Chastity and talking with the bishop...

snowwhite17 · #1 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 08:15 PM

The law of chastity has always been my weak spot. Probably because I am so completely insecure about myself. Whenever a guy gives me the time of day, it is just that extra confidence boost, and to turn a guy on... THis is terrible, but... It makes me feel... SEXY. Like, OMGsh! I was the one that caused that! He is turned on by ME. I want it to stop. For the first time in my life I don't see myself as a daughter of God, but an... animal... However, I know I have to talk to my bishop, But I am so scared. He is deaf (I go to a family deaf ward, even though I am not deaf) I dont know the language well, and I don't want to get an interpreter, because all of the interpreters are my friends, and I dont want them to think poorly of me. Not only that, my bishop is so terribly judgemental. I have been wondering if I should just wait it out, wait until we get a new bishop... But this is a problem that needs to be taken care of NOW.

Also, my, erm... Boyfriend? He is now EXPECTING this kind of stuff from me, like its a given... and I am so sorely tempted... But... THe worst part is... I dont even love him... or LIKE him.. He just makes me feel better about myself. I dont know what to tell him, because he is my best friend, and it will break his heart!! UGH! Maybe someone here has some advice...

Thanks,

Stay Beautiful

xx

john doe · #2 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 08:25 PM

You don't like him, but you want to know what to tell him? Tell him this: "GET LOST!"

snowwhite17 · #3 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by john doe

You don't like him, but you want to know what to tell him? Tell him this: "GET LOST!"

I CANT!! He really likes me, as in, he's mentioned marriage... I dont want to say something that would hurt him... He is my best friend after all...

BenRaines · #4 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:03 PM

Hurt his feelings now instead of later. You are kidding right? You have no attraction what so ever but he is a friend so you break the law of chastity with him and won't tell him to get lost?

I am shocked.

Ben Raines

Jenamarie · #5 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:37 PM

I'm confused. In one breath you say you don't even like him, then in the next you say he's your best friend? Which one is he?

You CAN break up with him, and here's why: YOU need to make YOURSELF feel better about YOURSELF. Whatever kind of guy he is (sweetheart, jerkface, whatever) it is not healthy for you to put your self image and self worth in his hands. It is not the makings of a healthy, long lasting relationship.

People survive broken hearts all the time. Breaking up with him won't kill him or cause him any lasting damage. My advice would be to tell him that you have some personal issues you need to work on (rediscovering your selfworth) and that you need to work on them *outside* of a relationship. And then I would recommend you take a break from dating anybody, no matter how good they make you feel, until you feel just as good about yourself WITHOUT a guy's attention.

Having a man in your life should make you happier, not happy. You should already be happy. You should already have that confidence. Otherwise you're in an unequal relationship, and those don't typically go well.

pam · #6 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:40 PM

A best friend would not insist that you do something that is against your morals.

Dravin · #7 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Breaking up with him won't kill him or cause him any lasting damage.

Actually she'd most likely be doing him a favor as staying with him increases the chance of further sin and the consequences thereof. Two people who can't seem to keep themselves from engaging in sin with each other aren't doing themselves any favors. If he's your best friend the best thing is not for him to keep violating the law of chastity with you, quite the opposite actually.

annamaureen · #8 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowwhite17

I CANT!! He really likes me, as in, he's mentioned marriage... I dont want to say something that would hurt him... He is my best friend after all...

I've been in your same situation, and I know it's hard. But this man does not truly love or respect you if he's "expecting" you to do things that are wrong. He is not marriage material. There are many righteous men who will make you feel properly loved and cherished. Not valued for your body or what you can offer him sexually.

As much as it hurts, I advise you to end it now before it gets even more difficult.

Tarnished · #9 (**permalink**) 10-22-2009, 10:56 PM

Dating is about pain, it is about finding someone to eventually marry, however because it deals with emotions it is also about pain. He will go through other pains in life as will you, breaking up with him will not kill him or you. My first boyfriend was like this, except we were only holding hands but he wanted to kiss as well and I wasn't up for that with him. I broke things off with him and he ended up crying for an hour, but he got over it as did I.

I can relate to the low self esteem thing, I was very much the same way when I was a teen. But as you said in your post "Stay Beautiful" to do that you have to realize that you are worth more than this guy is giving you. You are a daughter of God and that really is something! Don't allow yourself to be cheapened by what some guy wants from you. I know that the attention you get from this guy makes you feel better about yourself, but after it is done don't you feel worse? I dealt with a lot of law of chastity issues, it was very tough for me, but going to the bishop to take care of my sins was always worth it. It will be tough, but knowing that you are clean is a wonderful thing. And making sure you are worthy for when you are married is definitely worth it as well. Always remember, you are a wonderful person and a beautiful girl, don't sell yourself short.

FunkyTown · #10 (**permalink**) 10-23-2009, 03:43 AM

Whoah, whoah, whoah. I think we should be a bit more understanding and compassionate here.

From what you're saying, it sounds like you have some body issues, a lack of self-esteem and if I were to guess you struggle with depression. Most people do when they want mutually incompatible things.

What you're feeling is normal. Most people, at one point or another in their life, will go through what you are: Tempted to do something because of how you feel. If you aren't used to feeling sexy and wanted, when someone makes you feel that way it's a powerful drug that makes you want to go on.

However, I want you to be very careful with how you're going here: You aren't attracted to your boyfriend. You don't want marriage, but you're going on anyway. Here will be the consequences if you continue down that road:

In order to not hurt someone, you continue to date him. He asks you to marry him and, afraid to hurt him, you say you will. You get married and perhaps have a child or two. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's a rough patch that goes on for a year. Regardless, you tell him how you feel in the heat of a moment. There's something in your voice that can't be denied and he knows the truth.

Your relationship changes overnight. Regardless of if you make up, he will always know you never loved him. Soon, the two of you won't even like each other. Your children will feel the lack of love in the home, you and your husband will be in a loveless marriage and will resent and even grow to hate one another. Both of your lives will be horribly scarred if you can't tell him the truth.

If that seems extreme, it isn't. A lot of marriages fail and, if in your heart of hearts you don't want it to succeed even in the beginning, it won't. Be honest with him.