Struggling with faith.

[Maureen]

Hey Azriel, did you end your first post with Vision of Lehi because you are Vision of Lehi?

[Azriel]

Maureen> Yes.

Side note: I have not been on any medication, with the exception of maybe 10 Xanax, since Sept. of last year. I've discovered that real love and support from the girl I love has worked better than any medication I've ever been on.


It's hard for me to immerse myself in the church at this point. We rarely have activities, and the times I do stay on Sunday for all three hours... I just can't focus.
Our branch and stake boundaries are, geographically speaking, the largest in the USA. I can't afford the gas to visit others... I have a very in depth budget, and I only have so much for gas each week.
I don't know anyone well enough to call them up for advice on my issues, instead of going in person.

I feel selfish. I've told God that. I don't want to be.

I've been offered a two Priesthood blessings, requested by my girlfriend and her mom, in the last couple months. I've declined... I'm just... Afraid, I think. I don't think I'd have enough faith in them right now. What if I get a blessing and nothing happens, if it doesn't help? What if it does? For some reason that worries me, too.

Sometimes I wonder, do people pray for me? On my behalf? Does anyone not in this house care enough to do that? I think maybe most don't even realize I'm struggling. I know I don't talk about it, and probably don't outwardly show it. But sometimes I just hope someone outside the picture will notice, and care, because I really don't feel important or cared about.

[Maureen]

Welcome back Azriel (Vision of Lehi)!! I've been wondering what became of you. I need to sign off for now but will be back with my own advice.

[anatess]

Hi Az. I don't have much of an advice except to just hang in there and stay strong. Maybe just let go of everything and go back to the basics. Don't worry about cracking your scriptures open, just start with chapter 1 of gospel essentials. You know, like being a brand new investigator again. Step by step. Here a little, there a little. Don't worry about callings or what the branch is asking of you or going on missions or any of that. Just start with chapter 1 of gospel essentials again and your simple heartfelt prayers. That's it.
Take care brother.

[Azriel]

lol, anatess. I never got a copy of that book. I even taught the class, and never got my own copy! :P

[talisyn]

Azriel, something I've learned in all my years is automobiles fall firmly into the category of 'terrestrial beings'. They are not perfect. They will die, usually in very bad places and times. Once you come to accept this all other trials will be as mere wind upon the seas.

Now, about your shaken faith. You are not a rock. You have people who love you and care for you. Sometimes they are just waiting for you to open that door a little so they can help. Have you talked to your bishop? He's in charge of the well-being of the ward, which includes you Talk to him about your problems, I can bet he's got great advice. And by all means get a priesthood blessing. You are under attack (as are we all) by the evil one, and you cannot fall! From what you've said it seems like you're drowning and the life preserver is right there but you can't quite grab it.

What if I get a blessing and nothing happens, if it doesn't help? What if it does? For some reason that worries me, too.

I love your last question. What if something does happen? It means you have to go to work on your eternal life again. Daunting, I agree. But we know it's worth it.

Also something I've learned from working graveyard, every little ache/pain/prick is magnified in those dark hours and in the hours where you should be sleeping while the world is going on around you. Sometimes it's hard to hear the still small voice. Sometimes all you hear is yourself going around and around in your head. That's when it's more important than ever to read the scriptures! Please try again, all that wisdom and knowledge at your fingertips...just waiting. If for nothing else read it for the great battles, there's some really good stuff in there

[anatess]

Originally Posted by Azriel

lol, anatess. I never got a copy of that book. I even taught the class, and never got my own copy! :P

Ta-da!
Gospel Principles

[Orangeshift]

Oh WELL SAID, VOLT!

[Orangeshift]

I think possibly Az is feeling ignored or neglected by his ward. That could be at the heart of this. It's tough to go from being a new convert to a regular Joe. Everyone is always trying to get to know the new person, trying to help, etc. It's hard when the honey-moon wears off. I think it's time to get this guy a new calling. Something he can feel inspired about. People will return service for service, love for love, etc. Az might be needing a chance to show how he feels about his ward members TO his ward members. If they knew, they would love in return. That's the beauty of service and fellowship in the Church.

[Maureen]

Hi Azriel,

IMO, I think you need to slow down. Deal with your mental and physical health first. Take one thing at a time. If you can find the smallest support from your girlfriend and her family that would at least give you some small feeling of hope. Any kind of hope is always helpful. If you are still having job issues that can cause stress. Do whatever you can to deal with the stress. I hope your job situation improves; you most likely already know that that would help immensely. Bottom line is, don't try to deal with too many issues all at once. Start with the most important, your mental health and then go from there. I hope things improve for you. Keep positive and visit here often; there's always someone here that wants to help with words of support and encouragement.

M.