I Really Really Really Need Advice Or Help Or Something

thatonegirl · #1 (**permalink**) 01-20-2006, 06:10 PM

so my friends parents are divorced. she is currently living with her dad, and she hates it there. she's trying to move back in with her mom because living with her dad is killing her inside day by day. this weekend was her moms weekend. her mom showed up to her dads house, packed up all her things, and they left and my friend was told she won't be coming back. obviously her dad is going to get pissed off and all that and call around. i'm one of the 1st ones he calls when he can't get a hold of her. she's asked me not to say anything. i don't know what to do. her dads abusive, and is trying to get full custidy of her right now. if she goes back to him hes going to do not good things. shes my absolute best friend and shes trusting me not to tell her dad anything... so if he calls what do i do?

Jared · #2 (**permalink**) 01-21-2006, 01:12 AM

Listen, if her dad calls you, you do NOT have to anser his questions........if the Police come looking for answers then tell the truth. Its just that simple! You are under no law or obligation to answer her dad's questioning. Just dont lie to the police IF they get involved........which they wont because taking a child during a custody dispute is mostly a civil law affair and Police ONLY deal in criminal law. So it would take certain cercomstances for the law to even get involved.

Again, you do NOT have to answer anything the dad asks.......and secondly its TOTALLY inappropriate for her dad to call you. He should talk to you via your parents NOT go directly to you.

BenRaines · #3 (**permalink**) 01-21-2006, 02:28 AM

Did I miss the ages of these kids? If the mother took the daughter when it wasnt' her turn then she could be guilty of child abduction.

If the father is abusive and it sounds like the girl should be old enough to articulate that to the court then he would not be given custody unless the mother was totally unfit.

I would say put yourself in the fathers position. You have a daughter who has gone missing. You don't know where she is. You call her friends and they tell you nothing. So you worry some more. Did she run away. Has she been picked up by one of those that prey on young girls on the street or at the bus station.

Tell him she left with her mother. That is all you know. Also will keep from wasting a bunch of time for the police officers that have to go out on the call.

Sugarbay · #4 (**permalink**) 01-21-2006, 12:13 PM

The nicest thing about a phone is you can hang up! If he calls, hang up!

Jared · #5 (**permalink**) 01-21-2006, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Did I miss the ages of these kids? If the mother took the daughter when it wasnt' her turn then she could be guilty of child abduction.

Tell him she left with her mother. That is all you know. Also will keep from wasting a bunch of time for the police officers that have to go out on the call.
[/b]

Actually if its in the middle of custody battle it isnt "abduction" or "kidnapping" because its your own kid and no final custody ruling has been made....what if falls under is "interferiance of child custody". Its sort of like when you break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you start taking property...police can not dispute property as it falls under civil law and must be ruled by a judge. Kids to a certain degree are property of both parents until a final ruling is made.

#6 (**permalink**) 01-23-2006, 01:59 AM

Who does she want to live with?

pushka · #7 (**permalink**) 01-24-2006, 09:31 PM

I was once in a similar situation with my daughter. She was very unhappy staying with her dad, on his weeks, at the time, and he was too quick to use physical violence...pushing, shoving, throwing onto the settee, slapping, if he was angry at my daughter...as well as being verbally abusive towards her and putting her down all the time. She was 13 at the time.

He came to my house one day to collect her, and she refused to leave with him...he tried to drag her into the car and she resisted, and finally broke free. I immediately, the next day, contacted a solicitor to advise exactly why my daughter was at my house instead of his, and told her that he was threatening to try for full custody of both our children, on the grounds of my Mental Health Problems at the time...I was reassured that there was nothing he could do to make my daughter return to him until she was happy to do so, and that it was highly unlikely that he would gain full custody as I was seeking help with my mental health problems...

LionHeart · #8 (**permalink**) 01-24-2006, 10:46 PM

It appears to me like you are trying to make a choice between loyalty and honesty. The thing to keep in mind is that loyalty is a higher principle than honesty; when it is ethically correct; for example (although extreme, it's the same basic principle) say your friend is framed for murder, convicted by a jury, and given the death sentence. However, you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that your friend is innocent. Okay, so she somehow escapes and is hiding at your place. So the law comes and asks if you know where she is so they can take her away and execute her. Are you going to tell them where she is hiding? I wouldn't. In this case, I would lie like a dawg in mud hole on a hot day.
My advice to you would be to tell the abusive father nothing. Avoid lying whenever possible, but if it comes right down to it, loyalty is the higher principle. Most likely if a custody battle begins to rage, it will happen regardless of what you say or don't say.

And now a little note for all of you terd inspectors out there: I am in no way implying that you should not rat out a friends evil deeds to protect them from discipline. I am implying that loyalty is more important than honesty WHEN it is ethically correct.

Let that suffice.