Is It Evil...

[Dror]

Is it evil for a married man to notice that other women are attractive? (If he doesn't dwell on it/entertain inappropriate thoughts, flirt, or "do" anything else about it.)

Just wondering.

BTW, I am very much in love with my wife, and faithful to her. I'm not blind, though, and haven't completely been able to avoid noticing other attractive women. Sometimes feel guilty about it. :sigh:

Dror

[Sugarbay]

You are a guy. And you 're not dead. It would be unnatural for you not to notice attractive women just as it would be for women not to notice attractive men. And we do.


P.S. Just don't say to your wife,"WOW, DID YO SEE THAT BABE OVER THERE BY THE CANTELOPES????!!!!" Not cool.

[Dror]

Thanks, Sugarbay.

I don't mind if my wife notices cute guys, either... as long as she doesn't dwell on thinking about them, etc. In fact, I ask her every once in a while which actors or celebrities she thinks are cute. Getting her to answer is like pulling teeth! She keeps saying physical looks aren't so important to her (come to think of it, this might explain her marrying me! :P )--it's more a matter of how nice a guy is. So, I change my question to "And which celebrities or actors seem like nice guys?" And which ones are cute (hey, I'm curious!).

The only answer she's given me thus far is Craig Ferguson, the late night stand-up. He "seems like a nice guy," and is also kinda cute. (I think she may like that Scottish accent, too! ) So, I decided to stay up and watch his show, and he does seem pretty cool. She has good taste, huh?! :P

[prisonchaplain]

Is it evil for a married man to notice that other women are attractive? (If he doesn't dwell on it/entertain inappropriate thoughts, flirt, or "do" anything else about it.)[/b]

This is actually a serious and important question for men. Of course, the objective, "That is a nice looking lady," is harmless and normal. But, more often than not it can lead to 'dwelling on the thought of the beauty." The fine line of temptation beckons. And, lust is not far behind. Left unchecked, pornography may enter the picture, and things could well continue to escalate. Thus, Jesus says lust is indeed akin to adultery. Best to nip it in the bud, and "take captive your imagination."

It doesn't sound like you've gone into an area of sin, but the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Understanding that Satan wants to cloud the difference between noticing and dwelling is a huge key.

Hope this helps.

[BenRaines]

I think that beauty is found in many places. A beautiful sunset, mountains, children, paintings, sculptures, women and for women, men. There is beauty in fine prepared food.

Jealousy is what makes it hard for men or women to express what they find beautiful in the opposite sex.

I do agree with PC that if you begin to have fantasies about that beautiful person or wonder what it would be like to live with them or sleep with them then the line is crossed.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

I think it was a Dennis Prager talk show about a year or so ago I was listening to. For an hour he had men call in and tell what one thing they woud change about their wife if they could and then for an hour the women got to call in about what they would change in their husband. It was amazing to me what people said! When pressed for one change and one change only, men picked physical beauty. And then, one man called an said he wished his wife could look different all the time - variety in physical beauty. After that, at least half of the men who called agreed with him. If it were possible, they would like their wife to be blonde, brunette, petite, tall, oriental, black, caucasian - just an ever-changing variety of looks. The women mostly wanted variations on greater security - either better earing potential (wish he had finished college) or wish he were more loyal.

I think this speaks to the overwhelming desire men have for variety in sexual partners. It is something that any man who adheres to gospel standards must constantly battle.

Thats why it is better to be single....you can look and think about whoever walks by with a sexy body. but....if you are constrained to a partner...just look at the other hott babes....dont think ny dirty thoughts...or try not to anyway. Its not wrong. When i get married ill definitely still be looking a t other men. so ask your wife how she feels about it. Im sure she finds other men attractive. as long as the couple is devoted to one another and remains faithful...i see no problem in just looking at other people.

[Dror]

Thank you all for your replies.

As is my wont when I'm trying to figure something out, I ran to... the dictionary(!), and looked up the definition of "lust." One of the definitions was "intense or unrestrained sexual craving." Other concepts in the dictionary entry included the idea of "overwhelming desire" and obsessiveness. In this context, the first scripture that comes to mind is the one about reining in your passions. This seems to tacitly acknowledge that sexual feelings/thoughts will come, while at the same time stating that they can, and should, be controlled/directed. So, I will probably continue noticing beautiful women, but if I don't dwell on thoughts of them, or develop an inordinate desire for them, I should be ok? On the one hand I don't want to take something serious too lightly, and on the other, I don't want make a mountain out of a molehill. What can I say--I'm confused!

Not sure what it all means, or how to apply it, but your comments elicited these thoughts. Any more comments? Thanks for your help.

Dror

[prisonchaplain]

Thats why it is better to be single....you can look and think about whoever walks by with a sexy body. but....if you are constrained to a partner...just look at the other hott babes....dont think ny dirty thoughts...or try not to anyway. Its not wrong. When i get married ill definitely still be looking a t other men. so ask your wife how she feels about it. Im sure she finds other men attractive. as long as the couple is devoted to one another and remains faithful...i see no problem in just looking at other people.
[/b]

Tsk Tsk Tsk! Fornication (sex before marriage) is as much a sin as adultery, in God's eyes. Ergo, to fantasize about someone else would be akin to fornication, rather than adulterly. Different, but = in degree. So, singleness, singlehood, unattachment--for the believer these states of being do not mean you get to lust.

Observation (OK), Appreciation (OK), Hmmm....very very interesting (Oh Oh), I wonder what it would be like (trouble)...where could I go to find more (disaster!). We don't always slide all the way down...but better to stay off the slide.

[Amphiblitz]

Are you sure you're not LDS, PrisonChap? Just kidding... I know there are also many other non-LDS Christians like you.

I agree that to notice and briefly admire beauty is completly innocent and natural. There's nothing wrong with that. Each step beyond that, as PC points out, starts moving you closer to the edge of the cliff.

Wisdom would dictate, that one under the commitment of marriage vows should not entertain thoughts beyond that initial point, though the natural man in us may desire it and can even be very good at justifying it. An unmarried individual might safely venture into the realm of thinking about beginning a relationship with that person, which I believe could safely include thoughts of showing affection. But his/her thoughts should remain chaste.