Chastity and talking with the bishop...

[Dravin]

Originally Posted by Misshalfway

Write a letter. Sit down with him and have him read it. Two hundred million dollars it will go better than you think.

Love yourself enough to do it. You deserve that.

I have to support this. Admittedly my relationship with my Bishop was better than yours sounds like but I had issues with communicating everything I needed to. It wasn't a language barrier, both of us spoke fluent English but I found it easier to express and thus communicate what I needed to written down as opposed to spoken. I'd get flustered and forget stuff or worry about just how saying some things would sound (the thought of saying, "I did X." filled me with anxiety and caused me to clam up). So I wrote him a letter, now I delivered it in person during an appointment so he didn't think I was trying to confess by mail or anything like that, but it helped me communicate what I needed to when English failed. It also let me phrase things more clearly, nervous people ramble but you can get around that with the written word as you can carefully plan out what you want to communicate.

[candyprpl]

Originally Posted by will227457

most members are very very judgemental...I don't blame her, maybe she coould talk to her stake pres? I know it is jumping the line of authority but she need to feel secure in her desire to repent

as for your mom it is an unnecessary burden that has been placed on you and while I am unaware of all the details it would seem that you have every right to be bitter and upset....

I do know members who are very judgemental too -- I also know members who want nothing to do but help and give good advice, that's why I was asking her about her YW presidency -- if they've been around for a while and she knows them well enough they might have been someone to talk to. It was just an suggestion. She came to us and I think it's hard to give advice on these forums when we don't know eachother personally.

I agree also that she does have the right to feel bitter but I also know that this kind of bitterness can lead one to make horrible mistakes and feel very bad about one's self.

[snowwhite17]

perhaps I am a bit bitter... Alright... I am a LOT bitter... But I really wished that it didn't come out so obvious in my writing. I SUPPOSE I could talk to my stake pres... But he doesn't really know who I AM let alone want to listen to the pathetic problems I have, right? *sigh*

Thank you for your help you guys, it means so much to me. I really, truly appreciate it. I have been praying to get a good answer that I can use, and it seems like I have been getting wonderful advice, and I am so very grateful!

[StallionMcBeastly]

IMO, you need to root your self-confidence and self-image in something other than how attractive men find you.

[ryanh]

Originally Posted by will227457

most members are very very judgmental

One thing I've observed watching people: What people expect from others is more a reflection on themselves more so than on the reality of the situation.

How does this apply to you Snowwhite?

From what is posted, it appears you are far more judgmental and harsh on yourself than other people likely would be. That appears to be heavily coloring your expectations to be different from what reality would be. Your stake pres would care. Expecting such harsh judgments from others is exactly how Satan would want you to feel. he wants to keep you isolated, and without the love and support that you rightly deserve. If you can't go to your bishop now, go to some sisters you can trust, or the stake pres. He will hear you out. Been there. Done that.

[MacLaine]

Wow. Its funny how our Heavenly Father works. I came on to ask about law of chastity issues my fosters daughter is having and I found this. I want to thank the original poster for posting this. It takes a lot of courage to post and ask for advise about Law of chastity issues because they tend to cause more shame then other issues for reasons I don't want to get into nor fully understand. I don't have much advise for you. If you pray and do the foot work to get through this you most certainly will. I hope I didn't minimize your feelings at all and if I did I'm sorry. Ill make sure to pray for you!
Mac

[Gramajane]

I believe the best thing we can do is to treat others as the angles in heaven do
-- which is that they can't lie or even act a lie
-- as what is IN their hearts I understand is open for all to SEE.
Share your truth with him.
Treat others as God would like you to treat them
with respect and TRUE love
-- you would not break any commandments.

How about you WRITE out your situation-- and let your deaf bishop read it?

I will pray for you. -- In the long (and even short) run-- honesty is the ONLY way!
You are cheating yourself and this guy too.
also-- a guy you COULD love, may be out there waiting for you
who WILL be one you would love to marry!

It is Satan who want you to keep on with the "drug" high- of feeling powerful because of sexual attraction! -- You, and we ALL are worth way more than that!

You can do this with Gods help. God bless you to choose the right! Gramajane

[spirettedotter]

In an ideal world, your bishop, stake president, YW leaders, and parents would be right there, ready to support and gude you without judgement. Unfortunately, it isn't always like that.

I felt judged by my bishop a number of years ago, and phoned my stake president in tears requesting an appointment to discuss some difficulties in my life. He refused, saying I needed to go to my bishop despite my discomfort with him, and do things in the proper chain of order. Our leaders are mortal men, and all have their limitations and challenges. Some are put in their positions for the opportunity to grow. Sometimes we can help educate them. But when dealing with sensitive issues, we need to learn to take care of ourselves as much as possible.

Maybe a Relief Society president could be easier to talk with first; and perhaps go with you to meet with the bishop, (if not the YW leader, which was a good suggestion).

As I said earlier, I think writing out what you need to say is the best way to go. It can be therapuetic for you to write, helpful to your church leader to hear your heart more fully, and an easier form of communication (plus you can edit it as many times as you want before sharing it in person).

Whoever you choose for support, and however you choose to proceed, I think you know you must take some action to move forward. Stay prayerful, and know that there are a lot of us who care and wish you the best in moving forward.

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

It is late, and I just happened to read this particular thread and the advise being offered. Much of which is very sound and good advise.

Snowwhite, you are a young woman. You will always and forever be a Daughter of God.

Here is what I would like for you to do (and I will explain why in after this).

For the next thirty days. However, whenever, wherever. Set aside time where you can pray and study the scriptures by yourself. Once in the morning and once before you go to bed.

Secondly, while you are doing this - here are three specific passages of scriptures that I have come to love and refer to in my process of repentance because of my own volition of will against the law of Chasity.

Read Nehemiah Chapter one. Do not read it once, but read it several times. And, then over the course of the next 13 days, read and reflect upon each chapter (it will help to have a notebook handy with you because you may want to write down some particular thoughts). In Nehemiah 1, pay attention to the prayer Nehemiah offers and then the action he takes.

Next, throughout the course of this thirty days, read the account of Naaman in 2 Kings Chapter 5. He suffered from leporsy, and the admonishment of the prophet for Naaman to go down and dip himself seven times in the Jordan River. Every day, reflect upon this and your situation. Write down your thoughts every day, your impressions, seek after Heavenly Father's grace, love and patience.

The third passage of scripture is that of the parable of the Prodigal Son. Again, like the other passages of scripture, read this every day for the next thirty days, writing down your own thoughts and impressions.

While doing this, go to your Bishop. Just because he may be deaf and you can't "verbalize" yourself toward him, you can draft up a letter and let him read this. You are still communicating this to him. You do not have to have an interpreter there.

Also, get a hold of the copy of The Miracle of Forgiveness and read this as well.

Now, as for the violation of the Law of Chastity. I am currently going through my own repentance process. 38 years old, and finally realizing my need to be realigned back with the Church of my youth. My wife also is going through her own repentance process as well (we lived together prior to getting married). Without going into specific details, my wife and I already are receiving our blessings for making our return back to the church.

Is the road difficult? Yes, I am not going to kid you on this, not going to sugar coat it. There are going to be temptations, certain feelings that will be used to entice you. However, the more you cling to your Heavenly Father and (the reason why I say to devote 30 days to reading and pondering on these three specific passages of scripture - reading Nehemiah 1-13 at least 2 times in the thirty days), you will be able to gain confidence, not only in who you are in relationship to a loving Heavenly Father, but that you are establishing a love for the scriptures.

I also reflect back on my favorite hymns, "How Great Thou Art", "I stand all amazed" and other such hymns.

The reality here is that when you do go before your bishop and make a full confession of your transgressions, there are going to be certain consequences that will follow. Most likely (I can in no way be sure) is that you may have some disciplinary action taken against you. Do not look at this as a bad thing because it really is not (no matter how much the enemy may say this to you).

Went ended up happening with my wife and I, because we were living together, was that our Bishop, Hometeachers, and her visiting teachers new about this. The Bishop also knew that it would not be wise for us to break up because we were already in a position as that of a "family unit" in one sense. He strongly urged us to marry (which we already were talking about, but he advised that we marry earlier than we wanted) so that we could go through our own separate disciplinary councils.

Now, from my own personal experience - there is much I have missed from the blessings of the Church when I had left at the age of 25 years of age. My life has not been the best life ever. Suffered severe bouts of depression, suffered serious points of low self-esteem, and wondered if my life would ever have any personal meaning.

The truth and the reality is this - the enemy is recognizing that you are realizing your need to return back to the faith, a desire to repent and move past your transgressions, and to turn your life around.

You mentioned that you are a "mother figure" to your siblings. While this is definitely a hefty responsibility on your part to nurture them and see to their needs, what a greater blessing and testimony will you provide to them when they see you stand firm on your testimony and conviction to repent of your transgression and receive forgiveness from a loving Heavenly Father so that you may be able to set an example of how a young woman conducts herself with specific standards that not only boost her self-esteem, but gives her the courage to become a true woman and daughter of God that will one day stand before Heavenly Father.

The reality is that by your convictions, by your ability to take a hold of your passions and desires and put them in control will not only open the doors of heaven and blessings be poured out, but you will also be able to present yourself to a future husband who will love you and appreciate you for who you are.

And in quite honesty here, it is when you understand the full meaning of Love and intimacy will you begin to understand why the love shared between a husband and wife has more depth, more meaning, more importance in their relationship with one another that you will look back on those past experiences and realize that there is a vastly different respect to them. This difference is based on the one being influenced by self-indulgement and gratification, while the latter is based on pure intimacy and giving of oneself to their eternal companion to cherish and love.

I hope this helps.