Brutal Or Not?

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

My honesty can be extremely brutal. It’s like a big war hammer. A lot of the time, I pretend to be stupid because a) I don’t want to hit someone with the hammer, I don’t want to have to look at the problem square and do the work I’m capable of doing to fix it. Sometimes I really am just too blind to see it. Or, rather, I blind myself into not knowing the problem. Instead, I skirt it and use my fear as an excuse to not deal with. Pretty sad, isn’t it?

There are times my brute honesty, however, is said to help someone and I know they can take it. But most of the time, I use my fear as an excuse to not act–like if someone is doing something that is offensive to me, I just bury the annoyance deep in there and throw glue and sparkles on it so it looks pretty when it’s a very cruel, sharp monster that’s liable to bite me in the behind. So how do you know when to be brutally honest (or its sister “blunt,” whatever)? And is it actually possible to be honest and not hurt someone? (I mean, if someone doesn’t take it as a personal attack and says, “Hey, I’ll think about it and see if it’s true” or something.)

It’s not like I attempt to be such a brute sometimes, but I can’t be loving and brutally honest at the same time. So maybe there’s some kind of happy medium, and surely the answer is different for each person, but how do you all do it? If you love someone, you’re honest, and sometimes you can use the fear of hurting someone as an excuse to not do what you should. By all means, though, rarrr, I don’t want to hurt anyone! But yet...I should be more honest with others. Thus, there has to be some kind of medium between the two that’s suitable.

How honest are you with your feelings and your thoughts? What do you do when someone says something brutal to you? Should I just be point blank honest and forget if it’s brutal or not? [It's not like I don't try to flower up things anyway. -_X ROSE COLORED GLASSES!!!!!!! GAH!!!!]

[thebomb7652000]

[quote]
My honesty can be extremely brutal. It’s like a big war hammer. A lot of the time, I pretend to be stupid because a) I don’t want to hit someone with the hammer, I don’t want to have to look at the problem square and do the work I’m capable of doing to fix it. Sometimes I really am just too blind to see it. Or, rather, I blind myself into not knowing the problem. Instead, I skirt it and use my fear as an excuse to not deal with. Pretty sad, isn’t it?

There are times my brute honesty, however, is said to help someone and I know they can take it. But most of the time, I use my fear as an excuse to not act–like if someone is doing something that is offensive to me, I just bury the annoyance deep in there and throw glue and sparkles on it so it looks pretty when it’s a very cruel, sharp monster that’s liable to bite me in the behind. So how do you know when to be brutally honest (or its sister “blunt,” whatever)? And is it actually possible to be honest and not hurt someone? (I mean, if someone doesn’t take it as a personal attack and says, “Hey, I’ll think about it and see if it’s true” or something.)

It’s not like I attempt to be such a brute sometimes, but I can’t be loving and brutally honest at the same time. So maybe there’s some kind of happy medium, and surely the answer is different for each person, but how do you all do it? If you love someone, you’re honest, and sometimes you can use the fear of hurting someone as an excuse to not do what you should. By all means, though, rarrr, I don’t want to hurt anyone! But yet...I should be more honest with others. Thus, there has to be some kind of medium between the two that’s suitable.

How honest are you with your feelings and your thoughts? What do you do when someone says something brutal to you? Should I just be point blank honest and forget if it’s brutal or not? [It's not like I don't try to flower up things anyway. -_X ROSE COLORED GLASSES!!!!!!! GAH!!!!]
[/quote
Every situation is different. For most situations the best thing to do is to pray about it and ask the lord to give you the right words to use so that you can talk to them without hurting there feeling and you can also be a hundred percent honest. (Honesty is the only way to go) Good luck and I hope this will be of help to you.

[Sugarbay]

Okay. Honesty. What happens if you go out and buy a dress that you think you look good in but in all actuality you look awful in it. Then you ask your husband, "Does this dress look okay?" He is darned if he lies and darned if he tells the truth.

Brutally honest has it's place but, if it is going to hurt someone then perhaps it should be tempered. LIke the husband could say, " Well, that's quite a dress! BUT I really like you in that blue one (or whatever) It just shows off your figure." Diplomacy.

It is an art that delvelops over time if you want to. Brutally honest people often don't have a whole lot of friends because even if it said with good intent, people don't like to be hurt. Honest people generally do have friends. But an honest in heart person would never say anything to anyone to hurt their feelings unless it would keep them from hurting themselves or others, or as in the case of the awful dress, from humiliating yourself and embarrassing all who are with you when you wear it. Tough call.

Remember, if nothing else, that this is your brother or sister.

[StrawberryFields]

I think having a sense of humor is very important. Sugars comment about the dress and the husband reminds me of something that happened a few months ago.

I LOVE finding something ON SALE and I always have. I was shopping at Penny's in the woman's clearance area for a "find". Well I walked out with something in a color I had always wanted to try kind of a softer lime green. I had found a blazer in that color which was lined and everything for under 5.00 I was thrilled. Well you guessed it I wore it the very next day!!! Hubby has learned not to say too much about what I wear unless it is good. That evening as we were getting ready for bed he asked me if I wanted him to hang up the "curtain thing" I was wearing that day. Well I have never worn it since and I should actually put it up in the living room as a curtain and see if he gets a laugh as I do now about this.

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Hahahahah, Strawberry, that's a good one. Husbands don't want to get run over either way...and I'm sure neither does the wife.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

It's possible to be truthful without being brutal.

When someone asks if you'd like a Coke, you can say:

"No, thanks. I don't drink Coke."

or you can say:

"Ughh! Nasty! I HATE Coke. I can't believe you drink that stuff!!! Are you insane?!?!"

You may even be thinking the second response and still say the first instead.


Sometimes it really is best to bite your tongue and not say anything - especially if your opinion hasn't been solicited.
If you really must say something, try talking about a third party and letting the other person make the mental connection. For instance, if your friend looks bad in rouched shirts because it makes her look fat and you really, really think it's neccessary to let her know this so she doesn't embarrass herself (and ask yourself if it will embarrass her or you!), you might strike up a fashion commentary on passers-by while eating lunch together, and when someone of your friend's shape and size passes by, you could say "wow! she's smart to wear that tailored blouse. Anything with puckers or gathers might emphasize her belly, but that combo really draws attention to her face."

In a marriage or any long-term, close relationship, people get to know one another's limits and even establish signals or codewords for correcting one another without hurting each other's feelings. Example:

I snore. Like a freight train. It's a lot worse when I'm pregnant. For years I wouldn't admit that I snore, and the mere suggestion put me in a nasty mood. When my noise would wake up my husband, he used to shake me gently and say "Honey, you're snoring. Can you roll over or something?" And I would hit him and be mad for two days. Then he learned to shake me gently and say "Honey, are you OK? You're not breathing well." I knew what he meant, but the way he said it made all the difference in the world. I would adjust and we'd both go back to sleep. Now he says that all he has to do is sorta bounce the mattress. I respond and we both go on with life - I never even wake up. I wonder how often he has to do this, since I'm obviously oblivious? What a nice guy to not complain about it.

Another thing: once you've made your point, leave it alone. If you expressed yourself clearly and the other person hasn't changed their behavior, it doesn't mean they didn't understand you. They may still disagree with you or not be ready to change yet or may even be embarassed that you are right (they may change their opinion/behavior around others, but not around you becasue that would make them feel weak). It's called beating a dead horse.

Anyway, I don't have a problem with your honesty level or method of expression in anything I've seen so far - but I've only been a member less than a month.

[Acez]

hehehe....

To me truth is brutal but sometimes the truth is brutal on how
someone tells it.....

just my 2 cents worth