that she wanted to work on things. I know that this is going to be hard and that both of us are going to have to work on getting past a few things. All I can control really is what I do and pray that is enough. I have decided to move on and win her back and ultimately know that regardless of what has happened in the past, a lot of my actions drove her to where she is now.

prisonchaplain · #29 (**permalink**) 10-13-2009, 04:41 PM

For starters, ML, you have a host of us praying for your success, your victory, and that God's love that bound you two together (regardless of different faiths at this point) will prevail. If God be for you then his favor is on you. May his strength be sufficient until these blessings are revealed.

changed · #30 (**permalink**) 10-14-2009, 11:01 AM

Prayers for ya mlbrowninwa!

From last EQ/RS lesson:

Quote Elder Parley P Pratt: "I had loved before,. but I knew not why. But now I love-with a pureness-an intensity of elected, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul fro the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean... In short, I could now love with the spirit and with the understanding also. "

There are different levels of love... perhaps not taking one another for granted anymore could move you up a level?

I am a convert too, understand a bit of the fam tension... 12 years in, and parents/grandparents/etc. etc. are now not so upset with it. It takes time for people to get used to things. Good luck to you both!