What Do I Do Now?

[LostSheep]

It's been 2 years since I first decided I was never going to look at porn again. 2 since years since I decided I was going to be free from addiction. 2 years later, it's only worse. Should I just get rid of the internet? I'd hate to do that. Less that 1% of my computer is used for porn. What's the answer? Hide from it? Face it? Give into it? I'm so lost. The solution is so simple. Just STOP. But why can't I do it? I know I've posted this stupid post a million times. Same questions. And I know I'll get the same answers. Everything from "It's not that big of a deal" to "YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL". I spend more time thinking about NOT thinking about porn, than I think about porn. Trying to quitting becomes absolutly exhausting after just a few days, and then I mess up. I become emotionally drained. I hate the person I've become. I'm such a hypocrite. The 12 step program says that once you are an addict, you are ALWAYS an addict. But I don't want to always be labeled an addict. What can I do?

[ryanh]

You probably won't like my answer, but I do sincerely believe in it. Get treatment for the ADHD. It just may be you will be amazed at the amount of mental control you can have when treating the underlying condition.

[will227457]

better buy your self some of these: Coverall,Flame Retardant,Green,M - Heat and Flame Resistant Clothing - Protective Clothing - Safety : Grainger Industrial Supply

all joking aside...it's time to get some real help and yes you need to get rid of the internet...an alcoholic gets rid of all alcohol in his house you need to do the same...

best of luck to you....

[Alana]

Question for you. What 'tools' do you have to help you not look? When you have been able to resist before, how did you do it? When you don't look, do you focus on that, or do you focus on how much you do look?

What has worked and what hasn't?

[mdfxdb]

I've got to agree with will227547 on this one. You need to get rid of the internet. it's not essential, and obviouslly causes more grief than is necessary. I don't know you, except by what you have posted here, but if you find this "addiction" is interfearing with other parts of your life, then you will need professional help.

[Vort]

Originally Posted by LostSheep

It's been 2 years since I first decided I was never going to look at porn again. 2 since years since I decided I was going to be free from addiction. 2 years later, it's only worse. Should I just get rid of the internet? I'd hate to do that. Less that 1% of my computer is used for porn. What's the answer? Hide from it? Face it? Give into it? I'm so lost. The solution is so simple. Just STOP. But why can't I do it? I know I've posted this stupid post a million times. Same questions. And I know I'll get the same answers. Everything from "It's not that big of a deal" to "YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL". I spend more time thinking about NOT thinking about porn, than I think about porn. Trying to quitting becomes absolutly exhausting after just a few days, and then I mess up. I become emotionally drained. I hate the person I've become. I'm such a hypocrite. The 12 step program says that once you are an addict, you are ALWAYS an addict. But I don't want to always be labeled an addict. What can I do?

I have a friend who works as a counselor and who is finishing up a PhD in psychotherapy. (I think -- he's finishing up his PhD in some psychology-related area.) I don't particularly trust psychology or psychologists, but I do trust my friend. He says that pornography viewing among LDS men is a coping mechanism, a way to try to establish order and control. Not exactly sure how that is so, but he says he has had success in treating LDS men for pornography addiction. I don't know what his treatment method is (I can ask him if you like), but it likely involves going to an LDS psychotherapist, which may or may not be paid for by insurance.

Anyway, what I found insightful was that he said pornography addiction has little or nothing to do with sex per se and everything to do with endorphins. It's the endorphin release in your brain that you crave, not the shameful pictures of women prostituting themselves.

Sorry if this isn't a lot of help. I see a huge need for help in this area, and my heart goes out to you and other men struggling with this, but as I'm not a counselor or a psychologist, I don't have any first-hand advice to offer. Remember that your addiction does not destroy your intrinsic worth. But how do you conquer an addiction? It seems reasonable to me that a man could "kick the habit" alone, but thousands of testimonials suggest that this is a most unlikely scenario. (My aforementioned friend says "never", but I'm not sure I believe him. But he does seem to know what he's talking about.)

What else provides an endorphin release? Maybe a picture of the Savior, or a short family video? Could you possibly discipline yourself to look at one of these every time you get the "itch"? If you did that for several weeks, I wonder if your craving for porn would diminish. I know that singing or thinking of hymns and other Church songs can often help me control ugly or unpleasant thoughts that I might have. Maybe a similar principle applies here.

But I'm just thinking out loud. Don't follow my ideas as if they have any authority, because they do not. But if you've run out of other ideas, maybe they could be of some help. Anyway, good luck to you, and God bless you in your efforts to become clean.

P.S. I know I'm a latecomer to this whole discussion, but have you talked with your bishop? You should certainly be working with him on this issue, especially if you're not seeing a counselor or someone else. He could be someone you could report to with weekly or even daily updates.

[MaMeeshkaMow]

Have a picture of Jesus Christ as a screensaver, put your computer outside of your house like on a deck and use it outside (no way you would do porn stuff in the open, having it in the living room is not enough). If it gets stolen, its not in your life anymore. I would say don't sing hymns because next time that song is played in church, the original bad thoughts might come again. Take cold showers. Call your mother if the urge is high. When the computer is on, turn on I-tunes with the scriptures being read in the background, crank up the scripts man! Just thinking outloud.

[ryanh]

Originally Posted by Vort

Anyway, what I found insightful was that he said pornography addiction has little or nothing to do with sex per se and everything to do with endorphins. It's the endorphin release in your brain that you crave, not the shameful pictures of women prostituting themselves.

Bingo! And Lost, my apologies for never getting around to that post regarding why ADHD makes you so much more susceptible to such an addiction that I said I was intending to make. Not sure I can explain it really well anyway. But the whole endorphin and self-medicating via this route is the issue. It's not that you truly "hunger for sin" as you titled one thread several months back. It's self-medication for how miserable you feel inside.

Jonathan Halverstad touches upon this in his book re ADD and Romance (as well as several other books I have read on the subject also touch upon it, but Jonathan had a really insightful passage). Jonathan has ADHD himself, and describes having ADHD as always ‘not feeling well in one’s own body’. Wish I could find the passage again where he describes that. It’s that feeling, and the restlessness of the mind, that drives people with ADHD to self-medicate, self-stimulate the endorphin system through various behaviors. Those with ADHD are facing a need, a drive to feel better that is much stronger than those without ADHD.

That is coupled with the fact that when a pwADHD does get the self-stimulation, it actually means more to them than the average individual. The stimulation unlocks the problems impeding normal function of the pre-frontal cortex, so the pwADHD gets a feeling of finally being able to think outside of the fog, to feel emotionally stable, to focus. So, the benefits of that endorphin release are much more rewarding than typical.

I’ve followed your posts on this topic for quite a few months now. I remember all the steps you’ve tried. (covenant eyes -or whatevet it was called didn't really change the internal drive, did it?) All the berating from others that you just need to become emotionally/mentally stronger. I say hogwash to it all. Treat the root cause – a simple chemical imbalance in the brain (and I’ll gladly stand with you, and say, if that makes you ‘defective’, than SO AM I – I firmly believe that is NOT the case). Treat it with non-habit forming medication rather than porn.

Love you bro! Wish you could get past this and feel better about yourself!

[Tarnished]

@ryanh
Thats a lot of good information. I have a question though. What if the person with ADHD is on non-habit forming medication and they still have a problem with porn. How would someone like that work to get rid of the porn problem? I ask because I have a friend with ADHD who has problems with porn and no matter what they have tried they still can't seem to get past it all. Currently he has his computer on lockdown where someone has to enter a password for him to visit sites other than his regular approved sites. However, if you don't have someone who can help you with that type of a situation then it would make it difficult to have a computer around.

[Gwen]

forgive my tangent....

ok so i'm not a doc and i don't have any links for this info (it's stuff i've collected over the yrs). i think getting the add/adhd treated could help a lot. thoughts that might be considered as to how this could be playing a role in it.....

the add/adhd brain never stops. it is processing information at a different rate than "normal" brains. it is constantly seeking stimulus. at the same time it is overwhelmed by all that stimulus. it craves peace as much (if not more) as stimulus.

the endorphins others have mentioned, that hormonal/chemical response in the body with sexual arousal is very interesting and comes into play in more areas of life than just sexual arousal.

as infants we first experience those chemicals not as sexual arousal but through sucking/nursing. it's why they like pacifiers (not saying that is sexually arousing for them, just the same hormones). it's what drives them to eat and stay alive. when a woman breast feeds a baby the same hormones are released. one of the things addressed in many breastfeeding books is to not be upset if you find nursing your baby arousing, it's not perverse, it's a response in the body.... why? so the mother will nurse the baby. nursing can be painful if the baby doesn't latch on right, it's time consuming, it's exhausting, it's not always fun... the hormone release insures the mother will feed her baby. when a woman gives birth at the very end of the delivery those same hormones are released... i know of women that have actually reported having an orgasm at the birth of their children.

another physical reaction to those hormones is it reduces pain receptors. your ability to cope with pain goes up. why i think women in child birth (and sometimes nursing) have that release, to deal with the pain, but that's a personal theory.

another reaction to that hormone response is the brain stops thinking. for a moment the brain is completely focused on the feeling. i read a study that said it's the one time that the brain doesn't think about anything else. it actually included pics of brain scans.

what does all this have to do with adhd.... these hormone responses (as mentioned already by others) are used as a coping mechanism by the body. sexual arousal is the fastest and easiest way to get those hormones/chemicals flowing. when you are doing that you increase your ability to deal with pain (physical and emotional), you stop your brain from working over time (something craved by those with adhd), you get a moment of peace from all that ails ya.

hope there was something coherent in all that mess. long story short i agree if there are other underlying factors those need to be addressed as well or you will never have success with the porn issue, it's not about the porn.

don't give up.