What To Do With Teen Suffereing Crisis Of Faith?

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

I'm a mother of 7, and we're just entering "the difficult years" with the oldest. She is 14, a freshman in HS, and has seemed to be a bedrock of faith and testimony until just recently. Now suddenly she doesn't want to go to Church with us, says YW activities are a waste of time, is skipping seminary (just found this out this morning - I drop her off and she goes in the building, but apparently she's napping in the comfy chairs in the nursing Mom's room instead of going to class). I wasn't raised LDS, and my husband was a steady, obedient teen, so niether of us know how to handle this. Advice from seasoned parents, please!?!?!?!

[Jason]

I too was a rebelious teen with regards to seminary.

I served a Mission after high school...so I'd say don't worry about it. It's normal.

[lisajo]

Well I'm not a seasoned parent, or LDS so I'm not sure how much you will value my council, how ever i did spend Five years working with LDS youth with some around that age of your oldest.

First would be a warning as some one who fell away from his first faith. Don't apply to much pressure. Faith is something that must be given freely and truely felt in the heart and spirit. I'm not saying you apply to much pressure, but it's something you will have to be aware of as you deal with this challenge.

My first thought would you and your husband have to sit down and agree on what you really want out of this situation. It's not un-common for children to go through these stages and your reactions as a joint parental unit will define the direction this can take.

Next, once the two of you agree on what you would like to happen(with in reason, you're ideal and her's could be very different, remember that during your parent chat) sit down with your oldest and have a very open talk about what is changing. Let her speak openly and let her know you will make no judgment. Her words could hurt or anger you, but it's up to you to figure out if you want her to know she can be honest and trust you, or fear you and not be able to turn to you.

See if any compromises can be reached. There is a time to lay down the law, but doing it in matters of faith can lead to very slippery slope. Forcing anyone in to something they are not comfortable with can just make rebelion worse.

With in reason show support and love. You know your child, it's the situation you are unsure of. take the time and treat this like a learning experience, because it is for all of you. Defined limits with reasonable flexibility on both sides. You've shoed you care by looking for advice, and that's a great first step.
[/b]

Nice post and well said soul! i agree, i have a son right now who doesnt deal with any thing church
related, but when he was told he had to go it made it worse, he does better now making his own mind up he is now 18, he makes it well known to friends and others he is LDS and although doesnt go much he still has faith in his religon.

I too was a rebelious teen with regards to seminary.

I served a Mission after high school...so I'd say don't worry about it. It's normal.
[/b]

Seminary was me free class, lets just say it was in the middle of school so
i wasnt there at least 1 day a week :P

[CharlieDesRosiers]

...

[Maureen]

So far everyone has given good advice. I wouldn't over react. Talk to your daughter and find out what's she's feeling and why she's feeling it. The more you know what's in her head the better you'll know how to handle the situation. As you understand her feelings come to some type of compromise that you both can agree on. Bottom line is, talk and listen to your daughter.

M.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

Thanks, all. We had a long talk (late into the night!). She had questions - mostly stuff she's heard from anti-mormon bashers at school (we live in an area where LDS is a small minority). My husband predicted that she was pulling away because she had worthiness issues and didn't want to face the music - turns out he was right. But he and I had to laugh about it privately after we talked with her - what she considers a BIG problem doesn't even call for an interview with the Bishop. I think this will blow over quickly now. She's a smart kid and may just have been pulling some strings to get more time & attention from Mom and Dad (granted, with 7 kids, we're spread pretty thin!).

I appreciate all of your input!

[Franken]

You know, this really reminds me of a seminary lesson that I had just the other day. Our teacher asked each of us to raise our hand if yes to the question, "Have you ever questioned whether or not the church is true in your life?" There was not a single hand that was not up. These are good seminary kids right? What was to be learned from this is that, questioning the church is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith, it is actually just a step towards gaining a solid ground of your own faith. I realized a couple years ago I couldn't just rely on that of my parents faith and that was when I did question the church. Was I really in the right thing? I had to think about things on my own, give it some serious thought and after all the pain and doubt that I had, I gained a testimony for myself, not just my parent's testimony and that's what I think every kid needs around that age, is to believe for theirself.

[Maureen]

Franken - Your post reminds me of some very wise words from an extremely grounded LDS man:

...When we come into a new field of research that will challenge our due and honest consideration, we should be warned against coming too quickly to a conclusion, of forming a decision too hastily. We should be scientific -- that is, open-minded, approaching new problems without prejudice, deferring a decision until all the facts are in. Some say that the open-minded leave room for doubt. But I believe we should doubt some of the things we hear. Doubt has a place if it can stir in one an interest to go out and find the truth for one's self.

I should like to awaken in everyone a desire to investigate, to make an independent study of religion, and to know for themselves whether or not the teachings of the Mormon church are true. I should like to see everyone prepared to defend the religion of his or her parents, not because it was the religion of our fathers and mothers but because they have found it to be the true religion. If one approaches it with an open mind, with a desire to know the truth, and if one questions with a sincere heart what one hears from time to time, he or she will be on the road to growth and service. There are altogether too many people in the world who are willing to accept as true whatever is printed in a book or delivered from a pulpit. Their faith never goes below the surface soil of authority. I plead with everyone I meet that they may drive their faith down through that soil and get hold of the solid truth, that they may be able to withstand the winds and storm of indecision and of doubt, of opposition and persecution. Then, and only then, will we be able to defend our religion successfully. When I speak of defending our religion, I do not mean such defense as an army makes on the battlefield but the defense of a clean and upright and virtuous life lived in harmony with an intelligent belief and understanding of the gospel...

I have been very grateful that the freedom, dignity, and integrity of the individual are basic in church doctrine. We are free to think and express our opinions in the church. Fear will not stifle thought. God himself refuses to trammel free agency even though its exercise sometimes teaches painful lessons. Both creative science and revealed religion find their fullest and truest expression in the climate of freedom.

As we all proceed to make our individual "declarations of independence," I hope we can distinguish between liberty and license, that we can realize that freedom is only a blessing if it is accompanied by wisdom and intelligence. At the same time, we all need to resist the down-drag of mental laziness which sometimes leads to the premature hardening of the intellectual arteries. And I would especially urge all of us to avoid sluggishness of spirit, which is the worst kind of lethargy. Some people are phlegmatic to a degree that would make a turtle seem intolerably vivacious. I admire men and women who have developed the questing spirit, who are unafraid of new ideas as stepping stones to progress. We should, of course, respect the opinions of others, but we should also be unafraid to dissent -- if we are informed. Thoughts and expressions compete in the marketplace of thought, and in that competition truth emerges triumphant. Only error fears freedom of expression.

...Even in our own church men and women take issue with one another and contend for their own interpretations. This free exchange of ideas is not to be deplored as long as men and women remain humble and teachable. Neither fear of consequence or any kind of coercion should ever be used to secure uniformity of thought in the church. People should express their problems and opinions and be unafraid to think without fear of ill consequences. We should all be interested in academic research. We must go out on the research front and continue to explore the vast unknown. We should be in the forefront of learning in all fields, for revelation does not come only through the prophet of God nor only directly from heaven in visions or dreams. Revelation may come in the laboratory, out of the test tube, out of the thinking mind and the inquiring soul, out of search and research and prayer and inspiration.

We should be dauntless in our pursuit of truth and resist all demands for unthinking conformity. No one would have us become mere tape recorders of other people's thoughts. We should be modest and teachable and seek to know the truth by study and faith. There have been times when progress was halted by thought control. Tolerance and truth demand that all be heard and that competing ideas be tested against each other so that the best, which might not always be our own, can prevail...

...One of the most important things in the world is freedom of the mind; from this all other freedoms spring. Such freedom is necessarily dangerous, for one cannot think right without running the risk of thinking wrong, but generally more thinking is the antidote for the evils that spring from wrong thinking. More thinking is required, and we should all exercise our God-given right to think and be unafraid to express our opinions, with proper respect for those to whom we talk and proper acknowledgment of our own shortcomings.

We must preserve freedom of the mind in the church and resist all efforts to suppress it. The church is not so much concerned with whether the thoughts of its members are orthodox or heterodox as it is that they shall have thoughts. One may memorize much without learning anything. In this age of speed there seems to be little time for meditation.

And while all members should respect, support, and heed the teachings of the authorities of the church, no one should accept a statement and base his or her testimony upon it, no matter who makes it, until he or she has, under mature examination, found it to be true and worthwhile; then one's logical deductions may be confirmed by the spirit of revelation to his or her spirit, because real conversion must come from within...

An Abundant Life: The Memoirs of Hugh B. Brown (Final Chapter: A Final Testimony-an excerpt)

M.

[Aristotle]

An Abundant Life: The Memoirs of Hugh B. Brown (Final Chapter: A Final Testimony-an excerpt)
M.
[/b]

Maureen, that was an excellent post! So much of what he said would apply to the Mormon Myth topic.

[shanstress70]

I too was a rebelious teen with regards to seminary.

I served a Mission after high school...so I'd say don't worry about it. It's normal.
[/b]

Yeah, but NOW look at you!

Just kidding, Jason. You rule!