Dating Advice

[nghs23]

Hey everybody I am going to be teaching a dating class and would like some imput on what questions i should ask and advice to give 18-25 year olds about dating

ben

[Prend1]

Acts, chapter 20, verse 35: 'Remember the
words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to
receive.'

Many marriages and relationships would be saved if more people would follow that. There are also many LDS articles on the very issue you are addressing.

[Sugarbay]

Remember who you are, where you came from, be polite, keep your hands to yourself, don't pick your nose,be home before you get too tired and your defenses go down, never go to bad restaurants, and remember where you are going after this life, and if you have made covenants also remember that NO ONE is worth breaking them for. Return with honor. Not only to Father but to your own home. Be the kind of person you would want for a teacher, spouse, friend.

Are we getting graded on this?

[CharlieDesRosiers]

Excellent advices, Ninja-Pants! A winner is YOU. Have an A!

But I have a thought to contribute.
(dun dun DUN!)
What if... a person between the ages of 18 - 25 doesn't have any interest in dating? Should they be encouraged to want to date/marry/pop out kids, as is so vitally important to LDS culture?
It seems to me that more people would benefit from an 'if you so please' approach and attitude, than a Gone With the Wind race to the altar. Any society should be aiming to produce happy, successful, well-adjusted people. Not everyone can become happy, well-adjusted, or consider themselves successful by doing the same things in the same order, just like everyone else. Thus, why we are so fantastic, eh?

[Franken]

Who would not want to be married though? I can't think of a single person I know who doesn't want to get married. Now I definately people who it is incredibally hard for them to meet people or find people to marry. But the whole desire thing I can't think of a single person who doesn't have it, it's natural to want that.

[CharlieDesRosiers]

What seems natural to some, may seem incredibly unnatural to others. The important thing, I think, is to allow people to make the choice that would make them the happiest. Pressure and encouragement to marry and have children can be uncomfortable and devastating to people who have no desire to accomplish either. Instead, we ought to encourage and support a person's right to pursue the course that brings them the most happiness and satisfaction.
I'm sure we can all see the merits of that.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

I don't know how to use those quote excerpt things, so this is copy and paste from above:
"What if... a person between the ages of 18 - 25 doesn't have any interest in dating? Should they be encouraged to want to date/marry/pop out kids, as is so vitally important to LDS culture?"
My response: Presumably the people electing to take the class are interested in dating. It's not a required class. I personally believe that secure, mature people in this age range should be looking for marriage. The longer you wait before getting married, the more set in your ways you've become (and the other person, if s/he is close to the same age) which makes adapting to co-leadership of a household that much more difficult, and also, the less selection there is among worthy prospective spouses.

The purpose of dating is to narrow down and select someone to marry. Don't date people you wouldn't seriously consider marrying. If, after a date, you determine that the person doesn't meet your standards (whatever your criteria are!) for a spouse, do not continue to date that person. You risk too much: the more time you and the other person invest in one another, the more obligated you may feel and the greater the chance that you (or s/he) will suppress your better judgement and marry a mistake.

Make a clear distinction - both in your mind and by communicating clearly with the other person - between having fun / going out with friends and DATING. It's OK to hang out with, dance with, etc. someone you would not consider marrying, as long as you are both sure of that staus.

[Franken]

I don't know how to use those quote excerpt things, so this is copy and paste from above:
"What if... a person between the ages of 18 - 25 doesn't have any interest in dating? Should they be encouraged to want to date/marry/pop out kids, as is so vitally important to LDS culture?"
My response: Presumably the people electing to take the class are interested in dating. It's not a required class. I personally believe that secure, mature people in this age range should be looking for marriage. The longer you wait before getting married, the more set in your ways you've become (and the other person, if s/he is close to the same age) which makes adapting to co-leadership of a household that much more difficult, and also, the less selection there is among worthy prospective spouses.

The purpose of dating is to narrow down and select someone to marry. Don't date people you wouldn't seriously consider marrying. If, after a date, you determine that the person doesn't meet your standards (whatever your criteria are!) for a spouse, do not continue to date that person. You risk too much: the more time you and the other person invest in one another, the more obligated you may feel and the greater the chance that you (or s/he) will suppress your better judgement and marry a mistake.

Make a clear distinction - both in your mind and by communicating clearly with the other person - between having fun / going out with friends and DATING. It's OK to hang out with, dance with, etc. someone you would not consider marrying, as long as you are both sure of that staus.
[/b]

I think what CharlieDesRosiers is getting at mom_of_jcchlsm is that marriage isn't for everyone. I know we as latter day saints kind of like to put that pressure on everyone and even though we don't mean to, I know a lot of us tend to judge others accidentally who struggle with things like meeting people and getting married.

I think we shouldn't put so much stress on the idea and I agree with CharlieDesRosiers about the topic, we should encourage them to do what would make them the happiest in life. I didn't used to have that opinion but I've been thinking about it lately and I have a sister who is one of those kinds of people, she just struggles to be social, in meeting people, going on dates etc. Maybe I've accepted marriage may not be for her. It's been hard for me to come to that because all of my other brothers and sisters have gotten married so what's the deal right? I think we should try and be more understanding to those who aren't married or who most likely won't be getting married in this life.

[angelbaby]

There is an institute manual specifically designed for it. I think it's "Achieving A Celestial Marriage", it is split into 2 parts - it covers dating, preparing for marriage, calling off the engagement if necessary. Everything you can imagine. Then the 2nd half covers the marriage itself and the joys & trials etc. Then there's always the church website - look up past conference reports or CES firesides on the specific topic you're after.

[shanstress70]

I personally believe that secure, mature people in this age range should be looking for marriage.
[/b]

The age range of 18 - 25? WOW! I totally disagree with you. Maybe some people at the later edge of the range, like 24 or 25, but IMO 18 is WAY to young to get married. I don't think that people are even close to maturity then. I didn't even know who I was at 18.

For me, the ideal way to do it was to date A LOT for that entire age range. I got married when I was 27, and I had dated so many guys that I knew exactly what qualities I was and was not looking for in a spouse. Worked out for me so far, as we're on our 8th year.

Another suggestion I have is to wait before having kids. Of course that isn't right for everyone, but for us it was. We waited 4 years and were able to really focus on our relationship for a while, including traveling, and getting our careers in order.